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Original poster

Devastated: boy keeps trying to touch DD's private parts

113 replies

DevastatedMama · 24/09/2025 19:35

My DD started Reception this year. She absolutely loves school and was so excited to start. She's been so happy there and thriving already, and I've been so relieved and proud.
Fast forward to today, and while chatting about what new friends she's made, she mentioned this boy is constantly chasing her at play time and tries and touch her private parts, even putting his hands down her pants. She's told him no, but he doesn't stop. I called the school straight away, and they'll talk to the boy and his parents, and will talk to the class about private parts, boundaries etc. starting tomorrow.

I am absolutely devastated though, thinking that for the past few days, that's what has been happening to her while I think she's safe at school, and now the idea of sending her back tomorrow and for years to come makes me feel sick to my core. The most dramatic part of me wants to instantly homeschool her (I know it wouldn't work for me or for her though) or to demand that this boy is put in another class (although as this happens mainly at break time, I'm not sure that'd make a difference).

What can I do to make sure this doesn't happen, ever again? Can I ask the teachers to keep an eye always, and keep him away from her at all times? I know this probably isn't possibel though. Anyone has been through this?
I genuinely feel physically sick and also devastated as she really loves school and no2 has to endure this physically harassment. I'm gutted!

OP posts:
HonoraCausa · 24/09/2025 21:50

This is deeply disturbing behaviour. You are right to be extremely concerned for your daughter. There is also an issue about the boy’s welfare.

Zippidydoodah · 24/09/2025 21:53

Coffeetime25 · 24/09/2025 20:55

What is that poor child being subjected to at home to think this behavior is ok it obviously a learnt behavior from someone in the home be it mum or dad who knows

Absolutely this. It’s an enormous safeguarding concern for him as well as OP’s daughter. What a sad state of affairs.

sundaychairtree · 24/09/2025 21:53

The school will be all over this and get yhe relevant professionals involved. I am a little surprised yhid is happening st school az it is quite difficult to get a hand inside someone else's pants in a playground situation. If
especially as the little ones are quite closely supervised.

cherryontoppp · 24/09/2025 21:55

DonnyBurrito · 24/09/2025 20:57

This is really horrifying, but I'm confused, how would she have shown him pictures at preschool? He asked her to draw them or something? If so that sounds a bit more sinister, my son of that age only thinks to draw rainbows or houses... or scribbles!

Show quote history

yeah she wouldn’t have been able to show him pictures thank god, but he asked her to take a picture on a phone for him. hence why i was immediately concerned because why on earth would a 4 year old even know what that is! apparently conclusion was that he has 2 teenage siblings and they think he overheard them but i still think it’s horrendous that he’s aware of the concept

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 24/09/2025 21:59

Try and frame it as calmly as you can- it’s a fine line to tread between assuring her you are taking it seriously, and frightening her.

She won’t understand this the way you do so should fairly easily move past it as long as it’s handled calmly and the boy is stopped.

’we need to make sure Freddy knows that he mustn’t ask to look at people’s privates- privates are private!’

ClairDeLaLune · 24/09/2025 21:59

OMG OP that’s horrific. You need to go into the school and ask to speak to the safeguarding lead. I would speak to social services too, I dread to think how that boy has learned that behaviour.

Bedtimeread · 24/09/2025 21:59

This is massive red flag behaviour and school should be referring it to social care.

MrPickles73 · 24/09/2025 22:01

A girl in DC2's year 5 class was offering the boys blow jobs and simulating having sex.. the school didn't really deal with it sufficiently and it carried on for months..

I asked that my son was not asked to partner / sit next to her. She has been abused by her brother and was in care so it was very sad but I didn't feel the school did enough to keep the other children safe.

Eventually they all left primary and went to different secondaries. But there was a complete lack of safeguarding for the other children.. Some of the teachers were unaware of the situation..

Zippidydoodah · 24/09/2025 22:01

neverbeenskiing · 24/09/2025 21:44

School safeguarding lead here. This scenario is much more common than people think.

It is not unusual for Reception aged children to be highly curious about bodies and about private parts in particular. Among this age group showing/asking to see others private parts or thinking it's funny to touch another child there is quite common. When this happens, in the first instance we would talk to the children involved individually, to make sure they understand that what happened was not safe and not appropriate. The same day the class teacher would also re-cap Protective Behaviours with the whole class (teaches an ability to recognise when we are not feeling safe, seek help when needed and respect others right to feel safe) which is part of our PSHE curriculum and something we teach all children.

Parents would be spoken to, directed to resources like the NSPCC pants rule etc and asked to re-enforce the "private parts are private" message at home.

The child who had been touched would be directed to a designated person/place to go to if they had any worries or felt unsafe in any way at break times. A TA would be asked to check in with them regularly to make sure they were ok. Seating plans would be rejigged so they did not have to sit near the child in question. Their parents would also be spoken to and I would be encouraging them to contact me directly with any further concerns.

