To be fed up of crappy dinners?

[WoIsMe]

My DH likes to make dinner in the evening which should be great since I don’t have to cook, however the food is either poorly prepared or not big enough portions. The children and I are getting fed up. DH and I do low carb and intermittent fasting, we don’t eat dessert, and our children are both in puberty so they need more calories at the moment. DH and I only eat twice a day so we all need pretty big meals. So far this week we’ve had…

Monday: Chicken Caesar salad - actually very nice but mostly lettuce (no croutons for DH and I) so it wasn’t filling.
Tuesday: pork chop (seasoned with salt, pepper and garlic purée ) with braised white cabbage. The pork chop was plain and tasteless; the cabbage was nice but I can’t eat half a plate of cabbage - it’s too much fibre.
Wednesday: steak tagliata - again very nice but it was just one small rump steak and cherry tomatoes so not very filling again.
Thursday: chicken tikka curry made with 900g chicken between four of us and no vegetables in the recipe so, again, a small portion.

I was triggered to make this post by finding out he’s bought a 500g pork fillet to make a stir fry tonight for all four of us. I’m sure there will be some veg in there but I’ve had scrambled eggs with cheese for brunch so there’s no way that will be enough food for a whole day. I don’t want to go on a diet but I don’t have much choice! I don’t mind cooking and I’ve suggested that we take turns but DH insists on doing it almost every day.

AIBU and I should be grateful that my DH wants to cook dinner every day?
AINBU because my children and I deserve enough food?

Surely this is easily solved with a quick chat, “Thanks for doing the cooking, could you just increase the portion sizes so that we are all satisfied after a meal please, whatever amount you were going to cook add 50%”.

I do most of the cooking for our house and am always happy for someone to point these things out. My husband has a much bigger appetite than me & he has previously said he could do with more for next time and I’ve never been offended, I’m glad he’s told me so I could then do that next time.

500g pork for a stir fry for four (with vegetables and rice/noodles) sounds fine to me. And 900g chicken between four sounds like loads. You're getting half a pound of meat each!

But anyway, have you told him you'd like him to put more food out? What did he say? I don't see why it has to be a negotiation, just tell him - DH, make more food, or I'll make it myself!

One steak between how many, 4? That's crazy. He really needs to up the portion sizes.

shes doing low carb, so this is without rice or noodles

Ok. I didn't realise low carb meant no carb.

Sounds like a daft idea if she's hungry though 😆

Just tell him to cook more, I am not sure why that would be a hard thing to do tbh

If you're doing low carb and IF, then you need meals with a much much larger portion of vegetables. I don't think 900g chicken between 4 is unreasonable and 500g for a stir fry is low, but not crazy. But in our house, when I do Chicken tacos for eample, I'll do about 500g chicken breasts for three people. But I'm also serviing it on tacos, then adding avocado, and a large salsa-style salad (tomato, corn, onions etc), cheese, some sort of mayo/dressing and probably some pickles. Similalry, when I make a stir fry, the pile of veg that I slice to add to the meat is huge AND I serve it on rice or noodles.

I also don't know why even if you're having low carb, the children are as well? That makes no sense and is very unhealthy - children need carbs.

I'd be tossing a bag of noodles in to cook to have with mine, or telling him up front that the food isn't sufficient.

Agreed. It doesn't sound like you've actually spoke to him about the issue?

500g of pork for 4 people is enough, teenagers or not.

I have commented but he doesn’t take criticism well and tends to ignore it. I know the next time he makes pork chops he will season them with salt, pepper and garlic as well even though I suggested he put some dried herbs on.

This sounds like enough food per meal (maybe not the 1 steak for four people) . Do you need to add in more healthy snacks? 900g of chicken for 4 people is loads!

Yes it is fine if you’re eating three meals a day and maybe having dessert too. The kids aren’t great on eating vegetables though and one isn’t keen on rice so they will definitely be hungry afterwards. I don’t eat rice so I would have extra veggies in the stir fry instead.

I think the meat portions you speak of sound plenty. I guess you might be craving protein. Especially If you don't eat many carbs.

Can't you just have protein shakes, bars, or some deli meat, cottage or regular cheese, quark with nuts etc as snacks? Or buy a rotisserie chicken to tear into at random!

I mean definitely tell him the portions are too small but also take responsibility for your own hunger and eat plenty throughout the day.

the bland food is a separate issue.

It's interesting to me that you don't feel you can insist on changes or that you will do some of the cooking. To be fair, if DH suddenly anounced he hated my cooking and wanted to do it going forward, I suspect I'd take that quite badly, but then, DH is a terrible cook and we'd be eating chicken nuggets with boiled veg and pasta/pesto every night.

As the main cook, I do often take feedback on board according to preferences and lifestyles. DS and DH both do a lot of exercise so I cook insane volumes of food. DS also likes to eat food that is quite strongly flavoured and with the exception of the odd steak, he doesn't like anything that has too high a ratio of meat to it. DH doesn't like food that is too high fat. I can and do accomodate these preferences as much as I can.

This, like so many issues, can be solved by telling him what him what you need

He doesn’t take it on board. I suspect that he was neglected as a child because his mum has chronic depression and his dad didn’t do “women’s work” so he grew up with very basic food and not enough of it. It doesn’t seem to bother him to go hungry. He will make the children something like a ham sandwich with no butter - just bread and ham - and then get annoyed at them when they don’t want to eat it when he’s gone to the effort of making it.

You need more fat for satiety if you’re doing low carb. Drizzle and cook with more olive oil, add cream to stuff, have avocado, nuts and seeds sprinkled on top of stuff.
Put it on the table and just add to your plate.
Or just tell him and if he gets the hump just tell to stop being such a pathetic baby.

The key bit of that comment was just tell him - DH, make more food, or I'll make it myself!

Why are you being so weirdly passive about this? You’re an adult woman with agency.

He can cook his own dinners, and you cook for you and the kids.

It sounds like you need to work together to come up with a set of meal plans that everyone is happy with, and contains enough food for everyone. The children should be having a portion of carbs alongside.

None of that is complicated, but it does need some decent communication without people getting cross with each other.

Could you work through the meals so far this week and list what you would increase or add to each meal, and why, and use that as a starting point to talk it through with DH?

Also, can you cook for a couple of the nights? He doesn't get to insist on always doing it, when you can agree the days that you want to.

Again, why are you accepting this?

I eat low carb as I have insulin resistance. The children have carbs: croutons with the salad, rice with the curry, garlic bread with the steak etc. I love vegetables and would happily fill up on them. Sometimes I make up to five different vegetables to go with a roast dinner to make up for no roasties or Yorkshire pudding! But just a plain pork chop and cabbage makes for a pretty depressing dinner!

Let him make whatever he wants, you could also make some side dishes to go alongside. If he moans tell him he doesn't have to eat them. On the IF, I also do this, I eat at midday but then about 3pm i have lots of chopped fruit with a large tablespoon of Greek yoghurt, then dinner at 7. Im still fasting 16 hours.

Yes, I agree. I'd be having a pork chop, some kind of sauce, cabbage, then something red or yellow because otherwise it all looks a bit bland on the plate - so perhaps some buttered carrots or my current favourit yellow courgettes!

Ditto your steak example, DS and I had steak a few weeks ago when fussy DD was out. we had it with a kale salad, a tomato salad and some ciabatta. was lovely!

He just doesn’t take feedback on board. I don’t know whether he dismisses it as moaning or whether he can’t deal with it at all. In the past he has asked me not to criticise him. The children won’t complain to him, they always come to me.