To ask my husband to pronounce his th

[Pumpkinallspice]

My husband has always hade an "f" sound for his th's. Mumf for month, teef for teeth etc.

He is highly educated but it sounds terrible. His Dad who brought him up as a single parent uses the sound set so it's a learnt speech pattern.

We have twin 4 year olds who are now making the same speech sounds. Yes I'm a snob. I don't want them growing up with incorrect speech. Honestly I think how you speak affects how people perceive you.

I mentioned it to him and he was upset obviously. It goes without saying I don't want to upset him, but I really don't want the children growing up with the same speech style.

I’d not want my children unable to pronounce a th sound either. When they learn to write will they spell thank you with an f !?

I’d be getting a speech therapist and getting them to pronounce all their letters. And I’d be correcting them all the time (but not correcting dh as hes an adult and can make his own decisions).

If they wish to subsequently speak with a local accent then they can. Later. But at least they will be able to spell out words correctly to help them write them.

I know a guy with nasal polyps who speaks like his nose is permanently bunged up. His kids now speak like that too but they don’t have them. It’s just copying daddy. I mentioned it to the mum but she denied it. I can hear it a mile away but if she’s too stupid to not realise her kids aren't learning to speak properly and sound like they have a clothes peg on their nose what can I do….

These threads are among my least favourite (most hated!) on MN & yet I click on them regardless, hoping people Might Be Better this time.

More than schooling, jobs, size of house, these topics truly truly expose raw & ugly snobbery - about which most of you are proud?! It's nothing to be proud of!

It's classist bullshit, it's just not nice to think of it like that.

No point focusing on your Husband - it is very very hard to change pronunciation in your native language at an older age.

But should be easy enough to help your child pronounce it "th".

Bilingual families (such as mine) have to deal with two languages, and two sets of pronunciation all through our child's life, and it is generally not a problem when one party can't pronounce something, as long as they are not insisting it upon their child.

If your child hears daddy say "f" and mummy say "th" but it is mummy who is making a point that "th" is right and helping encourage that - then your child will copy and learn it, not the "f"

Why do you think that because someone is unable to pronounce a sound, they will be unable to spell it?

Please link to these “studies”. Would love to see their methodology as well as their results. If it were true then no one would ever be able to speak a different language in the native accent, and speech therapy would never work.

There was a contestant on The Traitors this year who did this. She also pronounced th as f. I found it annoying

I do judge people who pronounce th as f. I'm trying really hard no to though but my OH has started doing it which really grinds my goat, having not done it for over 20 years. One of my highly educated friends does it too but I do think it sounds awful

I’m from Dublin so my “th”s come out as either “d” or “t” eg. “Those things” sounds like “Doze tings”. I can make the “th” sound alright but trying to use it in normal speech would be like trying to say one of those tongue twister rhymes like She sells seashells…

The teachers in school used to try to correct us sometimes but it sounded totally wrong and felt unnatural to us.
You won’t get (and shouldn’t ask) an adult to change their speech.

I have sat with my five year old doing her phonics homework and explained about correct pronunciation, regional accents and speech problems. She was well able to understand.

As others have said, you can encourage your children to use the “correct” pronunciation, but it is very unreasonable to expect your husband to change the way he speaks (if he even could).

Whatever your opinion, the fact is that RP is considered the 'correct' way of speaking in this country. The whole point is that it has NO accent at all - it involves enunciating clearly, not missing off word endings or 'tt' in he middle of a word. I'm sure none of you watch Pointless, but it has been so pleasant to see Angela Rippon co-presenting this week - she speaks so clearly and precisely - not like a number of TV presenters who mumble and mis-pronounce.

RP has no accent? RP is an accent.

It doesn't enunciate clearly though. For example "pawn" and "porn" sound identical in RP.

It’s thankfully been a long time since RP was considered the ideal (saying that as an RP speaker myself)

I wouldn’t have married him - it would have been enough to put me off completely.

However, it’s too late for you.

A ) what do you mean RP has no accent?! RP is an extremely easily identified and specific accent.
b) RP is characterised by non-rhoticism ie R is not pronounced so why is this “correct” but pronouncing a T with a glottal stop is not?
c) it is precisely the attitude that RP is “correct” that I and others are challenging - that is a value judgement rooted in classism.

for what it’s worth I find RP speakers from the south of England much easier to mishear than eg a northern English type of accent - the intonation is so flat and so many of the words sounds identical to me - pour paw poor etc.

I don't think it's classist at all.
You can have a really strong regional accent and a working class upbringing and still manage to speak like an adult.

"Mumf" and "teef" is childspeak and like OP I'd want my OH to drop that nonsense.

OP, I'm laughing at you eating the Welsh coast and putting it in the mix! I would teach by example and your child will tend to pick up from you how to pronounce the letter formations. You could also arrange elocution lessons if necessary. Singing lessons or joining a choir if the child is musically inclined might be an idea as well. There may also be drama groups or similar opportunities where you live. Worth exploring to see if any of these might be of interest.

Oh get over yourself - there are a lot of people who replace th with f as an affectation and it sounds awful, pretentious and stupid. I was not born in any of the groups you mention. But can say th.

Maybe just work on teaching your children to use th instead of f.
If he is the only person around them saying f, and you're actively teaching them th as well then odds are they'll say th.

I wouldn’t like it but then I wouldn’t have married someone who spoke like that. You married him and chose to have children with him and would therefore be totally unreasonable to expect him to change now.

My husband also does this and he has a PHD 🤣 he can’t even understand or hear the difference 🤷🏽‍♀️ I have just accepted it, he’s not going to change now!

It's true that people judge accents, but maybe not to the extent that you fear. Most intelligent people are interested in the content, not the delivery.

If it really bothers you, make sure you pronounce that TH, and read a lot to your children.

It's a bit mean to tackle your H on this. I doubt he could change his speech at this point in his life even if he wanted to.

Concentrate on what I hope are his many good points as a husband and father, and try to get past this difficulty of yours.

So can I. Doesn't mean I'm smarter than somebody who doesn't or can't say it, though.

Not entirely certain that you understand the word 'pretentious', however, as it doesn't tend to impress anybody or imply that the pronunciation is more important. It could be applied legitimately to somebody insisting that their use of the th sound was better and anybody who doesn't use it is awful and stupid, though.

Can you imagine if your kids spoke like King Charles though?😂

You seem to have overlooked the fact that your DC will learn the pronunciation of words from you too. When my DD was pronouncing words incorrectly, I repeated them (correctly) and the mispronounciations disappeared as she got older. Eg 'Appfool' - 'You're really enjoying your apple, aren't you?' Your DC will pick up language from many different sources. Your control is limited! No wonder your DH is upset.

I'd have to disown them

it can take children upto age seven to use TH sounds. So it’s completely typical for a child of 4 to say F instead of TH eg bath said as baf.

as stated above it is also an accent variation and we certainly dont view it as a speech defect in most parts of the country.

i say this as a speech therapist