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Original poster

Devastated: boy keeps trying to touch DD's private parts

113 replies

DevastatedMama · 24/09/2025 19:35

My DD started Reception this year. She absolutely loves school and was so excited to start. She's been so happy there and thriving already, and I've been so relieved and proud.
Fast forward to today, and while chatting about what new friends she's made, she mentioned this boy is constantly chasing her at play time and tries and touch her private parts, even putting his hands down her pants. She's told him no, but he doesn't stop. I called the school straight away, and they'll talk to the boy and his parents, and will talk to the class about private parts, boundaries etc. starting tomorrow.

I am absolutely devastated though, thinking that for the past few days, that's what has been happening to her while I think she's safe at school, and now the idea of sending her back tomorrow and for years to come makes me feel sick to my core. The most dramatic part of me wants to instantly homeschool her (I know it wouldn't work for me or for her though) or to demand that this boy is put in another class (although as this happens mainly at break time, I'm not sure that'd make a difference).

What can I do to make sure this doesn't happen, ever again? Can I ask the teachers to keep an eye always, and keep him away from her at all times? I know this probably isn't possibel though. Anyone has been through this?
I genuinely feel physically sick and also devastated as she really loves school and no2 has to endure this physically harassment. I'm gutted!

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 25/09/2025 06:48

Allthatshines1992 · 24/09/2025 23:08

Boy needs to be expelled. I'd call police and see what they can do about it. Maybe he is being abused himself and needs rehoming.

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Wow. This is a four-year-old boy you’re talking about, not a dog.

DonnyBurrito · 25/09/2025 07:22

mathanxiety · 25/09/2025 02:07

Oh ffs.

He clearly comes from a home where he has heard of or is aware of people sending dick picks or sexting and tried that language on a classmate.

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What's a dick pick? Is it like a toothpick, or more of an ice pick? 🤔

Original poster
DevastatedMama · 25/09/2025 08:30

Morning! I slept terribly badly, and read all of your answers which are very helpful and supportive, thank you all for taking the time!
I feel really nervous and still queasy (my workplace is going through redundancies and today is a big announcement day, so that doesn't help - also a PP said I could maybe ask for some time off, but I think they might give us the afternoon off after the announcement, or I could ask if I feel it will be well received).

I quickly told my daughter again what she can do if it happens again:

  • push him away
  • tell him no (big girl bark if she feels comfortable to do so, like in Bluey)
  • tell a teacher
  • tell her friends she doesn't want to play with him and to stay with them

I didn't make a big show of it as I'd like her to enjoy school without this looming over her head.

I'll be taking all of your previous advice with me: ask for risk assessment, ask the boy to be supervised at break times, ask to keep them separate in class and lunch, support my daughter (checking in with her, accompanying her to the toilet every time, etc.).

I hope I'm doing the right thing. I talked to a friend of mine whose son did something similar when he was in Reception (he's now in Y4) and her point of view was very interesting to hear. It was from curiosity, she and the school (same school) were on it straight away and it never happened again.

OP posts:
Original poster
DevastatedMama · 25/09/2025 08:34

DonnyBurrito · 25/09/2025 07:22

What's a dick pick? Is it like a toothpick, or more of an ice pick? 🤔

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I think it's "pic" as in picture.

OP posts:
sundaychairtree · 25/09/2025 10:33

Pallisers · 25/09/2025 01:37

I am amazed at the number of posters saying things like "natural curiosity" or normal for reception aged children.

I have reared three children and been a child and this is NOT normal. It really isn't so the OP's child needs to be protected and the child doing this needs to be protected because something is going on here.

I'd be so in all guns blazing on this one.

Well you clearly know better than the expert s who devised the sexualbehaviour traffic light system im view of you having had experience of just 3 children

Pallisers · 25/09/2025 14:13

sundaychairtree · 25/09/2025 10:33

Well you clearly know better than the expert s who devised the sexualbehaviour traffic light system im view of you having had experience of just 3 children

Edited
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So you think a boy chasing a girl repeatedly and trying to put his fingers down her pants repeatedly is within the range of normal do you?