The child would be monitored and if there were repeat incidents of inappropriate touching, despite them having been given very clear messages about it being unsafe and not ok, then that would raise a higher level of concern. We would ensure the child was supervised 1:1 by a member of staff at all times, including at break times and being escorted to and from the toilet, not easy at all as there would be no additional funding, and our staff are already spread very thin, but we would make it work. We would be seeking advice from Children's Services at this point, although in my experience they would not necessarily take any action aside from advising us to do the things listed above, which we would already have done. They would most likely only get involved directly after repeated referrals, if the behaviour escalated in severity, if there were also concerns about the child's behaviour towards siblings at home, or if the child disclosed abuse or was saying things (referencing sexual acts or using explicit language for example) that suggested they were being abused.

Many posters on this thread will make assumptions that any child who inappropriately touches another child must have been sexually abused. This is not necessarily the case, although we absolutely would be vigilant to that possibility. The idea that Children's Services would automatically "look into" this child's home life based on the behaviour described in the OP is not realistic I'm afraid.

My advice OP would be to speak to the DSL at your school and hear them out. If you're not reassured after your conversation then contact Children's Services, you should be able to find the number for your local Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub via a quick Internet search.

Calling the Police is pointless in the scenario described in the OP. They will not even log it because no crime has been commited. They would tell you to speak to your child's school and if you're still concerned, contact Children's Services. They will not get involved.

Edited

This is a really good response.

ArtichokeAardvark · 24/09/2025 22:02

neverbeenskiing · 24/09/2025 21:44

School safeguarding lead here. This scenario is much more common than people think.

It is not unusual for Reception aged children to be highly curious about bodies and about private parts in particular. Among this age group showing/asking to see others private parts or thinking it's funny to touch another child there is quite common. When this happens, in the first instance we would talk to the children involved individually, to make sure they understand that what happened was not safe and not appropriate. The same day the class teacher would also re-cap Protective Behaviours with the whole class (teaches an ability to recognise when we are not feeling safe, seek help when needed and respect others right to feel safe) which is part of our PSHE curriculum and something we teach all children.

Parents would be spoken to, directed to resources like the NSPCC pants rule etc and asked to re-enforce the "private parts are private" message at home.

The child who had been touched would be directed to a designated person/place to go to if they had any worries or felt unsafe in any way at break times. A TA would be asked to check in with them regularly to make sure they were ok. Seating plans would be rejigged so they did not have to sit near the child in question. Their parents would also be spoken to and I would be encouraging them to contact me directly with any further concerns.

The child would be monitored and if there were repeat incidents of inappropriate touching, despite them having been given very clear messages about it being unsafe and not ok, then that would raise a higher level of concern. We would ensure the child was supervised 1:1 by a member of staff at all times, including at break times and being escorted to and from the toilet, not easy at all as there would be no additional funding, and our staff are already spread very thin, but we would make it work. We would be seeking advice from Children's Services at this point, although in my experience they would not necessarily take any action aside from advising us to do the things listed above, which we would already have done. They would most likely only get involved directly after repeated referrals, if the behaviour escalated in severity, if there were also concerns about the child's behaviour towards siblings at home, or if the child disclosed abuse or was saying things (referencing sexual acts or using explicit language for example) that suggested they were being abused.

Many posters on this thread will make assumptions that any child who inappropriately touches another child must have been sexually abused. This is not necessarily the case, although we absolutely would be vigilant to that possibility. The idea that Children's Services would automatically "look into" this child's home life based on the behaviour described in the OP is not realistic I'm afraid.

My advice OP would be to speak to the DSL at your school and hear them out. If you're not reassured after your conversation then contact Children's Services, you should be able to find the number for your local Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub via a quick Internet search.

Calling the Police is pointless in the scenario described in the OP. They will not even log it because no crime has been commited. They would tell you to speak to your child's school and if you're still concerned, contact Children's Services. They will not get involved.

Edited

This! As much as it's a horrible thing for your daughter to have gone through, the boy in question is Reception aged too. Don't go in guns blazing, you've alerted the school now let them handle it. They will be trained to deal with exactly this sort of situation and more commonly than you expect.

beAsensible1 · 24/09/2025 22:04

I’d honestly be reporting the family to social services.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 24/09/2025 22:04

This is awful. I can see why you’re so upset.

Sugargliderwombat · 24/09/2025 22:05

Hi op, Im a reception teacher and only thing id add is I'd request a formal meeting with the teacher and the safeguarding lead (often a head or assistant head) as a follow up. Not just a chat.

Also, if it's the playground there may be cctv. I'd ask to see that too but Im not sure if theyll let you Im not sure of the rules.

I'd check it has been logged as a safeguarding concern (schools often use a site called cpoms to log these). They probably have but just incase. I worked for a head who didn't used to log stuff!!!

