Keir Starmer "sick and tired" of hearing about children who aren't school-ready

[Kirova]

I get the point he's trying to make, of course, but it seems like a stick to beat parents with (and particularly mothers, of course). There's no sense in saying you want all children to be in the same place when they start school. Apart from anything else, some are nearly a year younger than others in their cohort, so clearly they are not going to be in the same place.

My youngest daughter was born premature, has a significant hearing impairment and various other difficulties. She will soon be two, and while she's doing brilliantly, I doubt she'll be "school-ready" by the government's current definition when she is four.

Not sure what my point is exactly, it just seems like another absurd over-simplification on the theme of failing our children, state of the country, etc.

When someone says a child is not "school ready," it usually doesn’t refer to their ability to count or recognise phonics—those are skills that can be taught in Reception. Instead, it’s often about a lack of development in a few key areas that affect how well a child can manage in a classroom setting. These include:

1. Toileting Independently

Many children start school still unable to use the toilet independently and have accidents throughout the school day which means a teacher needs to sort this child out while one teacher manages to teach 30 4 year olds.

1. Dressing and Undressing Themselves

A lot of children cannot put on their own socks, shoes, or trousers—and struggle even more with buttons or zips. While fine motor skills do take time to develop, children should ideally be able to dress and undress themselves (within reason) before starting school. This isn’t about perfection, but basic independence.

1. Emotional Regulation and Handling Disagreement

Some emotional outbursts are completely normal at this age, but there is a trend: many children struggle to regulate their emotions, especially when things don’t go their way. A contributing factor is often parenting styles where tantrums are met with giving in—for the sake of peace and quiet. I see this daily at the school gate. Unfortunately, this teaches children that extreme reactions get results, and this behaviour becomes more challenging in a classroom of 30 children.

1. Inability to Cope with Boredom

Children today often expect constant entertainment—whether it's screens or adult-led activities—and struggle with short periods of waiting or downtime. But it's actually okay to be bored. Boredom is when creativity and independent thinking start to develop. Children need unstructured time to build this resilience. I remember when I was younger and would keep trying until I figured out how to do something. Now parents always want to help their children which is super sweet but does not help build resilience or independence. I struggle with this last one as I never had this as a child when it comes to homework as my mother could not read or write. So I have often over helped my daughter to figure out her homework and now she struggles to work independently so we are working on that.

1. Weak Gross and Fine Motor Skills

Motor skill development is another major area where many children are behind. Climbing, playing with dough, using pegs or tongs—these activities build muscle strength and coordination. Even five minutes a day from the age of two can make a huge difference. Unfortunately, many children spend more time on tablets than engaging in these physical and tactile experiences. When I was younger, I spent time in parks or helping in the kitchen—kneading dough, rolling it out, and learning through hands-on play.

These are the prime areas where children not are not ready for school—not phonics or numbers.

A child who frequently has tantrums, accidents, struggles to sit still, or has underdeveloped motor skills can find school overwhelming. This not only affects their own learning but also the whole class. Children who feel behind or incapable often act out, not because they're "naughty," but because they’re frustrated or embarrassed.

Parents are under immense pressure. Many are working full-time, and the support systems that once allowed a parent to stay home simply aren’t there for most families anymore. It's not about blame—it's about awareness.

But recognising these gaps early and working on them at home, even in small ways, can make a huge difference in helping a child thrive in school.

The gentle parents I know would describe themselves as the above but are completely useless and their kids rule the roost. Their kids aren’t even happy - they’re emotionally fractious, exhausted (due to dictating their own bedtimes and insisting on sleeping in their parents beds so they wake each other up all night) and in need of total control in everything they do.

My daughter’s best friend is ‘gentle parented’. She screamed and tipped the table over and started ripping paper and pens off it last time she came over, all because she asked me for help with her drawing but I picked up the wrong pen. She’s 6.

Just going to jump in and post a link to the Starting Reception website that was being promoted earlier this year.
https://startingreception.co.uk/
I was wondering what practical help do you think would help parents get their children school ready? Do you think this should be specifically promoted by health visitors?

I think more information about potty training could be useful- I consider myself a pretty switched on parent but potty training seemed like a bit of a mystery to me. It wasn't until going to our nursery open evening for new starts that I realised they expected all 3 year olds to be potty trained. Thankfully we had a summer to prepare. We had been 'waiting until ready' to try but now realise I was missing signs that she was ready and we could have potty trained earlier.

I think it’s like healthy eating - everyone says it’s about ‘education’ but even if we ‘educated’ these people they wouldn’t care and wouldn’t do it. Everyone expects public services to micromanage every aspect of their lives now, there is zero individual responsibility and no consequences.

I don't actually believe that he said what he did in the way you have taken it OP, and I also think they were not his exact words, as I did watch the program. I think his point was that he's sick and tired of hearing that children aren't being helped nearly enough to prepare for school, in whatever way is necessary. Obviously we're hearing about children that aren't taught how to wipe their own backsides, which if they don't have any physical or mental disability which has delayed this ability, is totally down to poor parenting. However, there are other children who are suffering because there aren't enough nursery places, or other things which are down to a shortage in funds, etc., he clearly wants to put this right, and was criticising the system, not parents as a whole.

It's the knock on problems with teachers too. Would you want to deal with these children?

Two of DD's friends went into primary teaching. Both have left after their first year because they couldn't cope with the development and behaviour of these young children. All the issues mentioned, plus being physically assaulted, by small children! And one was a young man. So all that training down the pan. Neither are going back.

• Using cutlery (e.g. fork and spoon, chopsticks) and drinking from an open cup

Chopsticks obviously aren’t acceptable in a British school 😉 Asian children not knowing how to use knife/ fork are included in those not being school ready according to this thread. God forbid Asian and African families who eat with their fingers.

