To be fed up of crappy dinners?

[WoIsMe]

My DH likes to make dinner in the evening which should be great since I don’t have to cook, however the food is either poorly prepared or not big enough portions. The children and I are getting fed up. DH and I do low carb and intermittent fasting, we don’t eat dessert, and our children are both in puberty so they need more calories at the moment. DH and I only eat twice a day so we all need pretty big meals. So far this week we’ve had…

Monday: Chicken Caesar salad - actually very nice but mostly lettuce (no croutons for DH and I) so it wasn’t filling.
Tuesday: pork chop (seasoned with salt, pepper and garlic purée ) with braised white cabbage. The pork chop was plain and tasteless; the cabbage was nice but I can’t eat half a plate of cabbage - it’s too much fibre.
Wednesday: steak tagliata - again very nice but it was just one small rump steak and cherry tomatoes so not very filling again.
Thursday: chicken tikka curry made with 900g chicken between four of us and no vegetables in the recipe so, again, a small portion.

I was triggered to make this post by finding out he’s bought a 500g pork fillet to make a stir fry tonight for all four of us. I’m sure there will be some veg in there but I’ve had scrambled eggs with cheese for brunch so there’s no way that will be enough food for a whole day. I don’t want to go on a diet but I don’t have much choice! I don’t mind cooking and I’ve suggested that we take turns but DH insists on doing it almost every day.

AIBU and I should be grateful that my DH wants to cook dinner every day?
AINBU because my children and I deserve enough food?

You don’t all have to eat the same surely? Keep some cooked chicken in the fridge to add on top, or some side bits. We have chicken Caesar salad quite often but the salad has Cherry tomatoes, mange tout, cucumber, croutons, the cheese whose name I can’t recall. I serve it with crusty bread and butter. With a curry I have less rice, more chicken but the amount of chicken sounds fine. I serve with vegetables as well though. Or put some wet potato in as well, although that may not fit your dietary needs.

Not really. That should only for the first few weeks while you get used to it. Dieting is fewer calories, but if the food is not high in calories, it doesn't have to mean small portions.

It sounds like he's not bothered about food or interested . Seems to be more of a control thing than anything else and he cooks what fits his needs. You either have to address it with him, cook yourself or share the cooking, put up with it or leave as I imagine this isn't the only thing he is controlling about.

I spoke to him about it last night and he doesn’t seem to really comprehend that other people stay hungry if they don’t get enough food or that they don’t want to eat unpalatable food. I was telling him about food noise and it’s a completely alien concept to him. No wonder he sometimes works through breakfast and lunch. I mentioned that the children might like rice if it was properly cooked and he didn’t realise that rice is supposed to be soft when cooked. He says he needs me to plan out meals in detail because if I put something like sausages and mash on the meal
plan then he will think that means just sausages and mash so he won’t cook any vegetables. To him, curry is meat in sauce with rice and he doesn’t see why anyone would put vegetables in it.

Anyway, I have done the meal planning and shopping for the week so, as recommended by other posters, I have bought some foods for snacking such as olives and cheese and fruit. We had a lovely big steak salad today as “going-out-of-date steak” was half-price in Lidl. I put in salad leaves, peppers, avocados etc. plus garlic flatbread for the kids. Tomorrow, DH is going to make a roast so long as I tell him what vegetables to cook. I don’t really understand why he can’t just choose from what’s in the fridge which is always stuffed with vegetables. Right now in there, there’s butternut squash, celeriac, leeks, courgettes, peppers, tenderstem broccoli and parsnips off the top of my head, so there’s more than enough for a week’s worth of meals, let alone one dinner.

Well it seems like he might be willing to change but you are going to need to scaffold him for a bit until he gets used to it. I think it would be worth it but it can't go on for ever, you'll need to taper off your help after a bit.

I agree.

Why can’t you take over the cooking?

I’ve just seen your update. I hope things improve.

It's just so blah isn't it

You literally have to spell everything out. You might as well just cook the bloody dinner, it'd be quicker!

Why not take it in turns for all of you to cook?
It'd be a useful life skill for your teenagers to try...

When we cook, we use a rule of thumb of 500g meat protein for 4 people, of course with substantial veg/salad or whatnot added in. 900g for 4 people would be stuffing everyone to the gills with meat, which isn’t healthy. If not having carbs as part of the meal we would up the veg/salad, not add more meat!

Why would your kids being dairy intolerant mean no desert ever?

