Do you let your Yr 11 son keep phone overnight in bedroom?

[Wickedwitchofthewest73]

We never have. He's always complied until tonight when he's had a mini strop. Said he's the 'only yr 11 who has to leave his phone downstairs'. I obviously don't believe that but said I take on board his opinion and will think about it. I also said once he's left school and in college that's up to him. At the moment on school nights he has to leave his phone at 10pm. Weekends and school hols he has it. He says he always goes to sleep then around 11.30 - 12 but I have no way of knowing as I'm asleep. Aibu?

I would take all screens away at that age at bedtime. If not tired they can read a book or write a journal or draw etc. they won't get tired or sleep easily if staring at screen late at night.

My year 9 has his upstairs all night but he has scheduled down time so he can’t use it past 9pm. He charges it in his room and uses it as an alarm

The number of messages overnight is staggering.

I have six kids - the older three are now through uni and the younger ones are 15, 13 and 12 - and whilst more parents now are cautious with phones generally (I was the absolute outlier in the friend group at the time with the eldest not allowing phones overnight) vastly more kids have phones younger and the number of messages overnight is considerably more.

I have a yr10 and yr12 DC. The older one keeps phone in bedroom but they are both connected to family link and their phones go into downtime at bedtime and they can't use them.

I know one daughter shes 33 yrs now messages back while I’m still sending the first message other daughter 31 yr old her phone is laying around and never answers she doesn’t bother with her phone

My stepson is in Yr 11 and he has all of his gadgets. At this age teens should be given the responsibility to regulate their own sleep IMO.

No! Not allowed.

By that age mine had been managing bedtimes and phone use for about 2 years already. I think the less of a big deal you make it the easier it is. Making it a big deal that they will get the phone once in college is unnecessary. In fact they are more likely to suffer sleep disruption if they haven’t been gradually allowed to learn how to manage these things.

I think you’ve confused year 11 (age 15/16) with 11 year olds. Even still, I agree.

So many people say “they use it as an alarm” - alarm clocks still exist.

I think this. Start the good habits before they hit 18.
I’m more bemused by all these adults who have to keep phones downstairs at night otherwise they can’t sleep.

Do you use an alarm clock?

Most people use their phone, I can't really see a problem with that.

I think by year 11 there weren’t any rules. An expectation of consideration and courtesy, but no rules.

You do know the tech companies literally design them to get you addicted and keep you scrolling.

Agree with this.

Yes and so do my teenagers! They have a large selection on the John Lewis website which would indicate it’s far from a niche item.

The problem is that just having your phone in the room is a distraction. I listened to a lecture from a Cambridge University professor about the psychology around just knowing your phone is in the bedroom vs having it downstairs. I’m going to trust he knows what he’s talking about as it’s his job to research this stuff.

Dont have a year 11, but have y10 and y8. Both have their phones in their room to listen to audio books and sleep podcasts.

Does it? Do you model these good habits?

All phones live downstairs, here. No one has their phone in their bedroom (including me and DH)

I will say the smug posts are really grating. This is actually a societal problem...not only for kids/teens but adults too. I know I can struggle with wasting time doom scrolling despite knowing it's a waste of my time. Trying to put blame on individual parents and just telling them to do a better job is nonsense. Parents are battling against huge multinational companies who employ the absolute best brains to keep us on our phones. Then to think we hand these addictive devices to children whose brains are still developing and expect them to self regulate is actually shocking.

So, people are both negligent and smug when their y11 kids aren't addicted to their phones and so don't need to confiscate them in the evening?

Should I have taken them off my kids so that... society doesn't feel bad?

It’s funny because my son was also the only one.

I kept it up for GCSEs but now leave him to it. The house is calmer but not sure if he is tired

I realised i was setting a bad example and now leave my phone downstairs. I sleep better. DS not followed suit

I agree with most of what you’ve said - other than the smug part. I don’t allow phones in bedrooms but I’m not smug about it - I wish the issue didn’t exist.
Those of us who are raising teens today grew up without smartphones. So at least we have had the opportunity to experience life without screen addiction, especially at a time when our brains were still immature. We have developed the skills, maturity and rational thinking abilities to at least try and keep our screen time under control, especially when it comes to getting a good night’s sleep.
So even though I agree that many adults are also addicted to their phones and the real enemy is the companies who make it their mission to keep everyone scrolling, we should at least try and create an environment for our kids where there are boundaries around phone use, especially when their brains are not developed enough to always rationalise this for themselves.

DS is Y10 and has his phone in his room. But it’s locked down after 8.30pm, so he can’t do anything with it, other thank listen to music.

Phone is blocked at 10pm except really boring apps which are always available [eg: clock]. DD can request extra time on specific apps if she is still doing homework as the school uses Google Chrome