I'm sorry you're experiencing this it's awful.

sundaychairtree · 24/09/2025 22:08

Ok so according to the sexual behaviour traffic light system,, 4 year olds wanting to touch yhe genitals of familiar children the same age falls within the 'green light' ie normal healthy age appropriate curiosity. Talking , explaining and supporting are the recommended course of action.

shuggles · 24/09/2025 22:09

@neverbeenskiing Finally, someone with a brain.

I'm surprised how many mumsnetters seem to have really bad memories. Children have always been curious about other children's private parts. Indeed, there's nothing to suggest that the boy is being sexually abuse.

(And before someone says it, no, I'm not saying the boy's behaviour is acceptable, or that it should be allowed to continue).

usedtobeaylis · 24/09/2025 22:10

Make sure that your daughter is not restricted in the name of safeguarding. Sometimes there's the temptation in schools to put distance between two children and protect one by removing them from situations instead of the other way around. Whatever is happening in the other child's home, they're still the one displaying potentially harmful behaviour. Your daughter's school life should be able to continue as normal.

**Edited a bit because I sounded like a reactionary idiot. Basically just make sure that your daughter isn't limited in being able to play freely with her friends in the playground.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 24/09/2025 22:10

How did this go unnoticed. The children should be heavily supervised in reception.

Daisymae55 · 24/09/2025 22:11

This is absolutely horrific. I saw a thing on sky news the other day about this becoming more common but it’s truly terrifying.

This absolutey needs to be taken more seriously by the school and I hope when you speak to them tomorrow they take appropriate action and let you know exactly what will be done to safeguard your daughter.

Your DD has been amazing by speaking up and you’ve done a wonderful job teaching her to say no.

I want to thank you for sharing this though. It’s made me realise there are conversations I need to have with my own little girl to ensure she can be as brave and strong as your daughter has been should she ever find herself in this situation. It’s heartbreaking and disgusting that it’s something that needs to be considered.

I really hope appropriate action is taken and that your daughter never has to experience this again!

Sugargliderwombat · 24/09/2025 22:12

EmeraldShamrock000 · 24/09/2025 22:10

How did this go unnoticed. The children should be heavily supervised in reception.

The legal ratio is 1:30.

Daisymae55 · 24/09/2025 22:12

usedtobeaylis · 24/09/2025 22:10

Make sure that your daughter is not restricted in the name of safeguarding. Sometimes there's the temptation in schools to put distance between two children and protect one by removing them from situations instead of the other way around. Whatever is happening in the other child's home, they're still the one displaying potentially harmful behaviour. Your daughter's school life should be able to continue as normal.

**Edited a bit because I sounded like a reactionary idiot. Basically just make sure that your daughter isn't limited in being able to play freely with her friends in the playground.

Edited

Absolutely!!! Your child should not be punished by having her school experience restricted because of the actions of another child. But it also doesn’t help to protect the other children

Naanspiration · 24/09/2025 22:12

You should expect this behaviour to end immediately. If it doesn't end then the school has failed in its legal duty to keep your daughter safe.

So if it ever happens again - you should meet with the head of the school and ask them to explain what steps they are going to take to keep your daughter and other girls safe.

This could involve assigning extra staff to watch this boy and prevent him from doing it again. Or it could involve a temporary removal of the boy from the school.

Absolutely do not stand for this behaviour!

You should also contact your local authority safeguarding team and make them aware. I would only do this if you are not satisfied with the schools response initially.

Also, stay calm in front of your daughter and do not let her sense your stress with the situation.

usedtobeaylis · 24/09/2025 22:13

sundaychairtree · 24/09/2025 22:08

Ok so according to the sexual behaviour traffic light system,, 4 year olds wanting to touch yhe genitals of familiar children the same age falls within the 'green light' ie normal healthy age appropriate curiosity. Talking , explaining and supporting are the recommended course of action.

I think there's a difference between healthy curiosity, and a child forcing their hand into the underwear of a other child tbh.

AllIsWellBecause · 24/09/2025 22:15

YelloDaisy · 24/09/2025 19:56

Can she wear some tight stretch shorts under her dress for a while in case it isn’t resolved.

The boy shouldn't touch Wether she has shorts, bikinis, pants, nickers or just nothing under her shirt!!!

AllIsWellBecause · 24/09/2025 22:17

itsgettingweird · 24/09/2025 19:43

I completely understand how you feel.

But be proud of yourself for raising a daughter who stood and said no firmly to the boy - you’ve done a good job and she’s clearly a bright girls with good boundaries.

The sad reality of life is that you cant stop the bad - you can only do what you’ve done and teach how to not accept it.

Edited

Home educated kids don't have to deal with this crap.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 24/09/2025 22:17

Sugargliderwombat · 24/09/2025 22:12

The legal ratio is 1:30.

Show quote history

I get that, it wasn't one incident, he is chasing her down, surely someone should notice on yard duty and definitely notice if it happens in the classroom.

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