Page 2 | To be fed up of crappy dinners?

Original poster

WoIsMe · 26/09/2025 13:40

MissyB1 · 26/09/2025 13:07

Let him make whatever he wants, you could also make some side dishes to go alongside. If he moans tell him he doesn't have to eat them. On the IF, I also do this, I eat at midday but then about 3pm i have lots of chopped fruit with a large tablespoon of Greek yoghurt, then dinner at 7. Im still fasting 16 hours.

He can’t have anyone in the kitchen with him when he’s cooking so that would be out of the question.

OP posts:

IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland · 26/09/2025 13:41

Crikey. It's OK if he wants to starve himself but growing children should not be going hungry on meagre portions. I cook 2 whole large chickens between 4 of us as my stepsons have/need large portions, and neither are remotely overweight.

When I'm dieting I don't inflict my choices on to the family. I often cook a separate meal for myself and one for my DH and the boys.

You will have to cook yourself if he is incapable of providing an adequate meal.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 26/09/2025 13:42

My dad cooks like this. We eat before we go over and when the kids go over for sleepovers they take fruit, extra breakfast etc.
You can't change people... but you can pack biscuits.

IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland · 26/09/2025 13:43

WoIsMe · 26/09/2025 13:40

He can’t have anyone in the kitchen with him when he’s cooking so that would be out of the question.

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It strikes me you are scared of your husband.

INeedAnotherName · 26/09/2025 13:43

He will make the children something like a ham sandwich with no butter - just bread and ham - and then get annoyed at them when they don’t want to eat it when he’s gone to the effort of making it.

That's a controlling, manipulative abusive situation staring you right in the face. He's shutting them down so they won't have a voice. I'm assuming he's been treating you the same over the years and now you can't even speak up about asking for more food 😯

You need to look at your whole relationship, are you ever allowed to disagree or say no without him kicking off?

IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland · 26/09/2025 13:45

INeedAnotherName · 26/09/2025 13:43

He will make the children something like a ham sandwich with no butter - just bread and ham - and then get annoyed at them when they don’t want to eat it when he’s gone to the effort of making it.

That's a controlling, manipulative abusive situation staring you right in the face. He's shutting them down so they won't have a voice. I'm assuming he's been treating you the same over the years and now you can't even speak up about asking for more food 😯

You need to look at your whole relationship, are you ever allowed to disagree or say no without him kicking off?

Agreed! This thread reads dreadfully actually.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 26/09/2025 13:46

IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland · 26/09/2025 13:43

It strikes me you are scared of your husband.

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Yes, it seems that way, doesn’t it?

Sharptonguedwoman · 26/09/2025 13:46

WoIsMe · 26/09/2025 13:02

He doesn’t take it on board. I suspect that he was neglected as a child because his mum has chronic depression and his dad didn’t do “women’s work” so he grew up with very basic food and not enough of it. It doesn’t seem to bother him to go hungry. He will make the children something like a ham sandwich with no butter - just bread and ham - and then get annoyed at them when they don’t want to eat it when he’s gone to the effort of making it.

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Don't the kids tell your DH that they are hungry and then raid the bread/biscuits?

dontmalbeconme · 26/09/2025 13:51

The meat portion sizes sound fine, and the meals themselves sound tasty enough, but you and dh really need more than one veg on the side if you're not eating carbs. The meals with carbs added seem ok for the kids.

If you really can't just have a discussion with your DH about it, then why don't you knock up some veggie soups to have as a starter to fill you up a bit.

takealettermsjones · 26/09/2025 13:51

This is getting worse as it goes on...

@OP, genuine question, what are you looking for from this thread? It seemed like a simple issue at first but the added details (not being allowed to criticise, not being allowed in the kitchen with him, having to feign gratitude, the kids not raising things with him directly) make it sound like there could be some control issues here. Do you think that sounds accurate?