We have just had friends stay with dairy and Gluten free teenagers. It obviously meant I had to look up some things as it’s not normal daily here but it would be at your house. They still had pancakes and waffles, apple and blackberry pie with dairy free ice cream, they helped make chocolate chip cookies and blueberries muffins ( all
with suitable flour or dairy alternatives). They still ate their body weight in dairy free yogurt, avocado and eggs for breakfast and snacks also.

YANBU but surely just talk to him about it and ask him to increase portion sizes and carbs for the kids. I’d be concerned your fasting, small portions and only eating twice a day will very negatively affect your children’s attitude to food.

The younger two have enamel hypoplasia which means we have to strictly restrict sugar and acidic fruits. It’s simpler for us to have a bigger main course and skip dessert.

There have been a lot of comments that meat is unhealthy. The NHS guidance is to limit processed, fatty and red meat. This week has been unusual, especially having steak twice! We normally eat a lot of chicken and fish.

It sounds like you’ve had a productive conversation if he is open to the help youve already given. Don’t get too frustrated at the level of support he’s asked for though. If he grew up poor he may genuinely not know or understand what vegs ‘go’ with a meal - if he didn’t even know cooked rice should be soft….

The issues are that he isn't listening when you suggest changes, and that you are hungry and miserable on low carb.

You don't need to lose weight so stop low carbing!

It takes 5 mins to boil a kettle and cook some egg noodles or soba noodles for you and DC. Keep some pots of fresh herbs and spices, soy and hot sauce, as well as sprinkles like Zataar and Dukkah on the table and add flavour that way. Keep some toasted cashews or peanuts to sprinkle into stir fries as these add calories. Tell teens there's wholemeal bread, nut butters, cheese, fruit, muesli to snack on if they get hungry after dinner.

Not sure what to do about the husband who won't listen, though.

Where are the carbs? I understand you are doing low carb but that shouldn't mean no carb. If he doesn't want them fine but he should still cook them for everyone else. Particularly the kids who need them.Je n Fred some form of bread with the salad and some form of potatoes with the pork chop and steak.

Thing is its a pain if he's not cooking enough food though. Your DC especially need good portions .I would just say look John.i would like to cook more now.and then just do it!.also some nan bread or similar and if he still wants mini portions it's up to him

I would just have a couple of packets of microwaveable rice or quinoa handy! And surely you can have desserts in the house for growing teens, even if you don't wat them? He should be listening to you when you say you're still hungry, but it's lovely that he cooks thoughtful, healthy meals. My husband doesn't go much further than fish fingers in an air fryer!

@WoIsMe - you don’t have to restrict ti that extent. A homemade apple pie with dairy free yogurt or custard occasionally, or homemade pancakes with less sugar and eggs and almond flour added for protein are fine as part of a healthy diet. You can make muffins with little processed sugar if that’s an issue. Eating fruit is fine, it’s just not all day snacking on fruit, but diner followed by a banana and good teeth brushing an hour later will be no problem.

Otherwise lack of nutrition will be a bigger problem with teeth than eating some fruit and cleaning teeth properly afterwards.

It’s excess processed sugar like sweets and sticky lollies that damages more than natural sugar in a banana.

You know you can get an enamel added also to weakened teeth?

Your growing kids need carbs, surely he's not just doing them a steak and tomatoes or whatever with no carb on the side??

Yes they had garlic bread with it. They would always have a carbohydrate side with their main meal.

DH is making dinner and he’s told me that I’m not allowed in the kitchen until he’s finished cooking. That is very odd, right? I was watering the houseplants and I need to walk through the kitchen to go out the back door to get water from the water butt. It’s not like I’m trying to cook anything or make a cup of tea while he’s cooking. I’m literally not allowed in the kitchen in my own house because he’s cooking. I told him that I thought I was odd and he said, “Indulge me.” I don’t think it’s controlling behaviour; he really can’t cope with anyone being in the kitchen at the same time as him.

We've already told you it’s odd. We’ve also told you that it’s odd you just accept it.

I honestly don’t know what else we can say.

Very odd, I've been pootling in the kitchen prepping dinner and DP and the cats have been in and out, the washing machine is in the kitchen so he had to unload that, didn't bother me in the slightest.

I hate the automatic leap to him being ND, it's more likely that he's just an arse.

I might be inclined to indulge him occasionally if he produced Michelin star standard food, but it's quite clear that he can't actually cook well at all.