Page 4 | Devastated: boy keeps trying to touch DD's private parts

PretendToBeToastWithMe · 24/09/2025 22:18

I’m so sorry this has happened. Absolutely inexcusable that this has happened more than once and the adults meant to be looking after your daughter were not even aware until she reported it!!

If it were me I would not be keeping this in school and I’d be reporting directly to my council’s child protection line. Most councils will have a number you can call or a form you can complete to report and this should all be easy to find online if you search for the name of your council and “child protection.” I would not trust a school that has not even picked up on this issue to put enough in place to protect her. Personally, I’d also be keeping her off school until I was convinced she was safe.

AllIsWellBecause · 24/09/2025 22:19

beAsensible1 · 24/09/2025 22:04

I’d honestly be reporting the family to social services.

Not surprised some will report. The boys family needs a slap on the hand

BigOldBlobsy · 24/09/2025 22:21

OddsReally · 24/09/2025 19:42

This is the statutory guidance that schools and colleges in England must follow.

It will help you to know what the school must do.

Part 5 - Child on Child Sexual Violence and Sexual Harrassment is the relevant section.
https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/68add931969253904d155860/Keeping_children_safe_in_education_from_1_September_2025.pdf

This is important but also to consider that at this age depending on various factors such as : has this child done this to others, their own history, the exploration of the intent behind the behaviour etc…the school (or potentially social care) would need to determine is this harmful sexual behaviour, inappropriate sexual behaviour or actually within the scope of normal childhood sexual development.

Its awful for your DD, school can absolutely work on safe boundaries and do that work 1:1 with him and with the class, and depending on severity they may want to increase the observation of this child. There’s lots of nuance here though and it isn’t as black and white as you might think. there may be risk assessments, there may be social care assessments, there may be 1:1 support put in place.

DD can get support as well from school, she may or may not want it

due to age Police cannot action it so it is more school and social care

It needs exploring properly, as sexual harassment has a sexual motive, children of this age are experiencing sexual development in a different way, so it may be that there isn’t actually a sexual motive but it is learn behaviour or the child has seen something
Not okay regardless but having worked in this area, both children will need supporting to prevent further harm

BookArt55 · 24/09/2025 22:23

Agree with a lot said about DSL and having a meeting.

But on the positive side... your daughter felt strong enough to tell him no repeatedly. And even more importantly she felt confident to speak to you about it. Firstly, what are amazing little one you have, I would be praising her and rewarding her for keeping herself safe and articulating it. How wonderful she has a safe space to do that, especially given the recent big change of starting primary.
Secondly, well done to you. Your daughter knew it wasn't right, trusted her gut, felt safe amd loved to talk to you... you're doing a great job.
Sorry your daughter has had to deal with that. But just wanted to say that I'm so glad she has been able to get help and hasn't suffered in silence.

Flopsy145 · 24/09/2025 22:38

Do you know the boys name? We have a class WhatsApp group and as much as it wouldn't be advised I would be sending a very stern message to the parents if I knew them. And tbh I would bring holy hell down on the school if they didn't immediately ensure he could not touch or be near my child ever again

Imbusytodaysorry · 24/09/2025 22:41

@DevastatedMama Oh I’d be telling the school never to let the child near mine again and they best make sure of that .

Horsie · 24/09/2025 22:42

OP, you have my full sympathies. This sounds horrendous.

I do hope that the boy is going to be suspended for a while. Also hope Social Services will look into it. I'd ring them up and tell them myself, too. I wouldn't trust the wheels to turn.

I'd also tell the police, not because they're going to arrest a four-year-old boy, but because it strongly suggests that the boy is being abused.

And I'd go into the school and raise hell. If the boy isn't excluded, he needs to be kept indoors at break times, so your daughter doesn't have to worry.

Who would ever have thought this sort of thing would happen so young! I'm fuming on your behalf, OP. Older girls and women have to put up with being catcalled and harassed, and apparently four-year-olds have to put up with it too! 🤬

I wonder if you could take advice from a child therapist as to how to restore your daughter's trust in others? I wouldn't be surprised if this has shaken it. And obvs send her to school in trousers if the boy isn't excluded, and sod the rules. 🤬🤬🤬

Eskarina1 · 24/09/2025 22:48

Nestnearlyempty · 24/09/2025 21:01

I experienced something like this when I was young- albeit not in school premises. I know this is sexual harassment but your daughter won’t understand that at her age- and she needs to experience that this and any consequences are not her fault. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to play at the house of someone I thought was my friend and I thought it was all my fault- until years later I realised it wasn’t. And then I started questioning what had been said by whom and about whom at the time.

