Is this normal or am I a mug?

[jumpingjaque]

Am I in the wrong?

Parrtner is away for a boys weekend. No issues whatsoever but his niece’s 18th was planned for tonight afterwards.

I went, lovely evening with his family etc. I’ve sent him videos and pics of his niece. Nothing back?

He’s commenting on the family chat but not to me directly?

We are both mid to late 40’s so this is not some sort of childish behaviour.

I’m pissed off that I’ve gone out of my way to sort out childcare for an evening to spend with his family and he cannot even acknowledge me? Is this normal?

He’s probably just having fun with his mates. I wouldn’t have contacted my DH at all other than just a text to say he’d landed safely wherever he is.

when’s he home?

He's on a " boys" weekend but he is a 40 year old man?
What is he doing on this weekend OP? He obviously has reverted to single status and thats why he isn't interacting with you.

you are a mug

What a strange comment, you can still go away with friends when you’re in your 40’s 😂

Id be frustrated with him not replying, but I think you just get side tracked when away in a group. He probably intended to reply but forgot or thought he didn’t need to be so prompt.

FWIW I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with texting your DH while he’s away. We text throughout the day and probably phone in the morning and evening when either of us are away from home.

are you on that family group chat?

Yes it’s a 40th birthday, I’m not annoyed about the lack of contact, it’s the continued contact on his family group that’s annoying me. I’ve text him, he’s read it and doesn’t respond but replies to his family chat.

Yes

Why?

is he seeing your msg's? or are your msg's muted and he's only seeing those from the family group what's app?
well if your on the family what's app it's a bit redundant to msg you personally, but i would expect a small side conversation yes.

Then why does he need to reply to you too? Jesus there’s only so much you can say about a niece’s 18th birthday.

This wouldn’t bother me. A quick ‘Looks like you all had a great time and the birthday girl looks like she’s having fun’ sent to the family group chat would satisfy me.

If you didn’t want to go to his family do when he’s out on the piss then that’s on you.

Thanks, yes he’s read them but ignored as not replied.

I’m sure he’s just distracted and on this occasion it’s family that comes first. You are really overthinking this! Hope I’m right and he can reassure you when you’re next together

Exactly, once he’s made the appropriate comment about the 18th do, I wouldn’t have expected him to put his phone away and get on with being present with his friends.

but I find it really rude if I’m out with someone and they keep texting other people.

I can see why it's annoying if he responding to the group chat and not you. But did anything actually require a response? If you sent photos and videos and he's seen them he maybe hasn't seen any need to respond. And then he's responding on the group chat knowing you'll see that. I wouldn't think too much of it.

Really? Right ok. Obviously on a different wavelength here. If the tables are turned and I was away, he made the effort to go to a family celebration (for whatever reason) I’d be highly grateful and asking how it went etc? Would you not?

@Pippa12

What a strange comment, you can still go away with friends when you’re in your 40’s

Of course a 40 year old can go away with friends. But that is not how OP described her partner's trip away.

A 40 year old is not, by any stretch of the imagination a " boy". The only reason for describing a 40 year man as a "boy" is if he behaves like an irresponsible teenager. As is the norm for men who go away on " boys" weekends.

Yes of course, but only after he’s back home, not right in the middle of his night out.

I do apologise, he is away abroad for an extended weekend. The issue is that he’s quite capable of responding to the family group chat but not to me directly. I’m not sure where that information was lost but to me it’s quite frustrating.

If your messages are about the event he probably sees the reply to everyone as including you.

He’s busy, preoccupied and distracted and getting lots of messages.

Gosh what on earth did we do before mobile phones.
imagine having to wait till you got home from a holiday to hear how your nieces 18th went.

Did you choose to arrange childcare to go the party or are you pissed off that you were persuaded to go ?
Im not really sure it’s something he should feel grateful to you for.

Does he have form for this kind of behaviour where you feel ignored and unappreciated……surely you wouldn’t write a post about a one off issue?

You sound like you've got the hump because you didn't want to go to the niece's party but have only gone as a massive favour to your DP. But surely you'd only go to this is if you actually wanted to? You had a perfectly valid reason not to.

Absolutely no issues with going to the nieces birthday. Had a lovely evening. Issue is not with his family but with his lack of communication. He goes away a lot with his mates, I’ve no issue with it. Sorry I’m just annoyed that he’s actively responding to other family members on a group chat and I haven’t heard a peep from him. The whole niece’s birthday probably wasn’t relevant but it was to me as I was there.

I would be annoyed by that as well but maybe he thinks you are busy chatting to people at the party and there is no need to reply until later or tomorrow

Not really to be honest. He’s does go away a lot as do we as a family but this time just seems a bit off