Son's dad powder coated his bike

[latishia6]

Pissed off is an understatement.

My son's dad didn't see him for years due to domestic abuse. He did a domestic abuse perp programme and now has access every other weekend overnight. In the community/hotel not at his house as he lives 3 hours away.

I bought my son a bike. It was £800 custom built and a gift for him completing his racing season and coming second. He's got another season coming up and he was growing out of his old bike.

His dad was taking him to his training last Saturday so I sent the bike with him. Has always been fine in the past.

Son comes home, dad tells me I'll need to pick the bike up in a few days because son wanted it a different colour and he's had it powder coated. Fuming.

Just been to collect it and it's bright green, the handlebars have been sprayed so the grips are now unsafe and moving around, and I'm just so pissed off.

They usually hold their value well as it's a very good brand. All branding has now been removed and it is now unsellable (well, I can't sell it as a branded bike when he grows out of it!). I'm going to have to buy new handlebars as the club chairman has looked at a photo and said they're not safe (don't spray handlebars!).

I actually don't know what to do with myself right now.

Any thoughts on her abusive ex-husband?

powder coating it won't make it unusable nor will painting the handlebars.

Just glue the grips back on - grips are all changable and a service part on all bikes.

If the handlebars are slippy rough them up with some sand paper and put them back on. Its not even a 30 min job.

seems to be a storm in a tea cup.

What is do is fix it to make it roadworthy and take the ex to court if he has the money to pay for it.

but even if not I’d save up to get it properly powder coated with the right stickers from the brand etc (the op will have a receipt).

I appreciate its a cost - potentially for handlebars and a proper powder coat - but all is not lost.

Have as little to do with him as possible.

keep a record of everything

don’t let him take child to training again or have anything expensive that the op has purchased in his custody.

Do you really spend your life being this ridiculously picky - the kid is 8. He’s not going to be the one putting it on Facebook to sell it. Get a fucking grip.

Don’t be so melodramatic. OP said that her son’s had been rendered unusable by her ex’s actions, and that she would need to buy new handlebars to rectify this. I, and others, pointed out that she need not go to that expense. Everything else is between her and her ex, upon which I have made no comment.

She said technically its hers because she bought it. Stop being a dick

First and foremost, get the bike rideable for the wee lad

whether that is handlebars (second hand off eBay if that’s a thing?).

deal with the rest later.

if you can order stickers and powder coat it as she said, she can do that sometime.

but I get why he’s raging. It’s a lot of money. It’s a thing she bought and he’s fucked it up and she’s got to fix it. My ex did similar so many times. It’s infuriating.

But I’m 20 years out and I can see it more dispassionately - in the middle of it I couldn’t (ask me about the multitudes of coats that got “lost” at his house and I had to replace and then when he moved he found them and gave me them back. 10 years later)

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle
The op could have taken the bike to the event herself and either left it there or taken it back herself. Of course she jolly well shouldn't have to! But he's looking to continue to cause her emotional distress. From my experience, the best outcome is to try and work around it, giving him as little amo as possible. He's dysfunctional and constantly looking for a source. Unfortunately, the op has unintentionally given it to him, but i am not for one second saying it's her fault it isn't.
What a total tool that man is!

Stop minimizing.

You night a bike for you son, gave it to me and now you claiming it’s your bike because your ex did something to it that your son wanted

more about the relationship with your ex than the bike

But it's not yours either it was a gift for son. Gifts don't come with conditions or the expectations you'll be able to take it back and sell it.

Honestly it sounds like you and your ex are using your son/bike to settle old scores, it's understandable you don't like ex etc but ultimately using the son like this is a continuation of abusive dynamic that needs to be addressed via therapy or other means completely separate to your son.

You absolutely will be able to sell it as a branded bike, it has a verifiable frame number. He needs to be paying for the handlebars to be sorted, a set of decals and agreement to pay the difference in sale price vs what it what have been if original.

Suggesting a temporary fix is not minimising.

Honestly it sounds like you and your ex are using your son/bike to settle old scores, it's understandable you don't like ex etc but ultimately using the son like this is a continuation of abusive dynamic that needs to be addressed via therapy or other means completely separate to your son.

This sounds like victim blaming. OP is not settling old scores or using the son like an abuse dynamic. This is all on her ex-partner and it’s abundantly clear from her posts that’s she’s struggling with how to approach it because of the abusive aspects and to prevent further impact to her son.

That’s great, she’s definitely aware of your suggestion now, so can focus on the real situation at hand: navigating the difficulties of an abusive ex who is also her child’s father.

I wish I had the courage to try and settle old scores against the man who beat, raped and abused me, but alas I do not. Hence why I am extremely nervous to even say anything to him about it. Thanks all. Going to hide thread for a bit.

Many other posters have already done so. I, and others, have made a practical suggestion about getting the bike roadworthy in short order. That’s the beauty of MN, everyone chips in with their own expertise.

When the boy grows out of it, OP would surely have sold it, recouped a significant chunk of the cost and used that money to buy him a bigger bike. That's why the resale value matters. The ex has effectively thrown away that money that would have been spent on his son. Given his character, it's highly likely he's done that on purpose out of spite.

You don't just throw or give away outgrown bikes when they are high quality.

Quite so JazzHandsFeet, I am gobsmacked at the amount of minimising and absolute determination to find this the OP’s fault somehow or that she is rightly pissed off about it. Did everyone miss the part where this is a man who lost contact and had to do a fucking course in order to have that reinstated (unfortunately)? He absolutely did this as some sort of twisted fuck you to his ex, regardless of how it would impact his son, but it has juuuust enough plausible deniability for him to feign outrage for getting shit for “doing something nice”.

OP, sorry some people are completely failing to see the point of the thread. And I’m sorry you have to deal with this prick for the foreseeable, you’ve had some good advice, I hope the bike can be salvaged, even a little. Protect your peace and have as little to do with him as possible, he would be thrilled if he knew how upset you really are. You sound like a lovely mum 💐

The way I would react depends on why he did it . Do you think it’s a control thing to upset you intentionally?

Some of the replies on this thread are a disgrace. The OP's ex has clearly done this deliberately and the Op is understandably upset about the damage to the bike. She has already said that she is protecting her child from any fallout. I do wonder about the motivation of the posters on here trying to pick holes in her story and find pedantic ways to criticise.

In future op do not send your son to his dads with anything else of value, he’ll just sabotage it. What a shit. I really hope you get the bike sorted good luck

Does DS like the new colour/finish?

Yeah, but it has affected the resale value, voided any warranty etc through modifications and if anything is now faulty in terms of the 'patch-up' tactics of sanding down and so on, there's no way the manufacturer will assist in putting it right.
As opposed to a brand new bike to which standard consumer protection (and usually an amount of goodwill from the manufacturer in the event of any defects) would apply.