The good news is she loves school and from what you said this hasn’t traumatised her up to now- so if you and the school work closely together you can ensure her safety and hopefully rebuild your confidence in them, without scaring her.

sendinglots of love- it’s every parents nightmare to send your child
off to school assuming they will be safe and then something like this happens.

I also had a similar experience at a young age, although it was most of the girls being targeted and most of the boys doing it. I agree, I didn't really get it at the time and I'm not traumatised. I was the only girl to say no and the only one to tell my parents. I did feel guilty about the sudden increase in playground monitoring so I agree supporting her to see the consequences are not her fault is important.

Clangershome · 24/09/2025 22:54

Omg this is horrific at this age. The boy has learned this behaviour from somewhere and is replicating. The school is not doing enough. Talking about private parts is not enough. His carers need to be informed and brought into school and the boy needs to be asked questioned himself as he may be being abused himself. This is not normal regular behaviour.

i would totally advise to not send your child back until they have dealt with the situation. Going forward I myself would totally change schools as I couldn’t bare it. I home ed my girls (mine is autistic and school made her dreadfully unhappy). Took her out when she was 5. She has just turned 7. She has lots of home ed friends and we have such a lovely life. I definitely recommend home ed.

do not let this slide from the school point of view. I’m an ex teacher pre kids. School has responsibility here to safeguard your child. They can remove him into another class, separate break times, all sorts. Put him on watch to see if he is doing to others. Do not back down. Good luck. Your girl, your rules! X

Horsie · 24/09/2025 22:54

Mischance · 24/09/2025 21:31

You have told the school. They will be all over this.

I really hope so.

Original poster

DevastatedMama · 24/09/2025 22:58

neverbeenskiing · 24/09/2025 21:44

School safeguarding lead here. This scenario is much more common than people think.

It is not unusual for Reception aged children to be highly curious about bodies and about private parts in particular. Among this age group showing/asking to see others private parts or thinking it's funny to touch another child there is quite common. When this happens, in the first instance we would talk to the children involved individually, to make sure they understand that what happened was not safe and not appropriate. The same day the class teacher would also re-cap Protective Behaviours with the whole class (teaches an ability to recognise when we are not feeling safe, seek help when needed and respect others right to feel safe) which is part of our PSHE curriculum and something we teach all children.

Parents would be spoken to, directed to resources like the NSPCC pants rule etc and asked to re-enforce the "private parts are private" message at home.

The child who had been touched would be directed to a designated person/place to go to if they had any worries or felt unsafe in any way at break times. A TA would be asked to check in with them regularly to make sure they were ok. Seating plans would be rejigged so they did not have to sit near the child in question. Their parents would also be spoken to and I would be encouraging them to contact me directly with any further concerns.

The child would be monitored and if there were repeat incidents of inappropriate touching, despite them having been given very clear messages about it being unsafe and not ok, then that would raise a higher level of concern. We would ensure the child was supervised 1:1 by a member of staff at all times, including at break times and being escorted to and from the toilet, not easy at all as there would be no additional funding, and our staff are already spread very thin, but we would make it work. We would be seeking advice from Children's Services at this point, although in my experience they would not necessarily take any action aside from advising us to do the things listed above, which we would already have done. They would most likely only get involved directly after repeated referrals, if the behaviour escalated in severity, if there were also concerns about the child's behaviour towards siblings at home, or if the child disclosed abuse or was saying things (referencing sexual acts or using explicit language for example) that suggested they were being abused.

Many posters on this thread will make assumptions that any child who inappropriately touches another child must have been sexually abused. This is not necessarily the case, although we absolutely would be vigilant to that possibility. The idea that Children's Services would automatically "look into" this child's home life based on the behaviour described in the OP is not realistic I'm afraid.

My advice OP would be to speak to the DSL at your school and hear them out. If you're not reassured after your conversation then contact Children's Services, you should be able to find the number for your local Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub via a quick Internet search.

Calling the Police is pointless in the scenario described in the OP. They will not even log it because no crime has been commited. They would tell you to speak to your child's school and if you're still concerned, contact Children's Services. They will not get involved.

Edited

This is very, very helpful! Thank you so, so much for taking the time to explain this so clearly. It is also reassuring, I truly appreciate it.

