Do you let your Yr 11 son keep phone overnight in bedroom?

[Wickedwitchofthewest73]

We never have. He's always complied until tonight when he's had a mini strop. Said he's the 'only yr 11 who has to leave his phone downstairs'. I obviously don't believe that but said I take on board his opinion and will think about it. I also said once he's left school and in college that's up to him. At the moment on school nights he has to leave his phone at 10pm. Weekends and school hols he has it. He says he always goes to sleep then around 11.30 - 12 but I have no way of knowing as I'm asleep. Aibu?

Mine weren't allowed phones in their bedrooms till they'd finished GCSEs. The Internet would go off from 11pm-7am anyway, till my youngest was 17. I would have liked to have kept the rule for the good of us all, but my adult children didn't want to. (Yes, I know I pay the bill, control the wifi, but I'm kind, sometimes, and listen to them)

Yes we did...but we had family link which meant it turned off late at night and came back on in the morning. This was because I think it's a problem in GCSE year if they are up all night online.

My Year 12 DD has always been allowed to keep her phone and other devices in her room. She is sensible enough to put it on silent and go to sleep at a decent time. I've never felt the need to control or micromanage her life because I trust her.

Absolutely no way!! I wouldn’t let mine have his phone until he finished his GCSEs this summer. Obviously he Moaned about it, but both my kids now say they are really glad I did it. I stuck by my guns on this and didn’t relent, no matter how much I was nagged, and im really glad that I did. Im absolutely convinced it was the right thing to do.

Absolutely not.

Even when my daughter had her phone with her from c13, all the locks went on by 8pm and din't come on until after school the next day. Time restrictions were also on - max of 90 mins of screen time through to 15 yrs old.

They always winge that no other friend has this restriction and then you find out they do.

I think many parents who let their kids keep their phones in their rooms would be shocked at how long the group WhatsApp and Snapchat messages are going on into the night. There was a story in the news recently about a teacher who confiscated a child’s phone and put it in the drawer over night- the next morning that phone had thousands of messages on it where children had been up all night on their phones. I bet the parents of all those children will say it’s not their child and that their child knows how to self regulate.

No responsible parent allows this.

All 11 hear olds will claim that their friends are allowed to have them, that their friends can all watch 18 rated films, play 18 rated games, drink alcohol and stay out until x o’clock.

Usually this is untrue. In the handful of cases where it is true, those children will grow up to have big problems.

Being a parent means protecting your child.

My auntie gave me a great piece of advice when I had my first baby. She said your kids will always say to you ‘but so-and-so’s mum lets them do it!’ - and that’s irrelevant, don’t fall for it, just because someone else’s parent wants to let their child do something it’s got nothing to do with you. Make your own decisions and stick to them, it doesn’t matter what other parents allow or don’t allow.

I taught for over 30 years and saw how increasingly pupils were dog-tired and falling asleep. Why give him his fone overnight in y11? He doesn't need distractions at this crucial time.

Phones give off Blue Lights too , I was a youth Worker for 20 years ( just gave up last year) and the kids were always tired and were allowed energy drinks to waken them up ) it’s a big no from me

My DS is in year 9. He has screen time limits so he can’t go on his phone past 9.30pm anyway, so it does stay in his bedroom.

I think some children can self-regulate perfectly fine so no need for restrictions (sadly not the case for DS at all)

Not sure how we will navigate screen limits etc as he gets older though 😩

Agree .....my ds had family link so his phone wouldn't turn on at night but when he woke up and saw the group chats some would still be messaging at 3am. Heaven knows how they managed at school the next day?!

It's not about trusting or not trusting your kids. Smart phones and social media are highly addictive....they are designed to be. You wouldn't leave your child alone with any highly addictive substance and say oh I trust them would you?

My DD is nearly 14 and her phone stays out of her bedroom at night, even if she forgets she can't use it past 10pm anyway because we have set a time limit on it. I can't see that changing anytime soon and probably not until after she has finished school, she needs to prioritise sleep and not be doom scrolling until the early hours.

If you carry on you will potentially ruin your relationship. Has he done anything to make you believe he'd stay up all night on the phone?
If not then you're telling him you dont trust him.

Nope.
Phones all (including parents) charged downstairs overnight.
We are in the minority tho, judging from the messages that appear overnight.

Yes, I know it's not my children, one of whom is in college now and the other at uni - and I know that because they weren't addicted to their phones, they don't live through social media, they aren't yapping away on WhatsApp any time of the day. If you think this is so unfathomable then maybe you should be doing more to help your children with their phone use beyond just untethering them from them at night?

I'm a responsible parent. We didn't have any rules like a few other posters, all good kids, did well in exams and doing well
at uni. No huge dramas in the teenage years.

And I know it wasn't mine because when I'd pop in to say goodnight, she would be fast asleep. Although I'm sure the perfect parents on here would say she was pretending so she could go on an all night Snapchat binge once I'd gone to bed.

No wonder young adults can’t cope with life when people treat 16 year olds like babies, removing phones at bedtime etc.

They need to learn self discipline and self regulation.

Nope. None of us have phones in bedrooms. Couldn’t care less what anyone else has, others crap parenting isn’t my concern.

Nope. None of us have phones in bedrooms. Couldn’t care less what anyone else has, others crap parenting isn’t my concern.

The more time they spend off phones the better they'll be at coping with life.

They are designed to get you addicted and find it difficult to turn off.

Do you think it would be sensible to leave a packet of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka in a teens bedroom?

Mine are allowed to have it in their room over night, but it locks from 10pm to 7am

I could leave cigarettes and alcohol in the rooms of my teens all day long and they wouldn't touch it. And they don't have a problem with their phones in the day or night. If I had a pair of Hellions on my hands I would have behaved differently, I suppose.

So anything that isn't parenting your way is crap? Others might think your way is wrong.