What's your worst playdate experience?

[PumpkinSly]

Aibu to ask what your worst playdate stories are (if you can still call it a play date at 9). DS has been to his friends this afternoon and has come home covered in what I can only assume is dog shit. The friend has two dogs and DS has come home with shit all over his shoes, trousers, t-shirt, and even in his hair. It doesn't even smell like normal dog shit. It is very cheesy in smell and it's all over him. He reeked. He said he spent time playing in the garden, but who lets kids play in a dog shit covered garden?! FFS! He's washed, we've cleaned the interior of the car, and his clothes are in the washing machine, so no long term damage. But I am sorely tempted to message the mother and tell her the state DS has come home in. DH thinks it's not worth it, and maybe he is right, so please, tell me your playdate nightmares to distract me.

Neighbour had 2 DC very similar in age to my 2. Every so often we went for coffee in one of our houses, whilst the DC played. We'd both been busy and not met up for a while when I bumped in to her in the street and we both agreed we needed to meet up again soon and pencilled in a day/time. She contacted me a few days before to say she had an old friend visiting for a few days, but wanted to catch up so would it be OK to come over to mine and bring her friend. Not a problem. On the day, she called to say actually, could they come a little earlier. Again, not a problem. When they arrived, the DC started playing and she said she and friend had really wanted to visit a new shop in town that was not very child friendly (lots of breakables etc), so would I mind if they popped down whilst the DC were happy playing- and they would come home via the nice bakery to get cake for everyone. It seemed a bit cheeky, but I agreed. They seemed to have been a long time and I was considering calling to check that everything was OK when she called to say they ended up quickly nipping to another similar shop in the next town as well and 'lost track of time', but as it was now lunch time they'd just ordered themselves some lunch but would be back very soon 'with extra special cake for you to apologise for being so ditsy'. They finally appeared at about 5pm (having dropped her DC just before 10) with a box of Mr Kipling country slices which very much added insult to injury as they are particularly unpleasant and there were not even enough in the box for each of us and the DC to have one. I half expected a proper cake/apology after her friend had left (or at least an offer to look after my DC one day) but no, nothing.

The mum I had to deal with did just this. Vanished.
DH and I agreed that if she didn’t come back by DDs bedtime we were calling the police.
We got very close to doing just that.

@Skye109

I have to say, the more affluent the home and better educated the parents, the more destructive the little guests in my experience.

I’ve often pondered on this. I’m sure there are many reasons for this phenomenon but iI put it down to mc parents being more into trendy soft parenting theories than wc mums and dads. Also some mc parents are obsessed with maintaining and boosting their offspring’s self-esteem and are highly reluctant to reprimand them particularly in front of others. They are also more likely to believe their children are very special, highly intelligent and gifted, and excuse a lot of behaviour in that way.

The children’s friends from the council estate never caused any problems in our house. I found them polite and well-behaved, and less precocious and annoying! Their parents had clearly prioritised manners and weren’t scared of giving them a good telling off for bad behaviour.

Sorry to reinforce stereotypes, but I speak from bitter experience!

My worst was when two of the invited friends didn’t show up … it seemed really odd that they both cancelled at very short notice. It transpired that the Mummy of the friend who did turn up had been having an affair with the Daddy of one of the no show Mummy’s. Mummy number two was staying away in solidarity … I had no clue about any of it u tip afterwards 🤦🏼‍♀️

DD1 had invited 6 girls over for her 9th birthday, and we had taken them for a run around on the local beach. We also had DD2 with us, so DH and I each took a car with 4 girls each. I was a Brownie leader at the time, so well used to wrangling large groups of girls, in fact most of the girls were in my pack. When we got back from the beach, DH took me to one side and whispered urgently "I think one of the girls has shat themselves!"

I spotted one girl hovering against the wall as the others ran around the garden manically, and as I approached, I could smell the problem immediately. I whisked her away and ushered her into the bathroom to have a shower, dug out some clean clothes, rinsed her own clothes and chucked them in the wash.

Whispers were beginning amongst the rest of the girls about what had happened, so I announced "Lucy accidentally got some dog poo on her at the beach, so she's just washing it off", and happily, the girls all accepted my explanation.

I called her Mum and told her what had happened, but that she was fine, and her Mum replied "Not again! I've told her she should use the toilet as soon as she needs to, but she has this habit of hanging on till the last second, and sometimes leaves it too late!" I was a bit surprised, given that she was 9, but it was not the end of the world...

