Do you let your Yr 11 son keep phone overnight in bedroom?

[Wickedwitchofthewest73]

We never have. He's always complied until tonight when he's had a mini strop. Said he's the 'only yr 11 who has to leave his phone downstairs'. I obviously don't believe that but said I take on board his opinion and will think about it. I also said once he's left school and in college that's up to him. At the moment on school nights he has to leave his phone at 10pm. Weekends and school hols he has it. He says he always goes to sleep then around 11.30 - 12 but I have no way of knowing as I'm asleep. Aibu?

I agree with most of what you’ve said - other than the smug part. I don’t allow phones in bedrooms but I’m not smug about it

No I actually meant those who say oh my kids keep their phones in their room because I trust them and they aren't and won't get addicted...it's naive to say the least

He dosent need it at night, they are just a distraction.
Don't buy this everyone else does BS.

Ok, agreed!

If they can't use any apps on it I can't see it's a distraction to be honest.

Not saying that’s the case - but we had the same idea until we realised they can unlock the phone. Downtime is so easy to override ( on iPhones all they have to do is change the time zone ( so no UK time anymore and downtime no longer works)

Nope, we have a no phones in bedroom rule until after GCSEs are over. Before this age all phones are screen locked at 8pm so they have time to wind down from whatever drama is going on before they go to bed. Once they have finished their exams it’s up to them to regulate it, 2 oof my dc are quite good at it, dd2 is not, but is getting better now she is back at school.

No! I find it difficult to regulate myself, so I can’t expect my teens to do so easily. When they are adults they can do as they wish. I deliberately bought an alarm clock so I now leave my phone downstairs at night.

Yes, because he’s shown he can be responsible. Mine is now in Y13, but he has charged his phone on his desk, other side of the room from his bed, since about 15. I checked several times and was satisfied.

It isn't naive at all. It means we have sensible children who understand boundaries and self control. I know for a fact my DD is more addicted to sleep than her phone.

My DD is yr10 and is allowed hers because she uses it as an alarm, but it has parental controls on so is locked at 9pm.
She has asked for them to be taken off but so far we are saying no but giving extra time on the weekends if she asks

Oh I see....so your superior parenting means you have managed to circumvent the psychological and biological effects that smart phones have on us such as dopamine levels.....that's quite something. Do tell us your secrets...the tech bros will be quaking in their boots.

No I’m sure you can’t but like I said, it’s just knowing it’s in the room is a fact that our brains can’t switch off from. I’m going to take my advice from an expert professor rather than someone on mumsnet who doesn’t see an issue.

I remember when home PC’s became a thing and there was a lot of advice about that said always have your pc in a room used by everyone eg kitchen or lounge. This was to protect children. Wish people took the same advice now. My dc were not allowed phones in room at night until they were in lower VI

The only people claiming to be superior parents on here are the ones saying letting children have any devices in their rooms is crap parenting. I'm talking about my child, nobody else's.

My kids just don't go on their phones very often in the first place. When they do it isn't to while away hours on social media - they organise things with their mates, watch things on Netflix when they're travelling, and it's a tool when they are out and about. I think it helps that they're boys and there's not much social penalty for not being on these addictive platforms.

Not quite what’s being said, is it? Just having them in their bedrooms overnight. It’s crap parenting. Crap humaning, really. Sorry you don’t like that being pointed out.

Our teenage daughter did not have her phone overnight until after her GCSE exams. He will be in the minority but he absolutely won’t be the only one.

Ok hun. Sorry only just seen your reply as I was out buying vodka and vapes for my dd.

I'm a lot more laid back in my parenting than some of my friends but DS2 in year 11 has always had to leave his phone downstairs when he goes to bed. I did the same with DS1 until after GCSE exams were over.

DD1 is 17 and we ask that devices be downstairs in the kitchen to charge by 11pm on school nights.

I don't think all kids need this but some certainly do. We tried giving more leeway in grade 11 (now grade 12) but she ended up on her phone or laptop a ridiculous amount and complaining she wasn't sleeping, unhappy in general but failed to acknowledge the connection between that and over phone use.

It is very hard to get restrictions back in place once they are gone so I say keep if you think your child needs it (not all do).

I spent the summer reminding DD1 that we would be going back to the old way come Sept and it is working so far (bit of push back but I think she knows it's helping), happier more rested etc

Obviously once high school is done she can do whatever but for this year restrictions remain.

It won’t help to know anyway, as kids are different. Some more responsible than others.

Nope. Even the sixth former has to out his phone downstairs Sunday to Thursday as 10pm.

Year 10 and Year 12 here. Their phones are in my bedroom overnight.

Start of year 11 was when we started allowing DS phone in room overnight. I check his screen time occasionally and tell him if I ever see he’s on it into the early hours, it will come out again. But ultimately you have to trust them and let them live their lives at some point. The catalyst for me was when DS got his first girlfriend. At that point, I think you have to allow them to take charge of their own communications and show some trust.

I’m a great parent though. Letting my DC learn to regulate their sleep, phone usage and study times was instrumental in their overall development into fully grown adults, which they now are. I did everything for my kids when I felt they were ready for it, right from babyhood until they left home. Mine being able to do something at a differing age to others doesn’t make me, or the other parents, bad. It’s just different. A blanket ‘this is bad parenting’ just shows lack of awareness of individuals.