To make a complaint about a shop assistant?

[Chunkychips23]

DH thinks I should make a complaint about the following, but I think to just let it go:

Took my two children out shopping today and when in Boots needed the age verification from a sales assistant on the self checkout. An older woman (probably closer to 70) came over to help. She immediately started interacting with my 2yr old who just wasn’t interested. She started tickling my 4 month olds tummy which startled him and made him cry. She then stroked his face, which I said no. Then leaned in to kiss his mouth. I put my hand in between her face and his and said “don’t kiss my baby” and pushed her face away. I didn’t mean to, but I just reacted on instinct. Both my kids have just got over a respiratory illness which dragged for the best part of two weeks. I’m sleep deprived and ratty, so reacted in a way I probably normally wouldn’t have.

The sales assistant didn’t acknowledge, apologise or even react, just cracked on.

DH thinks I should make a complaint to the store about it. I personally think, it’s done now, I made it clear that it wasn’t ok to kiss my infant. She looked to be of the age where she’d past retirement so I doubt she’s working there for fun and likely needs that job. I think she just lost herself for a moment and definitely didn’t mean harm by it.

AIBU to make a complaint? I’m on the fence. It’s cold & flu season and just seems basic to me to not kiss strangers kids at all, let alone on the lips! But like I said, I don’t think she was thinking. DH thinks I should as he said she could do it to at really vulnerable infant.

I'd have told the customer to get her face out of my child's face.

Why is her age relevant?

I didn’t actually think people did this either tbh. Strangers have often tried to touch my children, like friendly strokes on the hand etc, but not had anyone actually go as far as to do this. Not even my own mother kisses my children on the lips.

Because it is relevant.

Look, I usually roll my eyes about precious mothers incensed because MIL stroked their baby´s head, but in this instance I am shocked. I am quite laid back BUT, kissing a stranger´s baby on the lips? Who does that? When my daughter was a baby, she was in the pram I was holding on to and I was looking back searching for my husband and when I looked forward again this old lady had her head in the pram and was about to pick up the baby? Waf? Or another lady in the metro leaned forward and stuck a piece of biscuit in her mouth? I mean poking her finger in her mouth to push it in? Baby looked bored and pushed it out with her tongue again. The other lady´s sat around us looked shocked. Pfff this tone deaf people exist, whatever certain pp thinks.

I wouldn’t complain because although it’s clearly very inappropriate, it doesn’t sound like it came from a place of malice or ill intent. It was probably socially acceptable to do this in ‘her day’. You managed the situation, no harm was done.

Agree, I came on to say get a grip, have you nothing better to do etc etc. However this is out of order! Like PP said could you maybe say I don't want to "complain" or get her into any kind of trouble but maybe someone could let her know this isn't okay.

A stranger went to kiss your baby on the mouth, and had to be pushed away? That is seriously weird!

Of course she's unhappy with the interaction! Some random touched her kids and tried to kiss her baby on the mouth!

There are perverts everywhere, age and sex don't mean someone isn't a pervert.

OP, do complain, she needs to be stopped.

And if you’re wrong and she isn’t in fact a pervert but an older, possibly lonely lady…then what? Not saying it’s right but getting her into trouble seems a bit much.

If op is that concerned then she can contact the store but maybe frame it as feedback rather than a complaint.

Why?

Because her age was the main reason I was on the fence about raising a complaint. She was likely a Grandma who just forgot herself for a moment and went into ‘Grandma mode’ As mentioned in my original post, I doubt she’s working past retirement age for the fun of it and I don’t want to risk her job for what was likely a lapse in judgement, but it was a completely inappropriate interaction. So yes, her age was entirely relevant to my post.

How incredibly patronising!

Why is it patronising?

Regardless of what I say/have said, you seem quite keen to jump on what I say.

She could be a LOT younger than you think she is🤷‍♀️😂 She might only be 50 - have you considered that??!? I’ve met a lot of women lately that I’d have put in their late 60’s/70’s and one was only 45!😳😳 never wearing sunscreen and not drinking water etc seemed to be her reason for aging quickly so you jus don’t know!

age isn’t any excuse for behaving like she did either - please report her. Another mum may freeze and feel so awkward that they end up letting their baby be kissed/picked up or whatever due to this constant “be kind” “be nice” mantra we are constantly being fed

I wouldn't even have mentioned her specifically, I would have just fed back the experience on general terms and asked them to send a communication out to all staff about it.

I'm taken aback that anyone still tries to kiss random babies. I find it so weird.

I'm with @CurlewKate on this.

If the shop assistant had been a 30 year old bloke, would you have been OK with him trying to give your child a peck on the lips?

No, of course not. So why are you giving this woman a pass? She acted like a creep, the fact that shes female and older makes absolutely no difference to that.

Statistically it really does make a difference. Come on now.

I didn’t give her a pass. What she did was wildly inappropriate and straight up weird! She was clearly very friendly, non threatening and likely a Grandma herself the way she spoke to my children. Hardly a raging nonce! Just a woman who massively overstepped. The fact she didn’t even acknowledge it all made me think she just lost herself for a moment.

It’s not women’s job to worry about the jobs of people who creep on children.

No one decent would kiss a stranger’s baby on the mouth.

If the woman does have issues, the store will deal with it accordingly with HR.

I find the use of the words creep and pervert disingenuous in this scenario. Because the likelihood is that she was well meaning even if it was still unacceptable.

Sje shouldn't have done that but it seems she did it with no malice, just because she genuinely liked your little.one, or all little ones.

A "feedback letter" or just suggestions to help her not do it again would be a kinder thing to do. You sound as though you're thinking the same. Go with your instinct, no point being unkind to an old lady who was probably carried away and not thinking.

I would definitely complain. Her age is immaterial. Her training should have included how to interact in a professional manner. She massively overstepped the mark. I'd be livid if a stranger touched my child, let alone tried to kiss them. She's crashed through all appropriate boundaries.

I would have asked for the manager there and then. That is inappropriate behaviour. If she is working on that shop floor she should have appropriate training regardless of age.