OP posts:

DramaLlamacchiato · 24/09/2025 23:01

Fitzcarraldo353 · 24/09/2025 19:37

Is be talking to the safeguarding lead at the school. It's a safeguarding issue for your DD and I'd want to know how they're protecting her but it's also a massive safeguarding responsibility flag for the boy. The school can't and won't tell you what they do in terms of the boy but I'd want to make sure the safeguarding lead is aware of it.

This

Its awful for your daughter which is clearly your concern, but for a 4 year old to be behaving like this is a huge red flag x

Allthatshines1992 · 24/09/2025 23:08

DevastatedMama · 24/09/2025 19:35

My DD started Reception this year. She absolutely loves school and was so excited to start. She's been so happy there and thriving already, and I've been so relieved and proud.
Fast forward to today, and while chatting about what new friends she's made, she mentioned this boy is constantly chasing her at play time and tries and touch her private parts, even putting his hands down her pants. She's told him no, but he doesn't stop. I called the school straight away, and they'll talk to the boy and his parents, and will talk to the class about private parts, boundaries etc. starting tomorrow.

I am absolutely devastated though, thinking that for the past few days, that's what has been happening to her while I think she's safe at school, and now the idea of sending her back tomorrow and for years to come makes me feel sick to my core. The most dramatic part of me wants to instantly homeschool her (I know it wouldn't work for me or for her though) or to demand that this boy is put in another class (although as this happens mainly at break time, I'm not sure that'd make a difference).

What can I do to make sure this doesn't happen, ever again? Can I ask the teachers to keep an eye always, and keep him away from her at all times? I know this probably isn't possibel though. Anyone has been through this?
I genuinely feel physically sick and also devastated as she really loves school and no2 has to endure this physically harassment. I'm gutted!

Boy needs to be expelled. I'd call police and see what they can do about it. Maybe he is being abused himself and needs rehoming.

Ethina · 24/09/2025 23:14

OP, I’m glad you’re being taken seriously. Definitely stand your ground! We had a similar issue as outlined below, and as the boy had a very sad back story (not involving abuse) the school were very protective of him and it took a serious incident for them to acknowledge the issues he was causing.

One boy kept touching the other boys in my son’s school. It took years for the school to take it seriously as the teachers didn’t observe the behaviour, or when they did it must have looked like play time or roughhousing. It involved touching, pulling down pants, and the like. I know boys can get physical but you could tell this was different as many of the boys found it very difficult to talk to their parents about it. One family only found out after they took their son to a therapist for sleep issues. By the end every family with a son in his class had been to talk to the head teacher about it.

This went on from year 1 or 2 (we weren’t in the same class) until the boy left the school after year 4.

or I should say that he was made to leave. He ended up crossing a red line during a residential trip and things finally came to a head.

madamovaries · 24/09/2025 23:18

Can you speak to the safeguarding lead at the school (as well as the head - I would argue it’s so bad it should go to the top)? I’m so sorry for your daughter - this is just awful.

The teachers need to speak to all the children about their bodies being theirs and other people’s belonging to that person - a very simplified conversation about boundaries and personal privacy essentially. I have a boy the same age as yours daughter and I have spoken to him about this - they can grasp these things, I think.

I would worry where the boy has learnt this too - but that’s a question for school (and maybe social services).

I hope the school can put a stop to this immediately and that your daughter is ok.

PrincessFairyWren · 24/09/2025 23:19

Make up a small card and put it in her pocket so it says something like “I need teacher help” or “I am frightened”. Laminate it if possible. If she is upset at school tell her she can hand this to the yard duty teacher, or any adult employee at the school. That way if she doesn’t have the words or if she is shy she can still advocate for herself. Tell the teacher what you are going and ask them to inform all staff.

Sugargliderwombat · 24/09/2025 23:24

EmeraldShamrock000 · 24/09/2025 22:17

I get that, it wasn't one incident, he is chasing her down, surely someone should notice on yard duty and definitely notice if it happens in the classroom.

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With a ratio of 1:30 at playtime you are generally permanently either doing first aid or talking to children, especially as they've only just started school there's always a few chatting to you or needing help with water bottles / jumpers / hairbands etc. Im only disagreeing with you as I think it'd be pointless for OP to push this aspect and much better off pushing the safeguarding incident and monitoring of the situation moving forwards.

AliceMcK · 24/09/2025 23:28

Tell her you’re speaking to the teachers and asking them to stop the boy playing with her. Then take her into school tomorrow and ask to speak to the HT, DHT or DSL because you want to know what their plan is and how they are going to make dd safe.

