Is this normal or am I a mug?

[jumpingjaque]

Am I in the wrong?

Parrtner is away for a boys weekend. No issues whatsoever but his niece’s 18th was planned for tonight afterwards.

I went, lovely evening with his family etc. I’ve sent him videos and pics of his niece. Nothing back?

He’s commenting on the family chat but not to me directly?

We are both mid to late 40’s so this is not some sort of childish behaviour.

I’m pissed off that I’ve gone out of my way to sort out childcare for an evening to spend with his family and he cannot even acknowledge me? Is this normal?

Have you specifically asked him a question and he is ignoring you or did you just upload pictures and a video with nothing else? Could he feel he is addressing everyone on the group WhatsApp so he doesn’t need to contact you individually, especially if you didn’t ask him a direct question?

Given your ages, I’m going to assume you’ve been together long enough for him to know you well enough to know you want a reply and will see this as rude behaviour so on that basis I’m going to say that YANBU.

How rude. I'm sure lots of us don't expect a partner who's on a short break away to be in contact through multiple different chats. He's in contact. She went to a party through choice.

Could that be because he knows you won't be taking it the wrong way?

How would you describe the 'sort of man' who goes on stage does. Would he have to be a bad husband, bad father, bad in any way?

Was it a big effort to make to go to the 18th or just involved child care? Is it because it's his family and not yours?

I don’t think the op has an issue with him being away, why should she. The issue is he’s not having so much fun that he’s not got time to reply to the family but can’t send his other half a quick reply. My dh wouldn’t ever ignore me because he’s not a dick. Just because he’s away doesn’t mean he’s lost the use of his fingers for a quick, great photos hope you had a nice time sort of thing.

OP, I think your DH is rude to not at least send a quick reply to your messages. I don’t know why you’re getting a hard time on here!

It sounds as if you’re expecting him to send you a short message thanking you for going in his absence. What was the discussion regarding arrangements and did he ask you to attend or would you have gone anyway? In any case, perhaps when he comes home you could mention a note of appreciation wouldn’t have gone amiss. He’s probably thinking nothing of it, having contributed to the group chat though.

Yeah it’s rude of him. Is there some reason why he’d be ignoring you - is he annoyed you went to the party or something? But yes if the shoe was on the other foot I’d be super grateful and would most definitely reply to messages.

If your messages were along the lines of the messages and videos etc posted on the family group chat, I don't see why he would have needed to reply to those too? He's on a holiday abroad, he's taken the time and trouble to add his opinions to the group chat about what's happening at home, as his DN's 18th is quite an occasion. Very polite and thoughtful of him. If your messages were totally different, like "I didn't go to DN's party because DS started puking and DD is fainting continually, hope you're having a good trip" then I'd be annoyed at getting no replies to that. But more photos of DN dancing with Grandad and video of her blowing out all the cake candles don't really need a response from someone away on holiday, when he's already responded on the group chat where everyone can see his replies. And I don't see why he should be grateful to you for going, unless his family are hard work.

I think it was rude of him to not send a quick text. Did he eventually reply or explain why he didn’t @jumpingjaque?

The issue with this is your feelings towards it. It sounds to this outsider as though you're already unhappy - maybe with him not attending the niece's event, or not paying you enough attention, maybe other subleties that we don't have access to.

I've recently been in a situation where the relationship dynamics were ambiguous and I became overly sensitive as to how often the other messaged or phoned. It wasn't healthy, and the problem was my need for validation.

FWIW, I don't think he's been out of order. He knows you'll have seen the family WhatsApps. If he normally wishes you goodnight when he's away, and doesn't or breaks other routines then have a chat about it when he's home.

You sound like me! I get annoyed by stupid stuff like that and i'll admit its very childish.

In my experience its because the messages i send my DH dont really need to be answered, whereas the family group it'll be noticed if he doesnt respond.

He's not doing it on purpose.

I expect he's looking forward to a proper chinwag with you when he gets back, I wouldn't worry.

Sorry, I feel YABU. If you are on the family group chat then he is replying to you (along with the rest of the group). I wouldn't feel like I needed to specifically reply to photos sent outside the group chat in that situation. Maybe there are more issues in your relationship, but getting upset about this makes no sense to me.

I wouldn’t feel the need to respond to bunch of texts or videos about my nieces 18th either - in fact I’d be wondering why on earth my partner was bothering to send them in the first place.

If someone sent me photos and videos of a nieces birthday I would wonder why, and have no idea what to reply.
You're included in the group messages.

Do you feel like he takes you for granted?

You need to have equal time for you, where he does the childcare and you go spend time with friends, siblings, family.

He shouldn't think it's your job to sort family occasions whilst he goes off with friends.

What you see as kindness, he may see as your job.

It's HIS niece, not hers.

But he's finding the time to comment on the family chat.

Sounds like he is taking the piss with all these trips and you rightly feel like a mug.

If you feel like a mug, you generally are, IMO.

I know. My reply was written knowing that.

You wouldn't know how to reply to seeing picture's of your niece's birthday party celebrated with her family, i.e. your mum and dad and siblings?

Maybe I'm missing something but I don't really see the issue. He is away, but is texting and acknowledging his niece's birthday in the family chat. You are part of the family chat so he knows you are seeing his messages. He is nit ignoring you, he is responding in the other chat instead of the private one. I don't think you are a mug (what does that even mean in this context?) but I do think you sound very insecure and needy. Is there history of him ignoring you? Do you have a problem with him being on the trip?

The issue is that the OP “just hates being ignored”. I think that’s all anyone needs to know, really, in judging reasonableness.