Page 5 | Son's dad powder coated his bike

TwistyTurnip · 26/09/2025 14:09

Bet he did it out of pure spite. I would take him to the small claims court.

Muffsies · 26/09/2025 14:11

He should have asked your permission, no question.

I'd be pissed, but my first concern would be to get the bike race-worthy again, do you really need to buy new handle bars? Surely they can just be sanded back where the grips need to go? Another hack is to spray a bit of hairspray in the new grips, it helps to slip them on, then the glue in the hairspray sets and sticks them on (done this many times on my bikes and never had the grips slip).

As for having a go at your ex, I think you definitely need to have words with him, but also think how your son might feel. Since he asked his dad to re-spray the bike you'll have to be careful he doesn't feel responsible for how pissed off you are.. kids have a habit of absorbing blame for things that aren't their responsibility, so make sure he knows you're not angry with him.

MidnightMusing5 · 26/09/2025 14:15

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/09/2025 13:02

Report your ex to the police for criminal damage.

As much as you want to, don’t do this. (For your sons sake)

small claims court is the way to go.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 26/09/2025 14:16

Muffsies · 26/09/2025 14:11

He should have asked your permission, no question.

I'd be pissed, but my first concern would be to get the bike race-worthy again, do you really need to buy new handle bars? Surely they can just be sanded back where the grips need to go? Another hack is to spray a bit of hairspray in the new grips, it helps to slip them on, then the glue in the hairspray sets and sticks them on (done this many times on my bikes and never had the grips slip).

As for having a go at your ex, I think you definitely need to have words with him, but also think how your son might feel. Since he asked his dad to re-spray the bike you'll have to be careful he doesn't feel responsible for how pissed off you are.. kids have a habit of absorbing blame for things that aren't their responsibility, so make sure he knows you're not angry with him.

That was my advice and, as you can see, it was not well-received.

TheGrimSmile · 26/09/2025 14:19

TwistyTurnip · 26/09/2025 14:09

Bet he did it out of pure spite. I would take him to the small claims court.

And how will that make the son feel? As adults we should be able to prioritise our children's wellbeing. Conflict between parents is very traumatising for children.

MikeRafone · 26/09/2025 14:19

I feel your pain...

ffs

can you access any grants local to you?

I needed a track bike and managed to get one through a shop on loan - it helped me considerably, kept it in the house for the entire time and the shop had the bike back after 18months

Everyonceinawhile · 26/09/2025 14:22

latishia6 · 26/09/2025 12:55

Pissed off is an understatement.

My son's dad didn't see him for years due to domestic abuse. He did a domestic abuse perp programme and now has access every other weekend overnight. In the community/hotel not at his house as he lives 3 hours away.

I bought my son a bike. It was £800 custom built and a gift for him completing his racing season and coming second. He's got another season coming up and he was growing out of his old bike.

His dad was taking him to his training last Saturday so I sent the bike with him. Has always been fine in the past.

Son comes home, dad tells me I'll need to pick the bike up in a few days because son wanted it a different colour and he's had it powder coated. Fuming.

Just been to collect it and it's bright green, the handlebars have been sprayed so the grips are now unsafe and moving around, and I'm just so pissed off.

They usually hold their value well as it's a very good brand. All branding has now been removed and it is now unsellable (well, I can't sell it as a branded bike when he grows out of it!). I'm going to have to buy new handlebars as the club chairman has looked at a photo and said they're not safe (don't spray handlebars!).

I actually don't know what to do with myself right now.

What does your son think of it and what age is he?

DiscoBeat · 26/09/2025 14:23

If your son is delighted with it then I'd just get the ex to pay for new handlebars and get the stickers and lacquer done professionally (at his cost).

Piknik · 26/09/2025 14:23

OP. I am with you.
I know about BMX and I know about domestic abuse.

Speak to the chairman as he has offered to help and take it from there. Bite your tongue with your ex until you understand whether it's fixable. If it is, and there is a cost, do not hesitate to pass this on. You are doing the right thing not being cross with your DS. He was obviously trying to please his dad whose motives we don't know for sure.

In the meantime, perhaps a carefully worded text to the ex.

Hi XXX
I'm not sure if you are aware that we try to keep DS bikes as authentic as possible for resale purposes. The respray you did has proved problematic on this front as well as compromising the handlebar which will probably have to be replaced now. I know DS told you that he wanted it lime green, but I wish you would have checked with me first because there will now be costs incurred in rectifying it to a raceable state, and we certainly won't recoup as much when he outgrows it. I'll keep you posted on the costs.

BufferingAgain · 26/09/2025 14:23

Ugh they are quite clever these abusers … another way to control, just about on the side of plausible deniability and doing something nice for the son. I feel your pain 😫

TickingKey46 · 26/09/2025 14:24

I think the truth is, there is nothing you can do about it! No point, he wont give you the money back, taking him to the small claim court will only result in more friction and your son being in the middle of it!
I think the rule here is not to allow expensive items to go with him, when he sees his father.
Its probably a game to him, my ex husband used to do the same, deliberately ruin the kids items, Or just keep them for the fun of it. Problem is the poor child/s get stuck in the middle of it. The only thing you can do is only send him with old items, not send him with anything unnecessary and certainly not send him with a lovely bike. This is all sbout control on his side, dont give him the means to do it.

