Do you let your Yr 11 son keep phone overnight in bedroom?

[Wickedwitchofthewest73]

We never have. He's always complied until tonight when he's had a mini strop. Said he's the 'only yr 11 who has to leave his phone downstairs'. I obviously don't believe that but said I take on board his opinion and will think about it. I also said once he's left school and in college that's up to him. At the moment on school nights he has to leave his phone at 10pm. Weekends and school hols he has it. He says he always goes to sleep then around 11.30 - 12 but I have no way of knowing as I'm asleep. Aibu?

When ours first got phones, they shut down completely between 9pm and 7am so it didn't really matter if they were in their rooms. When that came off at age 15, we didn't specify no phones in rooms but the total shutdown probably helped with self regulation. We've never had a problem so stuck with it.

Mine is 13 now and we still don’t allow it because he has a tendency to watch creepy things and then freak himself out and we all suffer when he then won’t go to sleep for months afterwards. He has his book next to him so if he can’t sleep he can read. He is actually quite mature and accepts this because he knows fine well the type of shite he is drawn to watching at night.

Same here, he charges it in his room as he uses it for an alarm but it shuts off between 9pm-7am anyway.

No

Although I agree about smartphones for pre-teens, once you're heading towards 16 and school leaving age you can't control them forever.

At 16 depended on the child. We trialled it during the holidays. DD2 was the only one allowed as she was the only one that didn't end up playing with her phone until stupid o'clock.

DS1 and DD1 had to leave theirs in the hallway in term time. DD1 didn't grumble too much, DS1 moaned constantly. Now at 25 he still tells his friends "oh my parents have a no phones in bedrooms rule 🙄" when he comes to visit as it gives him an easy excuse to ignore everyone after midnight, and means he's not playing with his phone for hours even though we obviously wouldn't insist an adult with their own business leaves his phone (that he's paying for) outside 😂

We do have an absolute rule of no phones in bedrooms overnight for under 16s. I did used to get "everyone else..." moans but that always fell on its face when friends came for sleepovers and confirmed their parents had the same rules. Several kids were allowed to sleepover here who weren't allowed to have sleepovers elsewhere because of that rule.

No chance your DS is the only one not allowed.

Yes we do, but we make sure it has less than 20 percent battery & take his charger so hes always asleep by 12 latest. Hes happy with this as it gives him some freedom and most of the time is asleep before it dies anyway.

I personally thinking charging phones downstairs overnight is a fire hazard. At least if you have the phone with you have a better chance of realising more quickly. When kids were younger we would charge in our bedroom but from about year 10 I’ve let them have them overnight. There’s no perfect solution to this issue.
Similarly I don’t use tumble dryer / washing machine overnight because of fire risk.

We have a whole house rule of no phones upstairs at bedtime. All go on charge downstairs. Lead by example.

Nope, phone is in my room at night. When we did leave it with him he would stay on it all night and be impossible to wake up. Now everything electrical is taken out of his bedroom (including computer keyboard/xbox controller etc) and he’s fine with that. Although sometimes I think he does read at night (I used to at 15 too).

If he is sleeping why would he need the phone? That is the first question I would ask.

Mine were really good at self regulating, Dh is far more knowledgeable than me and our router allows us to cut individual devices from the wifi. That means we know which IP is for which device. Dh was also the person managing all the phone contracts so could see if they were using data. They were not allowed phones in school either so just in their bags on silent.

I think it is good to take phones off children overnight. They are meant to be sleeping. Waking and checking what time it is because they don't wear a watch or have a clock in their room might lead them to start scrolling. They are children, they have impulse problems.

The Social Dilemma is still on Netflix, worth a watch with your children to show that all the social media platforms know how to keep you on your phone, how to keep you engaged. Teens suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) and it is hard to resist. My DC just blamed me for not having their phone at night but really they were already in bed asleep at 10pm unlike their mates who were online at 2am and sometimes 4am doing stupid streak messages on Snapchat, I know because I had his phone.

Never had any rules for my kids. All did very well in school (top grades) and no problems them getting up in morning / getting enough sleep etc. Depends on the child / situation. I may have imposed some rules if I felt was needed.

No we don’t let our almost 16 and almost 18 year olds have their phones in their rooms overnight. They don’t like it of course but we’ve explained that we’re basing it on expert advice to keep phones out of bedrooms at night. This question is asked a lot on my local parents group and there are always plenty of parents who don’t allow phones in rooms. He’s definitely not the only one, even though “everyone else is allowed” is a teenager’s favourite line.

Mine are 14 and almost 16 and 18 and are not allowed phones in their rooms at all. Phones are addictive and children’s brains are particularly susceptible to this. I wouldn’t ask my child to self regulate at this age with something so addictive so it’s up to me as a parent to provide boundaries. DD will be off to uni next year and I’ll have no control then, I can just hope she learned some good practise.

I never restricted phone access but I was lucky that both of my DC are sensible.

Nope. Phone downstairs to charge. Around 9ish as my year 11 has been struggling to get to sleep so we moved the phone going away a bit earlier. (On nights he’s got explorers or something else going on it’s later.)

We let DD have her phone in her room over night from about year 10. She was always a secret reader anyway (torch under the covers from when she was about 7) so it's not like she'd have been going to sleep any earlier.

I did keep an eye on the router logs though to check she wasn't taking the piss too much, don't think she ever worked out how I was psychic enough to know she was pissing about on tiktok at 2am

No way. Not in GCSE year

The difference with reading a book is that you will naturally drop off to sleep eventually, even with “page-turner” books. Phones and their apps are designed to keep you addicted and scrolling even when you know better.

We have no devices including phones overnight in rooms, even on weekends. Nor do they have TVs/Game consoles in their rooms. That's the rule for Year 9 & Year 11 because why would they need them??
What good can come of it? They have alarms to wake them and digital speakers/player/CD players but even then wouldn't have music on when they're supposed to be sleeping.

They both sleep well, are rested and always have in part I think because we have always had those restrictions in place. They don't even complain.
When they turn phones on again at 7am - it's a mass of beeping from messages that were sent from mates at 2am 3am etc. Always the same handful of kids though, because many MANY of the parents we know enforce the same restrictions around phones in bedrooms overnight.

On school nights my yr11’s phone goes off at 10:30. He has it in his room to use for Spotify and as his alarm, but everything else is shut off. On weekends it goes off at midnight.
he’s campaigning for more time, we’re resisting.

Time limit the apps/all of them you don’t want to be used and be off say 9-7 etc
easily done on iPhones under settings

Yes, I did. It's never been a problem here though so I've never a need to make it one. How long do you intend on managing their phone use?

He is in year 11 so he needs to learn how to manage his own time and sleep schedule, how is he ever going to do that if you just baby him? Let him have his phone and if he stays up all night he’ll feel like shit the next day and that’s his lesson learnt. I’ve got a 17 and an 11 year old and they both have their phones in their rooms for alarms etc and both go to sleep when they feel tired.

Oh, my 11yo doesn't have a phone in his room but I do have to turn his light off before he would choose to sleep or he'd be up all night reading.