Is this normal or am I a mug?

[jumpingjaque]

Am I in the wrong?

Parrtner is away for a boys weekend. No issues whatsoever but his niece’s 18th was planned for tonight afterwards.

I went, lovely evening with his family etc. I’ve sent him videos and pics of his niece. Nothing back?

He’s commenting on the family chat but not to me directly?

We are both mid to late 40’s so this is not some sort of childish behaviour.

I’m pissed off that I’ve gone out of my way to sort out childcare for an evening to spend with his family and he cannot even acknowledge me? Is this normal?

Quite possibly! Thank you, we shall see, I’m sure it will be fine and I’m overthinking it but I just hate being ignored x

@Reachedtheend it’s the same as saying ‘girls weekend’… out with ‘the girls’ etc. We are all responsible, professional and married. I think OP has bigger fish to fry than worry about descriptives.

Maybe he is just busy out and having a good time and is looking forward to seeing you to catch up properly face to face.
He has acknowledged the party on the family chat, seem that your messages are about the same thing and he doesn’t need to immediately reply.
Its rude to be messaging people when you are out and to me implies boredom or a lack of interest in who you are out with so I never expect messages or replies from people who are out socialising with others.

If he comes home and makes no effort to see you or ask how things went etc that’s entirely different.

very odd comment.
I have practically pushed my almost 40 year old husband onto a plane for a stag do, and told him I don't want to know what you get up to, no need to call (I know him and his pals and trust them implicitly, they will have got drunk but aren't the sort to be lap dancing etc).
Why on MN do people have to be glued to their phones when away and constantly checking in with home? It's so stifling.

Agree 100%
Some people on Mumsnet seem to have a right bee in their bonnet about referring to Women as girls and men as boys.

I say, who gives a flying fuck!

If us grown women are happy referring to ourselves as girls and our husbands/partners are happy being referred to as men then let bloody sleeping dogs lie. We don’t need to be told we’re doing it wrong by the self righteous among us. We’re happy.

I’d just assume that the replies to the family group chat included me if I was on it. Would be double the work to text about the niece’s party to you and the group chat.

But then my DP texts me lots when he’s away so one evening of this wouldn’t phase me.

If you feel annoyed, it’s probably indicative of bigger problems, or you perceive a lack of interest in you.

What are the messages? Are they important or irrelevant?

But you are also on the group chat so I don't know why you are saying you haven't heard a peep from him? I really wouldn't give this a second thought.

OP, I agree. It seems pointed to leave you on read. If he’s responded to them, he could acknowledge your message too. Do you feel taken for granted? Does he feel resentful that you make him feel guilty about it? An honest conversation might be needed here.

I agree with the second bit of this. You're both out. You know he's alive he knows you're alive. I can't see what you get from texting him unless something has happened which is so terrible or hilarious it can't wait.

Well you might be ok being married to a man who goes on " boys " weekends , and stag dos abroad but I wouldn't be.

I think you are very naive if you think guys who go on these type of stag dos don't include strippers / lap dancers in their trip away - they don't have to go to clubs to enjoy the women. There are strip taxis, strip boat trips, strip meals, strip room service etc A whole industry catering for the type of men who go on these stag dos.
You dont need to tell your H you dont want to know what goes on because he and his pals wouldnt be telling you anyway.
But if you are happy married to a guy who goes on these dos that is your affair. And it 's my right to think that 40 year old men in committed relationships shouldn't be behaving like " boys".

Good greif you have really been with some toads to believe this of all gents. Some men really can have a great ‘boys weekends away’ whilst remaining faithful and their flies firmly zipped. Even on stag parties. Similar to myself next summer when I paint the town red with my ‘mid 40’s married girls’ all of us completely devoted to our lovely lads.

Highly grateful? You went to a family party, not in to battle. If you didn’t want to go, you shouldn’t have. He’s replied to the family chat about the party, that’s adequate. Ok, maybe in an ideal world he should have said ‘Thanks for going to Milly’s birthday, hope you had a good night’. But he’s your DH! Why the need for this formality and politeness? He’s out with his mates! Tomorrow he’ll probably say ‘Cheers for making the effort and going to the party, anyone have any news? How’s Aunty Sheila’s hip? She had the op yet?’

Leave him be, he’s done nothing wrong.

He is rude to not reply, yes, given he is on line, in your place I would be sad and feel like a mug.

This is exactly how I would feel if I made the choice to go it was my choice I dont need specific thanks to go to party

Amen

I'm sure he'll bring you a nice present back from his trip, like some chocolates from the airport, or Chlamydia

You sound very needy, OP.

Other PPs: a "boys' weekend" could be a hike in the woods or a classic car rally or riding around on a heritage railway. Middle-aged men are allowed to have friends and hobbies!

Wouldn’t read anything into it. He’s replied to the family chat which you are included in.

To be frank, given you’ve just come running to MN about the whole thing, he’s probably afraid of getting sucked into a conversation with you that takes up the whole of his weekend away.

If he's replying to others but not you, I might find that annoying, but if everything else is going fine between you, I'd think maybe there's an honest, reasonable explanation. Maybe he felt more obliged to answer their messages, whereas things might be more casual with your long-term partner, because you tend to talk to them a lot more than anyone else. If you've had a disagreement recently and it feels like he's intentionally ignoring you to make a statement, that's entirely different.

However, I don't know if he owes you more attention or appreciation simply because you're meeting up with his family while he's away. Personally, I wouldn't have done that unless I wanted to, just as I wouldn't expect DH to spend time with my family without me unless he genuinely felt like it.

Well aren’t you the perfect little wifey.

I think that he feels as if he has responded to you on the group chat. Or do you think he's having an affair/picking up girls and therefore is not comfortable responding directly to you? And why did you not just text him to say that he's rude not responding?

These are the same people who skim your emails, or only read the first and last sentence, and then send a reply that addresses none of the issues in your message, even though you deliberately wrote it in a way that you thought would make it idiot-proof. 🤬

It is weird OP

Slightly different take.

DH niece, is MY niece? She was born in our case after we were married. The nephew who was not is still OUR nephew.

why is she just his niece.

re the messages it’s impossible to say.

if it’s a case of photos on the group chat, oh lovely. Happy birthday.
Are you really saying you would like exactly that on the same photos you have sent? That makes no sense.

unless there is a back story, clearly you are aunty, you were there, I don’t see why he would thank you for that.

general messaging about life etc, yes absolutely. But the photos. I don’t follow?