Original poster

latishia6 · 26/09/2025 14:24

Everyonceinawhile · 26/09/2025 14:22

What does your son think of it and what age is he?

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He's 8. He's not massively fussed but he doesn't like that it's just totally plain. Said he thought it would still have the stickers. School run time now so can't respond to everyone but going to take a break from this to calm down a little 😅

OP posts:

MikeRafone · 26/09/2025 14:24

Everyonceinawhile · 26/09/2025 14:22

What does your son think of it and what age is he?

Show quote history

ops son is 8

he is stuck in the middle, will try and please both mum and dad

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 26/09/2025 14:26

TickingKey46 · 26/09/2025 14:24

I think the truth is, there is nothing you can do about it! No point, he wont give you the money back, taking him to the small claim court will only result in more friction and your son being in the middle of it!
I think the rule here is not to allow expensive items to go with him, when he sees his father.
Its probably a game to him, my ex husband used to do the same, deliberately ruin the kids items, Or just keep them for the fun of it. Problem is the poor child/s get stuck in the middle of it. The only thing you can do is only send him with old items, not send him with anything unnecessary and certainly not send him with a lovely bike. This is all sbout control on his side, dont give him the means to do it.

< this >

MikeRafone · 26/09/2025 14:27

TickingKey46 · 26/09/2025 14:24

I think the truth is, there is nothing you can do about it! No point, he wont give you the money back, taking him to the small claim court will only result in more friction and your son being in the middle of it!
I think the rule here is not to allow expensive items to go with him, when he sees his father.
Its probably a game to him, my ex husband used to do the same, deliberately ruin the kids items, Or just keep them for the fun of it. Problem is the poor child/s get stuck in the middle of it. The only thing you can do is only send him with old items, not send him with anything unnecessary and certainly not send him with a lovely bike. This is all sbout control on his side, dont give him the means to do it.

If dad is taking him training or to a race - he can't not turn up with the bike to race on - its not as easy as not letting the other parent not have the decent stuff unfortunately

Everyonceinawhile · 26/09/2025 14:27

latishia6 · 26/09/2025 14:24

He's 8. He's not massively fussed but he doesn't like that it's just totally plain. Said he thought it would still have the stickers. School run time now so can't respond to everyone but going to take a break from this to calm down a little 😅

Show quote history

Can you contact the company to buy more stickers, show them the receipt for the bike and explain what happened, if you contact the right person and write a carefully worded e-mail maybe they could send you some, ( possibly a small fee) they are only stickers after all so surely they shouldn’t have an issue with that

Nospoonreq · 26/09/2025 14:31

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/09/2025 13:49

Why? The car paint place has damaged the OP's property. Why shouldn't they pay up?

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I mean you’re not seriously asking that are you? 🤞

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/09/2025 14:32

MikeRafone · 26/09/2025 14:27

If dad is taking him training or to a race - he can't not turn up with the bike to race on - its not as easy as not letting the other parent not have the decent stuff unfortunately

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So this has to be the last time his dad gets to take him to training or to a race.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/09/2025 14:33

Nospoonreq · 26/09/2025 14:31

I mean you’re not seriously asking that are you? 🤞

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I don't know why you find this so hard to believe.

I am a lawyer and you'd better believe that if I were in the OP's position I'd make them cough up.

You damage someone's property, you pay. Why is this so difficult to understand?

Not that it would be likely to get to the small claims court because I'd make them regret the day they were born long before it got to that stage.

Bambamhoohoo · 26/09/2025 14:34

Small claims court isn’t free. It does vary by size of claim but I am Going through a £3k case now which has cost £750ish in court fees.

its also tbh, not a great system to make a claim like this from. It’s not judge Judy. I don’t think it will really work.

Bambamhoohoo · 26/09/2025 14:35

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/09/2025 14:33

I don't know why you find this so hard to believe.

I am a lawyer and you'd better believe that if I were in the OP's position I'd make them cough up.

You damage someone's property, you pay. Why is this so difficult to understand?

Not that it would be likely to get to the small claims court because I'd make them regret the day they were born long before it got to that stage.

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How? Would you beat him up?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/09/2025 14:36

Bambamhoohoo · 26/09/2025 14:35

How? Would you beat him up?

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No, if you read the thread I've already explained how I would handle it.

Auroraofthedawn · 26/09/2025 14:36

The Reddit incels are out in force on this thread again I see 🥱 Ignore them OP, they think they’re being edgy, it’s pathetic the lengths abusers will go to to defend other men being dicks. Threaten the garage with small claims court, they have clearly done a shit job and have no idea what they are doing.

44PumpLane · 26/09/2025 14:38

OP I've only read your posts but I would be furious as well.

It's quite obvious that your son's father has only done this to put his mark on the bike that you purchased your son, and so what if you purchased your son an £800 bike at the age of 8? You made an informed choice about what you could afford and probably took the resale value of the bike into account.

Might be worth a quick conversation with a community officer and see if they think there is anything that can be done, or filing a small claim. But what you've learned now is unfortunately you cant let him have access to anything if value that you've bought for your son. ☹️

ifIwerenotanandroid · 26/09/2025 14:39

My son's dad didn't see him for years due to domestic abuse. He did a domestic abuse perp programme and now has access every other weekend overnight.

Isn't manipulating your son & damaging the bike (& thus hurting you emotionally & financially) abuse? Can you get his access withdrawn?