To ask my husband to pronounce his th

[Pumpkinallspice]

My husband has always hade an "f" sound for his th's. Mumf for month, teef for teeth etc.

He is highly educated but it sounds terrible. His Dad who brought him up as a single parent uses the sound set so it's a learnt speech pattern.

We have twin 4 year olds who are now making the same speech sounds. Yes I'm a snob. I don't want them growing up with incorrect speech. Honestly I think how you speak affects how people perceive you.

I mentioned it to him and he was upset obviously. It goes without saying I don't want to upset him, but I really don't want the children growing up with the same speech style.

I guess people may think it snobby, but I hate this. It is particularly jarring when the accent is otherwise moderated by education - it starts to sound like an affectation. There is a BBC journalist I had to stop listening to a podcast by because it irritated me so much. I would be mortified if children were learning this.

Wow!!! I can't tell the difference between th and fff and i always wondered why.

Speech therapy and all sorts later and i still can't say th

I can reassure you OP your kids speech will be fine. My DH can't say th either, it doesn't bother me that he can't. Both of my children can say their th sound no problem.

I can’t stand this. I work with people who say free instead of three etc it drives me insane

might be a bit of a stretch for him to speak differently after so long but I wonder if he would encourage the children to sound their words simply by encouraging them to say it like you?

I grew up in the East End/Essex borders, and I make a conscious effort to pronounce my th’s and not drop my h’s. It’s important to me as where I live is often sneered about, people are snobby sadly! I don’t think you’re being unreasonable but I wouldn’t force it too much.

I didn't realise until I was in my early 20s that there was a difference between f and th. I didn't hear it in myself or in others.
Once the difference was explained to me, I worked on it, and now I get it right about 90% of the time.
Sometimes I go too far and say thingers instead of fingers.

Then take it up with the makers of the documentary about the studies! It was fascinating, children stopped responding after 11 months. And no I don’t have a link, watched it a few years ago but remembered as Dd was learning to speak and I was very interested at that time

As you can see from this map it is a normal accent variant in Gloucestershire
https://www.ourdialects.uk/maps/thin-fin/
Not an error. Not wrong. Not in need of fixing.
If you want to tinker with your kids' accents - fine. But pretty weird to be married to someone whose speech you find so unacceptable you'd want him to change it as an adult. How would his Dad feel hearing that? Or is Grandad to be kept at arms length/told yo "speak better"?

Seriously urge you to do some self examination here.

Sounds interesting and also like you may be misunderstanding/incorrectly recalling the specifics.
As a poster describing her French friend acquiring "th" in adulthood illustrates.

I can't pronounce th I have tried and tried but, I just can't do it. I am very self-conscious about it, but it is never going to happen. I have spent many years trying.

I started to become really self-conscious about it after reading another MN thread, where people were making harsh judgments towards those who could not pronounce it.

I used to pronounce my 'th' as 'f' and wasn't aware of it until I left home and went to uni. Nobody had ever said anything to me before. It was a comment from a flatmate and then later, work colleagues that made me conscious of it. I struggle to actually hear the difference between the sounds to be honest.

I trained myself when my eldest DD was a baby so that she didn't copy me. It still takes a bit effort for me sometimes and she's nearly 10.

This is true. DH has sloppy speech which has got so much worse as he's got older, f for th, dropping Hs, mumbling his words together.

I speak more Southern but I can be a bit cockney at times.

But my children have the cut glass accent of where we live, they sound incredibly posh (except when DS is taking like a YouTuber bruh).

The accent they are surrounded by is generally more impactful especially if you are working to teach them the proper sounds.

That would drive me potty OP!

My child’s father drops the ‘h’ on the word ‘house’ and I can’t bear it, especially in front of our child. We aren’t together and he generally makes me see red 24/7 but his poor pronunciation of words tips me over the edge.

It’s not his accent, he just seems to be getting more and more chavvy as time goes by. I have tried correcting him but gave up. I don’t remember him being like it when we were together!

Try and change your Th's to F's for the day and see how you find it. I don't think it's unreasonable to want him to make the effort but it is unreasonable to expect it, changing the way you have spoken all your life is not easy!

It’s not incorrect. It’s a different accent. And snobbishness is a greater issue not to pass onto your children.

You sound petty and nit-picking.
My mother is like this, one of the reasons she's now completely on her own in another country.

I understand your point. However, we joke that my children are tri-lingual; because at school they have a Gloucestershire accent (The Forest) and then at home, they speak 'properly' and then when we visit my family, they have another strong accent. I also have this strong regional accent.

I absolutely know, from personal experience, that people do judge strong rural accents. When I was younger, I had managers telling me they thought I was thick because of my accent and then were surprised when I wasn't! No-one in my family taught me the 'correct' way to speak- which led to me saying things to my boss like 'I Ant got to that yet.'

So in an ideal world, it wouldn't matter. But it does. However, I don't think it's fair to get your husband to change- you can just gently teach your children. I wanted my children to know the correct way to speak and if they didn't choose to use it, that's fine. They naturally picked up the accent from school but they absolutely do know how to pronounce words correctly as well. It feels like giving them options. I also think that sometimes, it's almost impossible to 'hear' your own accent unless you are really trying to think about it.

However, I have worked hard to ensure I've always been positive about the local accent- of course, I have a strong accent as well. When I go to my home county, they get the giggles at how broad it becomes.

It's bollocks. No one taught me the difference until my best friend asked me ages about 7 or 8 why I didn't say Th. She managed to explain how to form the sound and by the end of one sleepover with her, I had it cracked.

So it is a regional thing.

This. It's easier to learn something when you've heard it repeatedly during your childhood obviously. I was 9 when I heard English for the first time (when school started teaching it in my home country) Our English teacher pronounced "three" as "tree" but it didn't stop me from becoming fluent and correctly pronounciate all sounds. You can't hear an accent when I speak. Sadly you do hear an accent when I speak Italian or French (well, I don't but they keep asking me where I'm from so..😅).

So your husband succeeded despite sounding so terribly common? Maybe it doesn’t matter at all.

What is it with you English folk and class obsession? Take the United States, you can't tell where someone is from socially just by listening to their accent or how they pronounce certain words.🤷‍♀️

Goodness, OP, why did you marry this awful man and not find one who would physically abuse you and your children instead ? You must have seen the red flag of his speech long before having children with him. 😉

Glass, bath, scone, bottle, teeth, etc. etc. We may notice the difference but we still understand what is being said.

My first (Civil Service) manager in Sheffield was told, after a successful promotion, by a more senior colleague that it would be his last promotion if he didn’t lose his ‘Northern’ accent. He didn’t lose his accent and got promoted over his previously senior colleague. People value quality.

I don’t think you are snobbish, just worrying about a trivial issue. You speak how you want to and let your husband do the same. Your children will pick up both speech patterns and add a side order of Welsh into the mix.

I do this occasionally, would be considered an educated person and in a professional role. I say the th sound instead of f and vice versa. I know when I’ve done it though and will sometimes correct myself. It doesn’t bother me, doesn’t seem to bother anyone around me, people aren’t perfect!