2catsandhappy · 26/09/2025 13:56

Gousto or similar recipe box?
Teach the kids to cook one night a week? You explain portion sizes.
Fruit bowl and yogurts while you negotiate the change to more filling meals?
Side plate of buttered wholemeal bread?

You do need to speak up for your dc Your dh has poor recollections of eating as a child and the dc are not complaining to him. Perhaps, in his head, they are wee toddlers still.

coxesorangepippin · 26/09/2025 13:56

God the pork sounds terrible

Sorry.

I know it's difficult, you'll have to tell him to up the portions or let you cook.

softstone · 26/09/2025 14:04

You haven't got a food problem, you've got a DH problem. You need to discuss the situation calmly and if he sulks or kicks off then you just ignore it. Or divorce him. Which is what I would do as I can't stand chippy people.

Original poster

WoIsMe · 26/09/2025 14:41

takealettermsjones · 26/09/2025 13:51

This is getting worse as it goes on...

@OP, genuine question, what are you looking for from this thread? It seemed like a simple issue at first but the added details (not being allowed to criticise, not being allowed in the kitchen with him, having to feign gratitude, the kids not raising things with him directly) make it sound like there could be some control issues here. Do you think that sounds accurate?

I did wonder about it being controlling behaviour. Why does he insist on cooking all the time? I can cook and I tend to make different things to him so we would have a lot more variety as well as sharing the load. The not being able to tolerate anyone in the kitchen is just plain annoying. I have two adult children that are away at university and the three of us will happily all be in the kitchen together making different things at the same time and chatting. To me, that’s normal, to DH that’s intolerable!

OP posts:

wellinever12 · 26/09/2025 14:45

WoIsMe · 26/09/2025 12:39

My DH likes to make dinner in the evening which should be great since I don’t have to cook, however the food is either poorly prepared or not big enough portions. The children and I are getting fed up. DH and I do low carb and intermittent fasting, we don’t eat dessert, and our children are both in puberty so they need more calories at the moment. DH and I only eat twice a day so we all need pretty big meals. So far this week we’ve had…

Monday: Chicken Caesar salad - actually very nice but mostly lettuce (no croutons for DH and I) so it wasn’t filling.
Tuesday: pork chop (seasoned with salt, pepper and garlic purée ) with braised white cabbage. The pork chop was plain and tasteless; the cabbage was nice but I can’t eat half a plate of cabbage - it’s too much fibre.
Wednesday: steak tagliata - again very nice but it was just one small rump steak and cherry tomatoes so not very filling again.
Thursday: chicken tikka curry made with 900g chicken between four of us and no vegetables in the recipe so, again, a small portion.

I was triggered to make this post by finding out he’s bought a 500g pork fillet to make a stir fry tonight for all four of us. I’m sure there will be some veg in there but I’ve had scrambled eggs with cheese for brunch so there’s no way that will be enough food for a whole day. I don’t want to go on a diet but I don’t have much choice! I don’t mind cooking and I’ve suggested that we take turns but DH insists on doing it almost every day.

AIBU and I should be grateful that my DH wants to cook dinner every day?
AINBU because my children and I deserve enough food?

It’s great that your DH cooks for the family every night (does he have a choice in that?), but if the meals aren’t working for you or the kids, maybe it would help to take turns or plan the meals together.

That way he isn’t carrying the whole responsibility, and you get more say in portion sizes and variety. He’s not a chef, just doing his best, so sharing the load might make things less frustrating for both of you.

Obviously I don’t know your full dynamic — like who shops, budgets, or plans the meals — but if he’s doing most of it, it might be worth stepping in a bit more yourself. Cooking together or alternating could be a good compromise, and it might even make things more enjoyable.

mickandrorty · 26/09/2025 14:45

There is no secret 3rd option we can tell you! You either carry on having boring shit dinners and the kids are hungry or your husband gets a grip, listens to what he is being told & makes the appropriate changes instead of sulking like a child about it.