Clangershome · 25/09/2025 21:43

DevastatedMama · 24/09/2025 22:58

This is very, very helpful! Thank you so, so much for taking the time to explain this so clearly. It is also reassuring, I truly appreciate it.

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I actually disagree with this poster. This is not common behaviour. Also work in schools and sen schools and not common at all. Also you are talking very highly of schools and their follow up protocols. You should not give this mum reassurance that may not be met and likely not met by a school. There is no money in schools. Op needs to take care of her girl and not rely on the school.

Coffeetime25 · 26/09/2025 06:47

AllIsWellBecause · 24/09/2025 22:19

Not surprised some will report. The boys family needs a slap on the hand

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and this seems to be a learned behaviour which means this boy could be being abused at home how is a slap gonna help

Coffeetime25 · 26/09/2025 06:50

sundaychairtree · 25/09/2025 10:33

Well you clearly know better than the expert s who devised the sexualbehaviour traffic light system im view of you having had experience of just 3 children

Edited
Show quote history

doesnt sit right with me either surely running this out at first instance is a better way some authorities have a one bruise police why not extend that better to be safe then sorry surely instead of leaving a vulnerable child in an unsafe situation because traffic lights say so

CarlaLemarchant · 26/09/2025 07:02

neverbeenskiing · 24/09/2025 21:44

School safeguarding lead here. This scenario is much more common than people think.

It is not unusual for Reception aged children to be highly curious about bodies and about private parts in particular. Among this age group showing/asking to see others private parts or thinking it's funny to touch another child there is quite common. When this happens, in the first instance we would talk to the children involved individually, to make sure they understand that what happened was not safe and not appropriate. The same day the class teacher would also re-cap Protective Behaviours with the whole class (teaches an ability to recognise when we are not feeling safe, seek help when needed and respect others right to feel safe) which is part of our PSHE curriculum and something we teach all children.

Parents would be spoken to, directed to resources like the NSPCC pants rule etc and asked to re-enforce the "private parts are private" message at home.

The child who had been touched would be directed to a designated person/place to go to if they had any worries or felt unsafe in any way at break times. A TA would be asked to check in with them regularly to make sure they were ok. Seating plans would be rejigged so they did not have to sit near the child in question. Their parents would also be spoken to and I would be encouraging them to contact me directly with any further concerns.

The child would be monitored and if there were repeat incidents of inappropriate touching, despite them having been given very clear messages about it being unsafe and not ok, then that would raise a higher level of concern. We would ensure the child was supervised 1:1 by a member of staff at all times, including at break times and being escorted to and from the toilet, not easy at all as there would be no additional funding, and our staff are already spread very thin, but we would make it work. We would be seeking advice from Children's Services at this point, although in my experience they would not necessarily take any action aside from advising us to do the things listed above, which we would already have done. They would most likely only get involved directly after repeated referrals, if the behaviour escalated in severity, if there were also concerns about the child's behaviour towards siblings at home, or if the child disclosed abuse or was saying things (referencing sexual acts or using explicit language for example) that suggested they were being abused.

Many posters on this thread will make assumptions that any child who inappropriately touches another child must have been sexually abused. This is not necessarily the case, although we absolutely would be vigilant to that possibility. The idea that Children's Services would automatically "look into" this child's home life based on the behaviour described in the OP is not realistic I'm afraid.

My advice OP would be to speak to the DSL at your school and hear them out. If you're not reassured after your conversation then contact Children's Services, you should be able to find the number for your local Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub via a quick Internet search.

Calling the Police is pointless in the scenario described in the OP. They will not even log it because no crime has been commited. They would tell you to speak to your child's school and if you're still concerned, contact Children's Services. They will not get involved.

Edited

Just in relation to your last paragraph. If it was reported to police, it would get recorded and it is a crime. However, it would get filed almost immediately as child is under the age of criminal responsibility. Police would probably just check that a Children’s Services referral had been made and that school were dealing.

Livpool · 26/09/2025 19:01

WTAF - DS is 9 and have never heard anything like this happening. Your poor daughter - school needs to protect her. And the family of the boy need looking into - that is appalling

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