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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask my husband to pronounce his th

179 replies

Pumpkinallspice · 27/09/2025 19:10

My husband has always hade an "f" sound for his th's. Mumf for month, teef for teeth etc.

He is highly educated but it sounds terrible. His Dad who brought him up as a single parent uses the sound set so it's a learnt speech pattern.

We have twin 4 year olds who are now making the same speech sounds. Yes I'm a snob. I don't want them growing up with incorrect speech. Honestly I think how you speak affects how people perceive you.

I mentioned it to him and he was upset obviously. It goes without saying I don't want to upset him, but I really don't want the children growing up with the same speech style.

OP posts:
Changingplace · 27/09/2025 19:11

Surely you’ve always known this? You can’t expect someone to change their accent that’s ridiculous.

toomuchfaff · 27/09/2025 19:13

So you expect him to change his learnt speech pattern? YABU

AllTheChaos · 27/09/2025 19:13

Studies have shown that after the age of approximately 11 months, not only can children not learn new phonemes, they stop being able to hear them. So a child who grows up only hearing ‘fff’ rather than the ‘th’ sound, not only won’t be able to pronounce the ‘th’ sound, they won’t be able to hear the difference between that and ‘fff’. By all means encourage your children to use the ‘th’ sound (I happen to agree that it is an important one in terms of pronunciation), but don’t have a go at your husband about it as it’s quite possible that it is something that he cannot help.

PistachioTiramisu · 27/09/2025 19:14

I agree OP, cannot bear to hear people pronounce th as 'f'. Get him out of it. My DH doesn't pronounce H properly, i.e. 'ole'. 'appy', 'I hate it so much.

KnackeredButHere · 27/09/2025 19:14

My DH does it too along with haitch for ‘h’ and a number of other dyslexia-isms, for example, he pronounces yolk phonetically.

I just correct the children 😬

verycloakanddaggers · 27/09/2025 19:14

You are completely out of order. If you had such an issue, you shouldn't have married him.

Making an 'f' sound is a known regional pronunciation, it is heard frequently.

Throwitawayagain · 27/09/2025 19:14

It's not incorrect, it is his accent. No wonder he's upset. You are saying a whole lot about what you think about him and his Dad, and it isn't good.
I'm sure your precious darlings will end up speaking how you want, or close enough.
Suggest you apologise.

DoodleLug · 27/09/2025 19:15

You're not wrong that people will judge you on your accent, although we see a much broader range of acceptable accents ones traditionally associated with poorer (and therefore less well educated) areas have not caught on.

I would want my children to pronounce words correctly. I'd be correcting them and they will learn at school and from peers, assuming you don't live in an area with that accent.

I don't think you can ask your DH to change though. It would be very difficult if not impossible for him.

BrieHugger · 27/09/2025 19:17

I think you leave your husband alone and focus on teaching the kids how to say “th” properly. It’ll be reinforced when they start school and do phonics.

Figcherry · 27/09/2025 19:17

verycloakanddaggers · 27/09/2025 19:14

You are completely out of order. If you had such an issue, you shouldn't have married him.

Making an 'f' sound is a known regional pronunciation, it is heard frequently.

It sounds terrible though.

My French neighbour manages to say thank you correctly and the th sound doesn't exist in France.

Reachedtheend · 27/09/2025 19:17

What part of the country does he come from OP? It's a way of speaking I associate with Cockney but it's probably done in other parts of the country.
I like to hear dialects.
And you must have known that's how he spoke and yet it didn't put you off marrying him.

Panama2 · 27/09/2025 19:18

I grew up in the East End and pronounced th as f.

I don’t now

TheSpiritofDarkandLonelyWater · 27/09/2025 19:18

My boyfriend is highly educated but has the same thing as Jonathon Ross. His Rs are Ws. He also cant say things like needle. He says neegle. Cuddle is cuggle.
A result of his parents not getting him speech therapy as child.

It could be a regional accent thing too. Also nothing wrong with that.

FableLies · 27/09/2025 19:18

I can't pronounce th. I don't think many do from where I grew up. I struggle to hear the difference between th and f when said in some words. Hasn't impacted me at all. Managed to do very well.

I work it a male dominated area and had to battle with being a women, being small, being quiet. Th doesn't even register as an issue.

