Son's dad powder coated his bike

[latishia6]

Pissed off is an understatement.

My son's dad didn't see him for years due to domestic abuse. He did a domestic abuse perp programme and now has access every other weekend overnight. In the community/hotel not at his house as he lives 3 hours away.

I bought my son a bike. It was £800 custom built and a gift for him completing his racing season and coming second. He's got another season coming up and he was growing out of his old bike.

His dad was taking him to his training last Saturday so I sent the bike with him. Has always been fine in the past.

Son comes home, dad tells me I'll need to pick the bike up in a few days because son wanted it a different colour and he's had it powder coated. Fuming.

Just been to collect it and it's bright green, the handlebars have been sprayed so the grips are now unsafe and moving around, and I'm just so pissed off.

They usually hold their value well as it's a very good brand. All branding has now been removed and it is now unsellable (well, I can't sell it as a branded bike when he grows out of it!). I'm going to have to buy new handlebars as the club chairman has looked at a photo and said they're not safe (don't spray handlebars!).

I actually don't know what to do with myself right now.

I mean pre-emptively when his father talks to him.

Why would taking him to the small claims court “regret the day he was born” ?!? 😂 It’s not even scary for most people, let alone a domestic abuser!

eta- taking legal action is the only way I can see you describe what you would do apologies if I missed a post claiming you’d petrol bomb his house or something similar which might actually lead him to regret the day he was born

I hear you.

These men are insidious. Don’t let on to him that he got to you. Remember not to send anything important with him again. I’m sure you already know this. But I get it. I really do.

This thread has taken a bizarrely spiteful and aggressive turn. Think everyone needs a weekend break!

It’s not your bike. When someone has been gifted something, it is theirs.

He should replace the handlebars but that’s it.

Astonished at how many dickheads on here are siding with abusive dad who fundamentally changed OP’s property without asking. You people absolutely baffle me.

She bought and paid for it - so that her 8 year old son could use it. So yes, it is her bike as her ex well knows.

That’s what I would do.

get new handlebars and get the stickers. Get it done right and take him to small claims to pay for it.

Having said that, doing that is only worth it if your ex has the money to pay for it otherwise they’ll take it out of his benefits at a pound a week forever.

And an u18 can’t contract (except for necessaries) and I bet the op bought and paid for the bike and the receipt etc is in her possession so technically it is her bike.

Clearly your ex has done this on purpose to control you. He knows full well that he’s wiped out the resale value- that’s why he did it. Abusers have no qualms about using their children to get back at their ex-spouse.

There seems little point in complaining to your ex, because he gets off on your discomfort. I would go to the respray garage owner in the first instance, with your receipts/ paperwork for the bike, and ask what they intend to do about the damage they have caused to your property.

OP.. It sounds like you have helpful experts at your son's club who can appreciate how annoying this is

Your Ex has actually made the bike dangerous with the handlebars and therefore shown himself up to be an idiot who knows nothing about these racing bikes and the other parents will know that.

As annoying and upsetting and intrusive as his actions are his dumb actions will only have a temporary effect and are therefore ineffectual and he will realise that

You are finding solutions to put it right and will soon have things back to normal. You are independent of his nonsense now and can act to remedy things...

I guess what I'm saying its... he will act like an idiot but you are resourceful enough to put it right so what he does in the end does not matter and this will soon be in the past. Your son knows who helps him most with his hobby.

You’re entitled to spend what you like on your child’s hobby without your arsehole ex using it to get one over on you and cause you stress.

No. It’s a gift.

Yes £800 is a lot to lose, but I can't see the point in OP getting further entangled with a man who is vindictive, unhinged, and just looking for excuses to make her life difficult. I would definitely NOT be bothering with the police or the sprayers or Small Claims.

It sounds like you have a supportive bike club OP, and I'd call on them for practical advice on safety and damage limitation to the bike. I'd chalk it up as an expensive learning opportunity for you and your son, who needs to understand from you - as calmly, reasonably and appropriately as possible - how valuable his hobby equipment actually is, and how it fits into the bigger picture of the family finances. Don't blame his dad, that'll just blow back on you. But put as much distance as you can between you and your ex.

"He did a domestic abuse perp programme and now has access every other weekend overnight. In the community/hotel not at his house as he lives 3 hours away."

I don't know how access works after domestic abuse, but this incident seems worth recording in detail, for a time when you might need it OP. Maybe even ask the helpful club chairman to explain in writing the point about the value of the bike being destroyed.

At first I was inclined to put your ex's actions down to a genuine idiotic mistake, but when you said he knows a lot about motorbikes, that made me think again. He'll be aware of what makes a bike of any kind valuable, and how you can trash it, and would have at least checked with you before getting a respray. Hell, even I know that.

So whatever his DV perp programme may have achieved, the effects don't seem to have lasted. Be on your guard and record acts of aggression, 'innocent' wasting of your money etc with dates and detail.

Then you take him back to Court.

F him.

Blimey! I’d never have spent this much on a child!

She’s going to look pretty daft sitting on a bike made for an 8 year old 🤣

You take him to small claims.

You can’t re-sell the bike now as he’s vandalised it.

It doesn't matter whether its a gift to an 8 year old or not. She paid for it and is responsible for insuring it, maintaining and repairing it so that it is safe for her son to ride.

All of which the ex knows.

Your ex didn’t buy the bike. I would be pissed off too. Really pissed off. It has been damaged and you can’t re-sell it for what it’s worth.

Clearly you're not familiar with hyperbole...

You don't need to physically threaten someone to make them regret messing with you.

You just need to be right, and to make them realise that the path of least resistance is to give you what you're asking for.

In this situation you need to make them decide that you going away and never contacting them again and not sending them a letter before action or reporting them to the police for property damage/handling stolen goods and not posting scathing reviews of them all over the internet is worth more than £800 to them.

Yes, this is an important point.

There may come a time when you decide that the small amount of contact he currently has is too much, because domestic abusers don't change their spots. And this evidence will help.

Well, it does.

The dad should have made a more sensible decision but it’s still not OP’s

Ok it might have been a gift but the Op would have put the money she got by selling it on into his next bike.

The only relevant point here is that it's not the dad's.

He shouldn't have made a more sensible decision. He should have made zero decisions whatsoever about someone else's property.