Son's dad powder coated his bike

[latishia6]

Pissed off is an understatement.

My son's dad didn't see him for years due to domestic abuse. He did a domestic abuse perp programme and now has access every other weekend overnight. In the community/hotel not at his house as he lives 3 hours away.

I bought my son a bike. It was £800 custom built and a gift for him completing his racing season and coming second. He's got another season coming up and he was growing out of his old bike.

His dad was taking him to his training last Saturday so I sent the bike with him. Has always been fine in the past.

Son comes home, dad tells me I'll need to pick the bike up in a few days because son wanted it a different colour and he's had it powder coated. Fuming.

Just been to collect it and it's bright green, the handlebars have been sprayed so the grips are now unsafe and moving around, and I'm just so pissed off.

They usually hold their value well as it's a very good brand. All branding has now been removed and it is now unsellable (well, I can't sell it as a branded bike when he grows out of it!). I'm going to have to buy new handlebars as the club chairman has looked at a photo and said they're not safe (don't spray handlebars!).

I actually don't know what to do with myself right now.

Ridiculous response.

I haven't read all the responses, only yours, so may have been said but yeah I totally understand why you are upset. He is a narcissist and he is jealous as you are proving yourself to be an absolute wonderful mum who can buy her son not only a great bike but has a hobby through this that enables you to also go out and make friends and have support. He cannot cope with this so he has tried to ruin it the only way he can.

I totally understand this as I had an ex like this too.

Personally I would ignore it and never say a word as any kind of interaction with him will only give him pleasure as that is what he wants. I would chalk it up to experience and never let my son take anything of any value over him again.

However this is only my advice and you do whatever you want to do as YOU are the one in control now of your lives and and he is just a pathetic, fucked up individual who can only now try to get control and pleasure from life by vandalising his own child's bike.

Hugs x

This is the problem with DV perpetrator programmes- they just don't work. His actions about the bike is all about power and control.

Well done OP for supporting your son's interests which he is excelling in. Ignore the haters. Unless you have direct experience of DV, you can really understand this dynamic and how it impacts on every area. In a few years, your son will also come to realise about his dad if he hasn't already and will be able to make his own arrangements to see his dad if he wishes to. Hope you get the bike sorted.

How so? The bike is currently unusable. OP thinks she has to shell out for new handlebars to get it roadworthy again, for her son’s benefit. The good news is, she doesn’t.

Yiur son wanted it doing and wanted it a different colour pick your battles

Hi @latishia6 I’m so sorry this has happened and I also can’t believe how many stupid replies you are getting that are trying to invalidate your response to this. To me, it feels
like he has done this as a continued form
of abuse and power over you.

I know you said you don’t feel able to, but I would consider talking to the police, so that he gets the message that he cannot continue to abuse you or hold power over you and you are not scared to call him out when he tries it. I realise that’s easy for me to say though. Good luck with whatever you do decide to do x

he won’t want his too small bike when he’s grown out of it, any idiot can see that she planned to sell it to fund his next bike!!
so many very unkind and equally dim people on this thread. It’s not the ex’s property, he fucked it up, deliberately it sounds like, and she not only has to pay to fix it but also has lost the resale to buy the next bike since 8yo boys have a tendency to grow. And no she can’t just get him to pay for it, that’s where the abusive ex who resents paying child support part comes in.
op, I’d document it and never ever let him have my sons bike or expensive gear again. Rearrange contact so it excludes races, and add he’s welcome to come along to some but you will be there. He loses here in the long run.

The boy didn't realise that his bike being painted would mean all the one colour no fading from one shade to another and no decals

This has been done out of spite. Under the guise of being a good Dad.

And there's two separate issues they've made the bike unsafe for the boy to ride, which is an issue in an already dangerous sport.
As well as devalueing its resale price.

Really??! OPs son is 8. It's for adults to understand what the right thing to do here is and put in the boundaries and in OPs case it's for the dad to have left the bike well alone. A sensible dad would have said "ok, let's check with mum as she got you the bike". This was another act of undermining OP and an extension of the DV.

100% they are just trying cause upset. They are being needlessly unpleasant.

Oh good, another one. How is my suggestion as to how to get OP’s son back out on his bike, also made by several others, “needlessly unpleasant”?

Why assume when you can just read it? He’s 8.

op, I think you should talk to the police as others recommend. They probably won’t be able to do anything this time but you will be building your protections. I don’t think dv programs work.

Are you a bike expert that you know sanding powder coated handle bars will make them suitably grippy? In a sport like this safety would be my number 1 priority for my 8yo, not someone’s diy home hints.

Yes, I’ve been maintaining and overhauling bikes for years and, yes, I know that sanding them down will make them suitably grippy. In fact, most grips will stick to any handlebar, smooth or rough, and are the very devil to install and remove.

@MemorableTrenchcoat you have no self awareness or empathy.

I guess you’d better say that to the several other PP who echoed my suggestion.

Wasn't going to come back to this thread, but after seeing the bike, my son is devastated. I had warned him that it wouldn't have any stickers, but he thought it would just be the dark green being changed to lime green. He didn't realise it would only have one colour and that the decals (not just branding but all the other little bits) would be gone. He cried for about an hour and is now saying he doesn't want it and just wants his old bike back. I knew this would happen.

Oh the poor wee soul.

can you talk to his club and see if they’ve any ideas?

The poor wee love 😥

It's good that the Club Chair is going to help you with this. I'd get him to write a supporting letter detailing the state of the bike, and how it has been devalued, also get the manufacturer to do the same.

Then I'd take the abusive cunt of an ex to small claims over it. He had no right to destroy property that did not belong to him.

I don’t blame you for not wanting to come back to this thread. There are some real twatty replies on here. Some people just like to be contrary shit stirrers.

You need to tell the ‘Dad’ this and get him to rectify this ! …..tell him how upset your son is and that now he does not want to use the bike

I’m angry just reading this so I can’t imagine how angry you are about this

Thing is, a dad like that won’t care. And court is pointless if he has no money.

So frustrating OP!

I’d pursue the garage. They should have checked for ownership, surely? He could have stolen the bike for all they knew.

Technically he did steal the bike.

Sorry if this has already been said but can you report it to the police as criminal damage/vandalism and claim on insurance? I think I would also contact the manufacturer with your story and see if they can do anything for you.