Two adults cornered and scolded my 7yo

[Rosie5832]

At a classmate’s birthday party, my child was cornered by the parents of another classmate. They accused him of bullying their son and told him to stop it. He said he wasn’t doing that and they kept on shouting at him that he was.
After this, he was very upset and was crying inconsolably.
Another parent - the mum of the birthday child - went to his assistance and messaged me telling me to return to the party as my son needed me, and that she couldn’t settle him at all (I had left for an hour). While she was messaging me, these two parents came over to her and told her my son was a bully - he was right there and still crying. She told them to back off. When I arrived, they rushed straight over to me and told me that my son was bullying their son etc. No acknowledgment from them that they had cornered him alone and shouted at him. It was only later at home that he told me what had happened, I called the other mum and she confirmed it, describing the way they approached me as an ‘ambush’. She said the whole party turned into a ‘sh*tshow’ because of the way these parents were behaving, and all the other parents - and probably some of the kids - could see what had happened.
I’m in shock over this. I’m meeting with the school teacher today to alert her to this incident and to make sure my son is kept safe in school.
I want to say something to these parents about their behaviour. Imo they were completely out of line, and all the other mums I’ve spoken to since agree that you never confront a child alone like that, regardless of what issue you have with them.
On the way in to school this morning, my son stopped dead just before the door and said, “why didn’t you stay at the party?”. He was clearly thinking about the whole incident and probably concerned that he would encounter these parents at the school.
Has anyone any experience of this kind of behaviour from other parents?

He must have done something awful.

Why do assume that? The only facts that are available is that two adults did do something awful, cornering and bullying a young child. Why do you assume that the child is at fault here?

If you actually read the OP's posts, you will see that her son did not do anything awful.

He's explained and understood that the way he expressed himself was wrong.
Seven year old's are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. I think that side of the matter has been dealt with and he's suffered enough.

I think OP's son's experience at the party was traumatic - two strange adults shouting accusations at him and humiliating him in front of his friends until he cries. That's the kind of experience that stays with a child. And he/OP are owed an apology from them.

The school doesn't seem to be that bothered about that.

Even the party host was horrified by their behaviour towards a young child.. ganging up on him when they thought no responsible adult was present so that the party host had to intervene to protect him.

“Would you dismiss it and invalidate his feelings?”
Where did that come from?

Why don’t you try reading the thread?

My point being that if a child feels threatened by a comment another child has made, you wouldn’t dismiss that by saying ‘oh don’t be daft, they were only kidding and meant something else’. Your DC said something that may have made the other child very upset, yet both the teacher and yourself seem to have dismissed this as something insignificant. Don’t get me wrong, at no point have I said that what the parents did is fine - it absolutely isn’t, it’s really terrible. There is no justifiable reason for them to have acted in such a way.

you wouldn’t dismiss that by saying ‘oh don’t be daft, they were only kidding and meant something else’.

Why wouldn't you, if it is the usual things 7 year olds say to each other?

There is a fine line between telling a child not to be so sensitive and kowtowing to their "feeeeeelings" which means they grow up thinking they are always right in taking offence.

I agree it doesn’t sound like bullying.

However: I admit I’m biased and will always believe my son over someone else’s child why??? Do you think your child is more truthful than other kids? I understand always supporting your son, but not always believing them over another child.

Crazy overreaction. Do you think the police have time to get involved with petty parental disputes?
Sort it yourself as mature adults.

If your child didn’t have form for bad behaviour or bullying, why wouldn’t your take their side over a child you have nothing to do with? Unless I have cast iron proof of what my child is accused of, I’m always going to believe my child is telling me the truth, over another child. It’d be a bit odd to say ‘Yes I know you’ve said you absolutely didn’t hide little Johnny’s bag but he said you did, so even though you’ve never done anything like this before, I believe him’.

I'm owning my bias here. It's simple.
I am not impartial. Nor am I entitled to pass judgement on other people's children, scold them or humiliate them when I only have my son's version of the truth.

Of course I’m not saying she should believe the other child over hers, that would be ridiculous.

I wouldn’t automatically believe one child or the other. I’d ask questions and try to work out what seems most likely to have happened. And yes if my child has no history of doing what they are accused of, or of lying, that will be a big factor in what I think is likely. But the OP wasn’t saying this, she was simply saying she will always believe her child.

Has your child being horrid to the other child ? How old are they ?
if the parents really where threatening then I would go to the police

Did you miss the part where op did question her child about what had happened? She chose to believe his version of events - which most decent parents would.

Most parents know that children embellish details and are shortcoming with the truth to avoid getting in trouble.
A 7 year old's word should not be taken as gospel!

I’d still believe my child over another child, given they’ve never given me reason to doubt them - what’s to say it’s not the other child embellishing the truth?

I also think most of them wouldn’t dare in real life so you’re right that here is where they get their little thrills.

I'd believe my child v a couple of parents who went batshit over something so minor and confronted a 7 year old together at a party. Not covering themselves in glory here, are they?

I'd just now have a word with the school and ask them to let me know if there are any issues or any further problems, and also keep an open dialogue with my son about it to make sure he feels supported.

I remember (oh, back in prehistory when I was under thirteen) someone having forgotten her homework being told by a friend "you are dead!"

None of us thought it a death-threat as far as I remember; we didn't even think the teacher would literally kill her.

"You're dead" was how you knew you were out of a game when I was a kid. No one believed it meant you were literally dead. I cant believe that this phrase is something that would get you internally excluded or accused of bullying for.

But in my experience, unhappy children will seize on something like this to get their parent's attention.

I’m concerned that a lot of the reply’s assume that this little lad is and has been bullying . Sometimes things are not always as they seem ? Get to the bottom of what did actually did happen and see who did see something not just the bullying adults that cornered him . Adults that should know better . Then If it’s proven he did then deal with it accordingly

Contact these awful parents,telling them how they verbally abused your son. You have plenty witnesses and are seriously thinking about taking it further...Bet they will be full of apologies...who the hell do they think they are...?

That’s not the point here though, is it… ? This is about how the parents behaved. They should’ve spoken directly to the adult hosting the party or the mother when she came to collect.

A 7 year old kid saying “you’re dead” in the context of a playground game is not a “threat” FGS. We used to say that playing tig in the primary school playground when I was wee. It certainly doesn’t justify the uncouth behaviour of the parents, who sound batshit, thick and common.

Further memory: kids of six and seven who didn't have toy guns, when I was that age, would point two fingers at each other, "cock" their thumb, and pretend to pull a trigger, while saying "Bang! Bang! You're dead!" to the person they were pointing at.

Funnily enough, nobody thought that was a threat of literal violence, either.