Until DH went to get in his car to go to work the next morning, and as soon as he opened the door he was assaulted by the most god-awful smell. It turned out that Lucy had not only shat herself, but had managed to wipe it on the seat she was sitting on, ground some into the carpet on the floor, and must have had some on her hands, as she'd attempted to wipe it off onto the back of the driver's seat. DH had to get to work, so we ended up giving it all a quick wipe with antibacterial wipes, then spraying the lot with disinfectant spray and Neutradol, then chucking a couple of old towels over the worst affected areas until we could deal with it properly when he got home from work.

Needless to say, DH drove to work with all the windows down!

I agree with this 100%.

We live in a diverse area and it’s a diverse school and it’s usually the ones from
the more affluent backgrounds who
make the worst guests in my experience.

The most polite kids I’ve had the pleasure to meet (who we still see regularly) live in a council house with a single Mum who seems to work all hours to make sure her kids have everything they need. Their manners are like 1950s-level polite.

Would have had a friend for life if you had said that to me in response to having just headered down the stairs and dragged a coat hook out of the wall. As long as you didn’t mind a bit of apologetic laughing.

Yes it was outside. I wouldn't have been as upset at all if it was cigarettes and a glass of wine, funnily enough. I think attitudes towards weed (and smoking actually) have changed a lot since then, TBH - it was before all the legalisation in the US, before medical use, well before vapes had taken over everywhere and smoking around children was a bit frowned upon but fairly normal. At least among people I knew, weed was definitely considered an illegal drug, in the same category as hard drugs. Yes it was on the milder end but still not a normal thing to have or use casually.

It honestly felt like I was watching someone snort coke while the children played nearby or something like that. Just something you would never ever expect to mix with children, no matter your personal views about what adults enjoy on their own time. I think I was also a bit concerned about passive smoking too? Which was a bit silly given they were the other end of the garden.

Not at all bad compared to dog poo! First playdate with a New potential friend she came round with the child full of cold, literally dripping snot over everything. We all got ill afterwards. Never saw her again.

I've thought about this a lot and sadly I think there is a strategic advantage to parenting your kids this way. Generally, confident people who can sell themselves succeed in life. Even over-confident people bat above their weight. It takes a while to see through the veneer even if they're somewhat lacking below it. Believing you're great can get you a lot way. Even if you're brilliant, you're not going to get to the top of you're prone to self-doubt and questioning yourself and, even if you do, you won't enjoy it (imposter syndrome).

I was parented in the opposite way - never speak up, never make trouble, never get in anyone's way, don't be annoying, don't speak out of turn, be polite and self-effacing, make yourself smaller essentially - and I entered adulthood cripplingly shy with very little faith in my own abilities.

I find it very hard as a parent to know where to draw the line. I don't want to raise obnoxious brats who don't care about anyone else but I'd prefer my kids to reach adulthood somewhat more confident and capable than I was.

There was one really awkward one when
I was a child. I was about 6 or 7. A friend from school (not a bestie but
someone I played with) came round for a sleepover, which was my first and hers.

All went well until bedtime when we were getting ready for bed in my room she suddenly produced a nappy put it on herself as though it was the most
natural thing in the world.

I had been toilet trained day and night as a
toddler and had no idea that some kids
of my age still wet the bed, so
I started laughing and asked
her if she was a baby, which really upset her.

I think she was under the impression that everyone wore a nappy to bed!

Then it went from bad to worse. In the middle of the night (probably in
the early hours) she woke up crying and wanting to go home, so my Mum had to
call her Mum and she went home in
the middle of the night.

Fast forward to school (remember we were in Infants 3 (now Year 2 so go easy on me) and I told some other friends what had happened. I’m sure you can imagine the rest.

I still feel guilty and wonder if Karma gave
me an autistic child as a result…

I met a woman at swimming lessons who had recently adopted a boy 9, the same age as my eldest . We were invited to play on their quite remote farm. It all started off well, my DSs were taken to a barn and shown the Guinea pig they'd recently got and after petting it, off they went to play. When they came back some time later, I asked what they'd been up to and my eldest told me they'd been 'to the quarry'. After an ominous silence the mother said, 'I told you never to go there', whereupon her DS denied they'd gone there while my DS protested and looked completely baffled. We left shortly afterwards and later learned that the boy had gone out to the barn after we'd gone and drowned the Guinea Pig.

