Two adults cornered and scolded my 7yo

[Rosie5832]

At a classmate’s birthday party, my child was cornered by the parents of another classmate. They accused him of bullying their son and told him to stop it. He said he wasn’t doing that and they kept on shouting at him that he was.
After this, he was very upset and was crying inconsolably.
Another parent - the mum of the birthday child - went to his assistance and messaged me telling me to return to the party as my son needed me, and that she couldn’t settle him at all (I had left for an hour). While she was messaging me, these two parents came over to her and told her my son was a bully - he was right there and still crying. She told them to back off. When I arrived, they rushed straight over to me and told me that my son was bullying their son etc. No acknowledgment from them that they had cornered him alone and shouted at him. It was only later at home that he told me what had happened, I called the other mum and she confirmed it, describing the way they approached me as an ‘ambush’. She said the whole party turned into a ‘sh*tshow’ because of the way these parents were behaving, and all the other parents - and probably some of the kids - could see what had happened.
I’m in shock over this. I’m meeting with the school teacher today to alert her to this incident and to make sure my son is kept safe in school.
I want to say something to these parents about their behaviour. Imo they were completely out of line, and all the other mums I’ve spoken to since agree that you never confront a child alone like that, regardless of what issue you have with them.
On the way in to school this morning, my son stopped dead just before the door and said, “why didn’t you stay at the party?”. He was clearly thinking about the whole incident and probably concerned that he would encounter these parents at the school.
Has anyone any experience of this kind of behaviour from other parents?

Why would you assume that ? If that were the case surely the school would have contacted OP. They may not even have the right child. In any event, two grown adults ganging up on a seven year old child at a party in someone else’s’ home, is not the way to handle this. First port of call for both sets of parents is the school, to see what they know and take it from there.

Is your child a minority, op?

I was bullied very badly at school so I think that it is hard to describe particular incidents so can't comment on the bullying, but two adults cornering a child is inappropriate.

This is often done to ethnic minority children who are 'othered' x

So it was all about a phrase. No one laid a hand on anyone else. A child felt threatened by the words of one of his peers, and instead of taking it at face value and explaining to their child that it’s a phrase and doesn’t mean anything, they took it on themselves to corner and threaten a seven year old. No fucking wonder children are growing up frightened of their own shadows, easily offended and totally unable to take criticism of any kind without crumpling.

I was relieved to read that you have decided not to speak directly to the shouty parents. You sound to me like a very sensible person and they sound like - no, sorry, can't think of a polite way to put it.

How's the classmate? I hope his parents haven't ruined his friendships for him.

You just need to be very careful here, you haven’t witnessed any of the incidents and are relying on what other people are telling you. Of course, if it did happen as described then it’s totally unwarranted and outrageous. But it may not have done.

Telling someone ‘you’re dead’ is pretty serious to be fair.

Stuff and nonsense. It is either true, or not true. If not true, it is clearly not serious at all.

If this is the first OP has heard about it then it's hardly the last straw is it? There are lots of straws they could have employed before this one.

Well, as a responsible parent, you SHOULD attempt impartiality. The other parents were completely wrong to intimidate your son the way they did; however, you should also teach your child about respecting other children and not using provocative language.

I'm sorry this happened to your son. I'm very much of the "it takes a village" mindset, so I don't mind at all when other adults intervene in a dangerous or difficult situation if the parents aren't present. But it sounds as though these adults weren't trying to solve a tricky situation, just intimidating a little boy. Awful behaviour.

As for the catalyst for their actions? One child telling another child, "You're dead" in this context isn't bullying and cannot be classified as a threat. And the adults certainly knew that. I can't imagine any school staff escalating this statement to some sort of serious incident. Surely any rational adult would simply clarify what had happened, then explain to the other boy that it was a harmless remark related to a game. The end.

The parents are bullying, who in their right mind corners a DC.

Your school would exclude a 7 year old for saying ‘Youre dead,’ to another 7 year old?
Goid grief, teachers make work for themselves.

Of course it isn't serious at all. It was just an expression that the little boy used, one that it widely used as a slang phrase by young people. There was absolutely no threat to it. Perhaps the other boys didn't understand the colloquial meaning. They could have been reassured by their parents if they had taken the trouble to discuss the situation fully with them instead of behaving as they did.

That’s awful, no parent should ever corner a child like that. You’re right to go through the school, they need to know. Just keep reassuring your son he did nothing wrong, the way those adults behaved was completely out of line.

Which 7 year old are you talking about. OP's son or the boy who accused him of bullying?

I can see why saying "you're dead" would cause the other boy to feel scared. That sort of gamers banter is usually between older boys and so he took it literally. However, he didn't mean it literally and there was no bad intent. A simple conversation could have sorted out the misunderstanding. The adults handled it badly and caused it to be worse than it needed to be.

This - most bullies are made at home.

How would it be last straw if the parent of said bully is unaware? Surely that would be one of the steps I resolving issues?

It does sound like a misunderstanding, though I guess it’s a lesson for your son also that language that may be light hearted to him can be taken a different way.

I think you shouldn’t all ostracize the other family though. That will only make things harder for the other child who isn’t to blame. Bear in mind they may be traumatised themselves, perhaps their son or another relative has experienced severe bullying elsewhere.

I say this as someone who was falsely accused of bullying once myself, and it turned out that the person had in the past been bullied and this was part of the fallout.

Also, though not the case here, people should be aware that a false accusation of bullying can often be used by a victim who is too terrified to identify the real aggressor. I have known someone who was falsely accusing classmates of bullying to try and explain injuries caused by an adult, sad situation.

I don't suppose it is in the OP's power to cause everyone to ostracize these adult bullies; whether other parents want to go on exposing their own children to people who behave like that at a party for children they are not accusing of anything will be up to the individuals who witnessed their behaviour and found it unacceptable, not to the OP. Or so I would expect.

Clearly little lord font is a bully, actions have consequences

That's horrible. If your son had been bullying their child then why didn't they ask to speak to you? Was it just at the party or has their child said it's been at school as well? It's just out of order. We all know children don't always tell the truth and if they just asked you about it then you both could have got both sides of the story. I dont think you've said but has your son said if they get on ok at school or not?

Haha, nice try - oh a bit of helpful advice if you want to be more successful with sticking it to the women of Mumsnet - it makes you look a bit clueless when you quote the OP. We all roll our eyes at the needless scrolling.

Regardless of whether you are biased or not, (and there doesn’t seem to be any evidence of bullying), it is totally unacceptable for two adults to confront a child like that. End of!! I would be raging.

God you are one horrible poster!!