Sadly these things happen in most school, however what’s important is how the school handle it and make dd feel safe.

It maybe this boys natural curiosity or it may be more. The school should be contacting the appropriate safeguard leads at the LA and anyone else their procedure requires them to. When I had similar (my dd wasn’t touched though) I made the phone call and just turned up next morning, the DSL & class teacher sat with me talked things though, NB I wasn’t the first parent to make contact about him, they showed me the table they work of for age appropriate curiosity, what’s expected from child and parents what’s a concern etc. in my case there were some lines being blurred on age appropriate curiosity and concerns but not extreme concerns, the parents were extremely apologetic and engaged with the school. The child wasn’t allowed around other children unsupervised which meant sometimes he stay inside on his own at playtimes. I was fully confident the school were doing everything they could. Not that I woulnt have pulled my dd if things had gotten worse. The child has come a long way and still attends the school, I’ve not heard anyone complain about him for a long time.

i hope your dd is ok x

trainboundfornowhere · 24/09/2025 23:54

Sadly OP I have a good idea how your daughter likely feels. It is good that your daughter felt confident enough to tell you. When it happened to me the school spoke to the boy and his parents and it was enough to make it stop. I am 41 now though and even though it was over 35 years ago I have never forgotten it. I hope the school speaking to the boy and his parents and the school talking about boundaries will be enough to make it stop. All you can do is make sure your daughter knows she can continue to tell you anything and ask for the school to keep an extra special eye during playtime.

MumWifeOther · 25/09/2025 00:02

DevastatedMama · 24/09/2025 19:35

My DD started Reception this year. She absolutely loves school and was so excited to start. She's been so happy there and thriving already, and I've been so relieved and proud.
Fast forward to today, and while chatting about what new friends she's made, she mentioned this boy is constantly chasing her at play time and tries and touch her private parts, even putting his hands down her pants. She's told him no, but he doesn't stop. I called the school straight away, and they'll talk to the boy and his parents, and will talk to the class about private parts, boundaries etc. starting tomorrow.

I am absolutely devastated though, thinking that for the past few days, that's what has been happening to her while I think she's safe at school, and now the idea of sending her back tomorrow and for years to come makes me feel sick to my core. The most dramatic part of me wants to instantly homeschool her (I know it wouldn't work for me or for her though) or to demand that this boy is put in another class (although as this happens mainly at break time, I'm not sure that'd make a difference).

What can I do to make sure this doesn't happen, ever again? Can I ask the teachers to keep an eye always, and keep him away from her at all times? I know this probably isn't possibel though. Anyone has been through this?
I genuinely feel physically sick and also devastated as she really loves school and no2 has to endure this physically harassment. I'm gutted!

Do not let this lie. Advocate for your daughter. Go see the headteacher. Get a plan in writing in place as to what’s being done to protect your daughter. This is a safeguarding issue, not just for your daughter but also to the boy, and they need to be asking some serious questions as to where he’s learnt this

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/09/2025 00:46

How awful for your daughter

well done her for telling you and saying no to the boy

major red flags why he thinks this is appropriate behaviour - it’s sexual assault god bless her

teachers all need to know about this boy and watch him carefully at break time and speak to his parents

💐💐 for you both

Pallisers · 25/09/2025 01:37

I am amazed at the number of posters saying things like "natural curiosity" or normal for reception aged children.

I have reared three children and been a child and this is NOT normal. It really isn't so the OP's child needs to be protected and the child doing this needs to be protected because something is going on here.

I'd be so in all guns blazing on this one.

mathanxiety · 25/09/2025 02:07

DonnyBurrito · 24/09/2025 20:57

This is really horrifying, but I'm confused, how would she have shown him pictures at preschool? He asked her to draw them or something? If so that sounds a bit more sinister, my son of that age only thinks to draw rainbows or houses... or scribbles!

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Oh ffs.

He clearly comes from a home where he has heard of or is aware of people sending dick picks or sexting and tried that language on a classmate.

thornbury · 25/09/2025 04:58

You do not need to report to governors, police or social services. Start with the school DSL and let them guide you from there. They will have received extensive training on how to approach this situation and support your daughter and her family.

I'm sorry she has experienced this, it's not ok.

Thulpelly · 25/09/2025 06:20

I work in a school. This is a massive red flag for safeguarding and it would be taken very seriously in my school and hopefully yours.