Totally agree. I was also raised to be polite, considerate, respectful and not cause problems for others - and in the 90s I think I raised my children in very Mapuche the same way, only to see them squashed by bumptious, over- confident children from affluent backgrounds who never seemed to get told off.

Very frustrating. I still think my way , and my parents’ way, is right and makes for better citizens, but I sometimes feel I put mine at a disadvantage in life. We lived in a highly competitive, high-earning SE commuter town, though, which was a far cry from the old-fashioned rural are I was brought up in. Perhaps that made a difference too.

So hard to get it right!

Mapuche? Much!

Where does autocorrect get these things from?

From my own childhood- I had a friend over as a child who came over and was choking my hamster as she thought it was hilarious. Hamster survived as I went and got my Mum who stopped her, but needless to say she was never invited back. She was 9, so definitely old enough to know better

In terms of playdates I've hosted, I agreed to watch a friend's DC at soft play while she had an appointment. Her DC and mine were playing happily when I noticed a farting sound and then a god awful smell coming from her youngest.

Took the littlest to the loo and discovered the poor kid had gastroenteritis, as evidenced by the fact that the child was coated in a layer of liquid shit under their clothes that went from their ankles all the way up to their neck. The poor child was 3 and absolutely beside themselves crying with complete mortification.

So there I was, in the loo at soft play, trying not to vomit while wiping the shit off this poor little sobbing waif with wet wipes, reassuring them that everything would be okay. I stuck them in my same aged DC's spare clothes with a puddle suit over the top and thankfully mum arrived just after and was able to whisk them off home to rest. The poor kid got better, by some miracle my DC didn't catch it, and the children are still firm friends who regularly have playdates together, but that was definitely my most traumatic playdate to date.

One child who pissed on the floor on purpose. The same child strangled my son and wouldn't leave my husbands kettlebells alone. His mum sat there gossiping with another mum. Never again.

I expect I will get flamed for saying this.......
But
Every single solitary child that has been round and vandalised my house, broken mine and DC's possessions and shown utter spoilt brat levels of rudeness towards me has come from parents in upper middle to upper class professions. Every one of them. And all of them without exception grew up through the primary school years being looked after on a daily basis after school by au pairs or by staff running various after school clubs. And they all lived in homes that wouldn't be out of place in Homes and Gardens. Or they had second homes. Or holiday homes abroad.
The one and only child who in 7 years of me hosting playdates displayed exemplary manners and excellent behaviour with incredibly good social skills and who showed kindness and respect towards my DC and towards their bedroom and toys was a boy called a name that I've seen get derided on here for being a 'chav' name (I loathe that term but I have seen it used on this forum to describe his name), who lived in a 2 bedroom council flat with 4 siblings. His mother was a full time mum, didn't work, and my goodness she did a great job at raising a wonderful boy who was a credit to her. I used to tell her this often, so I impressed was I by her DS (in comparison to all the others!).
Disclaimer: This is my personal experience only.

We got some coat pegs on the wall, some are low down so our three year old can reach them. Our sons friend, who has very precious helicopter parents and was on his first ever playdate without a parent stood up under one and managed to cut his head open. Heads bleed really well and he had shoulder length blonde hair. By the time his dad arrived he looked like an extra from the battle of helms deep. Oddly enough future invites were all turned down by his parents.

First full class soft play party after starting school my son managed to bash his face on the edge of a slide at the top, leaving a trail of blood all the way down.
Resulted in a trip to A&E, a plastic surgery consult and a general anaesthetic next day to to repair it as he'd gone right through the muscle on his eyelid and needed internal and external stitches.
The poor mum was mortified (100% not her fault clearly!). We did get invited back to future class parties and he rather loved showing off his stitches and scar for a while.
Thankfully the surgeon did a fantastic job and it now blends into his eyelid crease and isn't noticeable at all.

@Skye109

So when this happened. On the multiple occasions your home was trashed, belongings destroyed, damage caused, what did you say to their parents?

How did they respond when you asked them for money to replace these things?

DS was invited for a play date aged around 6. Mum seemed nice and she made it clear it was a “let’s hang out with the kids in the garden in a sunny afternoon” thing. When we arrived she opened the door topless and remained like that for the rest of the afternoon. When I went to the toilet it was so dirty I actually couldn’t use it. Very odd.