But they do need to be taught.

Or rather they need to be expected as part of normal development.

The reason children can’t sit quietly and wait for a few minutes is they expected to as given screens “or they get bored”.

Boredom is part of being able to manage the world. Life ain’t one big fairground ride of intensive interaction.

YABU OP. Nobody likes Keir and cares about what he thinks and has to say. He never gets anything right! 🙄

I don't think it's about force, but it is sometimes quite off-putting for people who are struggling to be alongside those who aren't. Slightly different, but my 3 girls are all ND. Very different profiles, but the early years were hard. I had won if all 3 girls were washed, dressed, and in one piece. I was walking to the car from school one afternoon and a very middle class, beautifully dressed mother said to her very middle class children 'shall we visit the library on the way home?' and I felt terrible, because there was no way we would visit the library - it wasn't safe, and it reminded me that I wasn't giving my children those early experiences that set them up for the future.

I can imagine that if you are poor, maybe with mental health struggles, it would be even harder to be sitting in a room with women who thought the event was a 'nice activity'.

Yes,.but if you are talking to your kids and reading to your kids and they are struggling to talk it's a sign something's wrong. Parents like that will usually notice the child isn't talking back, or that the child seems to be stuck/going backwards in milestones and raise it. Often they are the ones to notice first and make a fuss (also it's usually parents who panic even when nothings wrong).

That's different to not talking to your kids and because of this not even really noticing they aren't talking back/where they should be language wise. I think often it's a lack of knowledge/capability than malevolence/deliberate neglect but it is an issue.

Agree.

and I think the continual excusing everything isn’t helping.

I have a ds with a genetic condition who is disabled. I get disability and developmental norms.

I also work in a school for children with severe learning disabilities. We have 15/16yos functioning around 2-3 years old - therefore the skills we teach them are tidying up and dressing etc. because they are age appropriate.

There are a few children who enter MS school who should be in special school. But the majority who enter MS should be there and we need to live away from thinking send means incapable. These children can learn - albeit slower than their peers.

The problem seems to be the unwillingness to out the effort into supporting children’s development now and a focus instead on finding all the reasons they can’t do something. We should be finding out how we can help them achieve it.

How come when I went to primary school, all children were toilet trained and ready? Same with my girls. What’s going on with children of today?

Yes they need to be expected to of course but some children, particularly girls, will find that easier than boys to sit down and be quiet.

We’re talking about 4/5 year olds so giving them screens constantly is atrocious I absolutely agree with that.

Spaces dominated by middle class women put me off, whether it's parenting or feminist spaces or whatever else. I'm always acutely, acutely aware of my background and sometimes intimidated. It is something that's recognised but I'm not sure how well-intentioned people can work with that.

We really didn’t have kids who were in nappies or couldn’t use cutlery when I started school. I remember the head gently correcting me because I held my knife and fork in the wrong hands. But teachers weren’t expected to be nursery assistants. So what has changed in the past 50 years? If children were capable 50 years ago, why wouldn’t they be capable now?

I don’t think you can make judgements at that level. All the children my DC started school with (they are 6 and 9) were toilet trained too. Clearly a sample size of a few experiences doesn’t represent what’s apparently happening in reception classes all over.

I can remember fairly regular 'accidents' from other children when I started school, I don't have that many memories of the early days but that is one of the things I do remember. That was in the mid 80s. We also had twice-yearly intakes then.

It was fairly obvious he wasn't critising parents. He was decrying the lack of support for parents and children. He wants all children to have equal opportunities in school.

I and most of my school had packed lunch sandwiches in primary and middle in the 80s. No one knew whether we could use a knife and fork. School lunches were mainly only eaten by those on free school meals because they were so vile.

I get the feeling that the concept of "late developer" (ie a child - like Einstein! - who is slower in the early years but then goes on to be equal or more advanced) no longer exists in the public mind. But it does still exist in the scientific world. Please don't listen to Starmer on this, he isn't an education expert and he was probably tired and cross about something else at the time.

Sorry, but imo that is just an example of whataboutery.

I've seen homes where parents pooh-pooh the idea of establishing a routine, of sitting down to eat with their children and insisting on a modicum of table manners, of requiring their children to not write on the walls, who allowi their children to roughhouse with each other indoors to the huge detriment of furniture, etc - parents who think they're successfully rewriting the parenting wisdom of centuries and doing everything better than their own house proud parents did. These are often parents who are very conscientious about 'screen time' (because that's a marker of being middle class). These kids have a very hard time adapting to school even at age 5 when the desire to fit in is starting to develop. The problem.is more pronounced in families with a majority of boys, where rambunctious behaviour is tolerated or even smilingly encouraged.

I started school 64 years ago this month. My birthday is at the end of August, so I was the youngest of an intake in a small village school, not an affluent area. We could all write our names and write figures up to 10, we could all read a bit and there was no one who was not toilet trained.
I don’t think our parents could tolerate dealing with towelling nappies indefinitely so we had to learn quickly!
My parents would write words and numbers for me to copy everyday and would encourage me to read newspaper headlines as well as children’s books.
Several of us went to grammar school a year early, and were quite OK.
My parents left school at 14 but somehow managed to achieve school readiness without any difficulty. Maybe the lack of even TV for most people helped.

Me too. And they were sorted out by teachers without any drama. And the children went on to do well and did wonderful things in adulthood.

I miss the sure start centres. On paper I wasn't who they were targeting, but as I hadn't grown up around babies so didn't really know how to really interact with them. The sure start centres really helped me get extra help for DD .

My DD was behind on everything, but it turned out that's because she is Autistic.

I do think that as more people grow up in single child families, that the centres will be needed more as less people will know how to act around babies.