Throwitawayagain · 27/09/2025 19:19

AllTheChaos · 27/09/2025 19:13

Studies have shown that after the age of approximately 11 months, not only can children not learn new phonemes, they stop being able to hear them. So a child who grows up only hearing ‘fff’ rather than the ‘th’ sound, not only won’t be able to pronounce the ‘th’ sound, they won’t be able to hear the difference between that and ‘fff’. By all means encourage your children to use the ‘th’ sound (I happen to agree that it is an important one in terms of pronunciation), but don’t have a go at your husband about it as it’s quite possible that it is something that he cannot help.

As a Speech Therapist I can confidently say this is bollocks.

English speaking children don't acquire their full phoneme set until about 4.5y. That's why toddler speech sounds so cute.

If people can't learn new phonemes after 11 months how would anyone learn a language with a different and unfamiliar phonological structure?

MumoftwoNC · 27/09/2025 19:19

It's regional and kind of charming. Don't worry, your kids will just have the local accent anyway.

My dh says grass and I say grarse and our kids alternate between them but will ultimately end up with London accent even though neither of us have it. All kids pretty much take on the local accent of where they live, if they live there their whole childhood.

Fieldsandfireflies · 27/09/2025 19:19

Id just keep correcting your children, it may be too late for your husband unfortunately 😅

Original poster
Pumpkinallspice · 27/09/2025 19:20

It's not regional where we are. Its just an education thing.

I absolutely adore his Dad. He did an incredible job of raising my husband and his sister. He comes from a very working class background and era when men didn't raise children alone, yet he did. He's the nicest, kindest man. As is my husband. It's not an intended slight on them.

It's something I just really notice when people speak and I don't want my children judged for it as they grow up.

OP posts:
LoftyRobin · 27/09/2025 19:21

Pumpkinallspice · 27/09/2025 19:20

It's not regional where we are. Its just an education thing.

I absolutely adore his Dad. He did an incredible job of raising my husband and his sister. He comes from a very working class background and era when men didn't raise children alone, yet he did. He's the nicest, kindest man. As is my husband. It's not an intended slight on them.

It's something I just really notice when people speak and I don't want my children judged for it as they grow up.

Edited

Make sure they aren't around horrible people and they won't be.

MumoftwoNC · 27/09/2025 19:22

Pumpkinallspice · 27/09/2025 19:20

It's not regional where we are. Its just an education thing.

I absolutely adore his Dad. He did an incredible job of raising my husband and his sister. He comes from a very working class background and era when men didn't raise children alone, yet he did. He's the nicest, kindest man. As is my husband. It's not an intended slight on them.

It's something I just really notice when people speak and I don't want my children judged for it as they grow up.

Edited

If it's not regional where you are, the kids won't talk like that.

People have the accent of where they grew up, not their father's accent, unless they are the same.

FableLies · 27/09/2025 19:23

Pumpkinallspice · 27/09/2025 19:20

It's not regional where we are. Its just an education thing.

I absolutely adore his Dad. He did an incredible job of raising my husband and his sister. He comes from a very working class background and era when men didn't raise children alone, yet he did. He's the nicest, kindest man. As is my husband. It's not an intended slight on them.

It's something I just really notice when people speak and I don't want my children judged for it as they grow up.

Edited

You don't want people to judge your children, yet you're doing the judging. How about modelling better behaviour? You are the issue.

MumoftwoNC · 27/09/2025 19:23

You see it time and time again. If, for example, someone from Liverpool moves to Cornwall or whatever, and then has kids, the kids have the Cornish accent not Liverpool

(Substitute for any two places)

FigurativelyDying · 27/09/2025 19:24

Just model the way you want the kids to speak. My Mancunian grandson aged 3 asked me for raspberries in his accent yesterday, and then immediately “corrected” himself to my southern accent “raaaaspberries”, as if I might not understand his question otherwise. So cute. But it also shows how very young children are aware that different pronunciations are possible. (And, to be clear, I very much do not want him to speak like me)

SkaneTos · 27/09/2025 19:24

Did you not notice this before you decided to marry him?

Puzzledtoday · 27/09/2025 19:25

It’s his accent not a mistake. Have you always disliked it so much? What does his dad being a single parent have to do with it??