To feel like I prefer one child over another?

[feelinglikeaterriblemama]

i’ve got two kids — DD who’s 3.5 and DS who’s almost 1. They’re both amazing and I know how lucky I am that they’re healthy. But I feel awful admitting that I seem to prefer DD.

She’s always been the “easier” child — slept better as a baby, more settled, and now at her age we can chat, laugh and do fun things together. With DS it just feels harder, even when I compare the same ages. He’s clingier, more unsettled, and I don’t get the same enjoyment from spending time with him. I feel like I light up more when I’m with DD, and then hate myself for it afterwards.

I know it’s widely accepted that mums shouldn’t have favourites, and I would never let it show to either of them. I’ve never told anyone this before, but it’s been eating away at me.

AIBU to feel this way? Is it just a phase that will pass as DS gets older, or do some people really struggle with this long term?

Stop assessing how you feel about your kids.

Love grows as you get to know little people and as they evolve into who they are going to be. It gets stronger over time from shared experiences, memory making and the act of caring for them day in day out.

Forget the assessing and just focus instead on your role of caring for them both and being as present and kind as you can be. The rest takes care of itself.

I can assure you that if you got a call suggesting your son was in trouble in that moment you would realise how much he means to you. The day to day is hard, harder with a baby than a toddler, but I have no doubt you love both of your kids.

I've had similar thoughts and feeings as you OP. But as the children grow and change my favourite has changed too and it's happened a few times. They are now 23 and 19 and I love them both deeply and about the same, though I have more interests in common with one of them, and so spend a little more time with that one. And like you say don't ever let it become obvious to the DC!