I started reading this thread expecting to cringe at some stories and laugh at others, but many are of these are just heartbreaking or horrifying 😧

I’ve remembered two plays dates I went on as a kid. My sister and I used to go play with a brother and sister from school, they had a very chilled single mum. I’m not sure who instigated it but we emptied a whole beanbag down the stairs and shouted “it’s snowing “!! Their mum made us all clean it up and amazingly we got invited back.

another one I moved school in year 5 and soon got invited to a girls house after school. We were playing a game of jumping from the top of her wardrobe onto her bed and the bed broke! Never got invited back… volunteering at my sons scouts c group and who should appear as district commissioner at their AGM… yes the girls mums, I kept a very low profile that night!

‘must that child be here? What can you do with a child like that?’

I’m sorry your son went through that but this wins the thread🤣🤣🤣

I didn't ever ask parents for money.
I couldn't have brought myself to say "Give me £X amount for the cost of a new xxx".
There were all different types of scenarios.
The one with the brand new Sylvanian caravan that had its door and hinges snapped off, I looked at the mum who had stayed for the playdate, and said "That's my DD's brand new birthday present, it cost £60 and she's only had it a week...." and the mum said "You can easily glue it back on. It's not Rupert's fault, it must be very cheap quality" and then she changed the subject. It never could be glued back on. The whole point of the hinges was so that the caravan door could open and close. Not be glued shut. I never said "Give me £60".
The boy that tore up DD's bedroom, dolls, drawings, I mean he was out of control beyond belief. He literally tore through our house. He was 11, not a toddler. His mother was present, she'd stayed for a cup of tea, and I have never in my life seen a grown woman speak in such a baby-girl sing-song voice to a child that age. She was saying "Ohhh, have you had a challenging day at school Duncan? I can see you're experiencing emotions of frustration and sadness Duncan. It's ok, I'm here, let's breath through this together...." whilst my DD was crying her eyes out at her belongings being ripped apart by him. Then the mum said to me "I think something has triggered Duncan to express anger, I'll work through it with him tonight. Let me know the cost to replace your DD's toys." She could see my DD's distress. I was so livid in this scenario that I actually did send her links on WhatsApp to all the toys her DS had ripped apart. I fully expected to receive newly bought replacements and I felt glad for DD that I would be able to give them to her and say they're from Duncan's mum to say sorry. But I never heard from her again. Never got a reply to my text. Never received replacements.
Other scenarios involved mums at my house smiling and faux eye rolling at their DC's "spirited" behaviour with no authentic apologies. I could never had said "Can you pay me for X Y Z that your nightmare of a kid has trashed".
Other scenarios involved the kids being round on their own without parents. Upon collection, I would tell the mum about the damage caused by their child, and I'd be met with an insipid and non comittal "Oh, sorry to hear that, sounds a bit tricky, please say sorry to Syke, thank you Noah....." Noah would stare blankly with not 1 spoken word of apology and mum would say nonchalantly "Tired I expect Noah, ok then, bye Skye!" and go home without one offer of compensation.
Meanwhile I'm left too gobsmacked to outright ask for the damages to be paid for.
Re the birthday presents hidden in the cupboard that got ripped open, that was a funny one. It was the dad that collected, so I told him. He said "Hmmm, doesn't sound like something my child would do, I'll chat to them at home and get back to you..." Later that evening I got a text from him saying "My child says it wasn't them that did it, it was your child". I said "No it wasn't my child because my child was with me at the time it happened, and I walked in and saw your child pulling open the boxes". To which he said "I'm never going to allow my child round to your house again if you're going to falsely accuse them of behaviour they'd never do. I'm not replacing anything because I don't believe my child did it.". And that was that.
I've just remembered 1 girl came round and ransacked DD's bedroom to such an extent that it took me 5 days to clean the chaos up. I don't mean 5 entire days. But 5 days of coming home from work and spending 2 hours after work over 5 consecutive days to clean up and clear up the damage done. I never told the mum about that one, I just resolved never to have her round ever again. I remember feeling tearful by day 3.
I've also just remembered another episode where DD's friend popped open one of those sensory balls full of white squidgy goo.....OMG it went EVERYWHERE!!! All up the walls, in the carpet, all over her hair, in her eyes, she was screeching that she couldn't see, Jesus Christ. It was all over her dress. I couldn't believe so much fluid came out of this ball. I washed her hair and face and called the mum to come early to pick her up. Mum sounded very put out. When she arrived, I said I can't get the marks off of my walls, it's stained the paintwork..." she looked at the marks on her DD's dress and said haughtily "I hope those marks come out! Come on Harriet!" and didn't give a shit about my walls.
There is so much more I could tell you about!