JadziaD · 26/09/2025 15:19

Yup, I think this is a bigger problem than about food. It's about him being controlling and you and your DC feeling like they have no voice. It might be that it is JUST about food, and that is linked to his childhood as you've explained it. Or it could be a symptom of a much bigger problem. But either way, it's entirely unacceptable and you need to be thinking quite seriously about how you are going to manage this. What is this doing to your children? How is the physical health of all of you being impacted?

Bobiverse · 26/09/2025 15:24

Go and have an actual conversation with your husband. Just go now and ask to have a chat and tell him what you’ve said here and ask what we can do to fix this. And tell him him it need to change or you’ll take over making your own dinners for you and the kids while he feeds himself.

If you can’t go and have a conversation or you’re not allowed to cook for yourself, then you shouldn’t be married to this man.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 26/09/2025 15:48

WoIsMe · 26/09/2025 14:41

I did wonder about it being controlling behaviour. Why does he insist on cooking all the time? I can cook and I tend to make different things to him so we would have a lot more variety as well as sharing the load. The not being able to tolerate anyone in the kitchen is just plain annoying. I have two adult children that are away at university and the three of us will happily all be in the kitchen together making different things at the same time and chatting. To me, that’s normal, to DH that’s intolerable!

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You realise that people who aren’t scared of their husbands would just go in the kitchen anyway and make themselves food?

And that people who aren’t in abusive relationships aren’t scared of their husbands?

bigwhitedog · 26/09/2025 15:53

one pork chop and some cabbage surely can't be considered a dinner in anyone's universe.

MissyB1 · 26/09/2025 15:56

ForZanyAquaViewer · 26/09/2025 15:48

You realise that people who aren’t scared of their husbands would just go in the kitchen anyway and make themselves food?

And that people who aren’t in abusive relationships aren’t scared of their husbands?

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I think it comes down to this 👆

Comtesse · 26/09/2025 16:03

INeedAnotherName · 26/09/2025 13:43

He will make the children something like a ham sandwich with no butter - just bread and ham - and then get annoyed at them when they don’t want to eat it when he’s gone to the effort of making it.

That's a controlling, manipulative abusive situation staring you right in the face. He's shutting them down so they won't have a voice. I'm assuming he's been treating you the same over the years and now you can't even speak up about asking for more food 😯

You need to look at your whole relationship, are you ever allowed to disagree or say no without him kicking off?

Yup. This is pretty grim.

There are workarounds - like veggie soup as a starter, cheese for afterwards, always fruit and greek yoghurt available fir dessert.

But the root cause is this man is being very controlling and inappropriately bossy about what everyone in his family can eat.

If you are permanently skint that might be an explanation but on the basis you are not, he is being deeply unreasonable. You are allowed to have a point of view, your kids are allowed to ask for more or have preferences, and you can be in the kitchen at the same time. Maybe it’s all tied up in some childhood issues for him, but I would HATE this.

Parsleysalad · 26/09/2025 16:20

It sounds like you and your DCs are scared of him. I feel really sorry for all of you.

WhiteRosesAndThistles · 26/09/2025 16:32

Would you stand by if he was starving your children or would you confidently do something.

No-one on this thread can really help you, aside from pointing out the obvious- which is either demand more food or take over the cooking (are you scared to do that?)

If I were you I would be ordering a lovely takeaway tonight, definitely for you and the children, he can join in if he wants - do you have access to money?

If he doesn't relinquish control of the food you need to be off like a rocket, his grip will only tighten when all of the children have left home and you are looking forward to a very sad old age if you don't do something now.

Muffinmam · 26/09/2025 16:36

incognitomouse · 26/09/2025 12:53

500g of pork for 4 people is enough, teenagers or not.

500gms is two standard sized meat portions (for two people).

It is insufficient for two adults and two teenagers.

I make two small beef eye fillets that feeds two adults and a five year old. My partner usually eats out at lunch time so has a smaller dinner. I always split a steak as I can’t eat much. That’s probably less than 500gms. But there isn’t a teenager in the house. Teenagers need lots of food and lots of rest.

It’s not enough food for two adults and two teenagers.