Maternity leave-how did you sort bills with partner?

[walkingismedicine]

How did everyone sort mortgage/rent and bills while on maternity leave?

Did you continue to share bills as you did before maternity leave so you used your savings but DP didn’t, did your DP pay more than they did before leave and you less, did you both equally use your savings?

UABU- each party continued to pay the same as before maternity leave
UANBU- DP paid more

Source for these stats?

It never occurred to me to do anything else other than use my SMP to cover my usual bills and my savings for anything extra I wanted. I always earned slightly more than my husband but we were both low earners so I didn’t think he could contribute more anyway.

It was only after my savings ran out, and I had to go back to work 7 months in, did I realise how foolish I’d been and I have a lot of resentment about it now.
This is also a big factor in why I’m refusing to have a second kid and why I’m against pooling money now that I earn a lot more than him.

Yes, but the vast majority don't, and only get SMP!

It’s not a given without knowing set up. That’s my only comment. ‘For years’ especially.

Once I was pregnant, all our money was pooled and became our money. I feel very strongly that once you have a baby together finances should be shared.

Do you know many children who immediately settle into childcare, never have a single sick day, and can look after themselves independently on every inset day, school holiday, training day?

If you’d like to join the real world, or show me where you get these magical children, please feel free!

I wouldn't have had a child if we weren't a full unit, socially and financially.

I continued to pay my half whilst on full pay, when my pay dropped I used my savings for my own personal bills and general money and my partner picked up all our household bills including nursery for DD1 and the joint account was obviously accessible whenever I wanted/needed.

Standard child sickness or school events and holidays does not necessarily equal impact to career. Highly dependent on sector, workplace culture and support level of the child’s other parent.

’Magical children’ are not the determining factor.

You’re really trying to claim that being a parent who has to leave early, take time off at short notice, potentially days on end multiple times a month if you hit D&V a couple of times has no impact whatsoever on your career? Okay no problem😂

By the time we had kids we had pretty much all joint money and a small amount of fun money each. Always equal at all stages.

Exactly the same as before and since. DH earns money and I spend it, along with my money.

It is wild to me that anyone would even suggest otherwise. As if women aren’t already shouldering enough of a share in pregnancy and early years.

We split bills proportionate to our income.

What that looked like changed a few times: I had 2 months on full pay, 4 months on half pay, then DP was on statutory (I went back to work at 6 months and he took 6 months of shared parental leave). Then when statutory ended and he was on nothing I paid 100% of everything, of course.

We both took 6 months hit to our pension contributions so we didn’t do anything about that.

No, I mean exactly what I said – it’s presumptive without knowing OP’s set up. Simple as that.

Please don’t fall into a trap of even thinking 50/50 is normal when you’re not working to look after the child you BOTH have. You either need to split proportionally based on income 75% / 25% of mortgage, bills etc based on the smp you will receive. Or you go 50/50 but you will need to charge him for childcare.

Honestly, I believe marriages / having children all income should be family money not yours and his, so I would see that as an ideal scenario. He should support you whilst you are on maternity leave however long you both decide that to be.

We did a 3rd option of both saving into an account before they were born and using this when full pay reduced for maternity/shared parental leave.

@walkingismedicine whilst every situation is different - it is v unfair for the woman alone to use her savings to pay her “contribution” to expenses if there is a relationship and a joint decision to have a family.

most pp have advocated for all monies pooled. We had a different set up where we worked out what our joint expenses were and then worked out how much we would both earn over the year ahead and used that to work out how much we each contribute towards our joint expenses. Maternity leave for me was the 1st time I earnt less than my DH so this was actually beneficial to me as he was contributing more whilst I earnt less and I had more care free spending. If we had pooled everything, I would have ended up only just about being able to cover the joint expenses and would have had very little left to enjoy my Mat leave. Obviously every situation is different but I say that all to just say that pooled money isn’t the only way to do it.

Ok? I clearly referenced SMP. OP wouldn’t be asking if she got her normal pay, would she?

We put 50/50 into a savings pot to fund my mat leave, and used that pot to pay what would have been ‘my half’ of the rent and bills.
then the statutory mat pay I got each month was my fun money

You see I wouldn’t have liked this… I’d have hated to have to ask for money, even if it was willingly given. We were in the same situation to you when our first was born, we lived abroad and I wasn’t working. We just had a joint account and both spent from that. Just shows that what works for one won’t work for the other!

No I’m misremembering!

We started off splitting everything n proportional to our income. Then it got annoying to work it out so we put everything in one pot. Paid bills, paid into savings, then split what was left down the middle as our personal spends.

But then I am in the unusual position of being a woman who went back to work fairly early, while my male DP took over childcare and went on statutory pay, then nothing.

It never crossed my mind to tell him he had to carry on paying “his” share when his income was reduced because he was looking after our child.

It’s complete madness when men do this to women. They know that they are being ridiculous.

But the crucial thing is that we talked openly and worked all this out prior to even conceiving. We agreed exactly how money and childcare would work, and knew we were a team and on the same page.

We worked out the cost of childcare and considered our working patterns, and made preemptive changes.

We aren’t exactly young parents though at 36 and 41. If I’d had kids younger I’d have been in a crap relationship and way less prepared.

lol I know you’re joking but Believe it or not, it’s not something I’ve plucked out of my backside. Impact on salaries and career progression is regularly discussed at various professional forums and there’s tons of studies.

Try this for example - https://ifs.org.uk/inequality/womens-employment-and-earnings-over-the-family-cycle/

Never mind those that feel they would be earning more/ more progressed (90ish percent by memory). There’s an actual 45% drop in earnings. Thats mental. To then have some men believe their partner should be paying out of savings etc for this sacrifice is unbelievable.

Same as before and after maternity leave - all income is pooled, we cover bills and all family (including child) expenses from that based on the household budget we set together, contribute to both of our pension pots, and then each of us pull an agreed, essentially equal amount out to our individual accounts for out personal (not child, not joint, not household) spending.

The only thing that changed was that my salary in the income pot was swapped out for maternity pay, we did some joint budget trimming to reduce household expenses, and we temporarily pulled an agreed-on amount from joint savings per month rather than adding to it.

We both work equally to support the family we chose to create (whether that's paid work or not) and we set up our finances so that we're equal partners in the family budget and have equal lifestyles.

We always pooled our money & split what was left so always had the same amount of personal money. That didn't change when I was on 3 x mat leave. We just had less fun money each as there was less to go around.

I know each to their own but I genuinely have never understood why a couple so serious about each other that theyve chosen to have a baby but don't pool their money.