To think a very high percentage of people are Neuro divergent?

[Marshmallow4545]

I have just spoken to yet another friend who suspects that they may be Neurodivergent. They are not interested in seeking a diagnosis for various reasons but this means they will never be picked up in the statistics. Anecdotally, this isn't unusual amongst my friendship circle and I now suspect that a very large percentage of the population believe they may be ND even if they have no diagnosis and have never seen a professional about this. So out of interest please vote:

YABU: if you think you are Neurotypical
YANBU: if you believe you are Neurodivergent, even if you don't have a diagnosis

Middle aged, well functioning people in good jobs with stable families are clogging up waiting lists as they are curious about being ND, whilst those in desperate need are waiting years. Very frustrating.

I know someone whose daughter has panic attacks around vomit (emetophobia) and those are the only symptoms. She tells everybody that her daughter is neurodivergent. Does that come into this category?

I think there is a bit of disagreement as to whether some of these conditions like ADHD and Autism are binary and the extent to which we can acknowledge different severities within apparently the same condition. Saying there is no such thing as 'mild' ADHD doesn't make much sense when we can see that there are some very extreme cases where people are obviously more impacted than others. This would imply there is a scale and within that it is logical that will be some people with mild ADHD. Whether these people currently do or should get a diagnosis is debatable but I do think it's a bit offensive to suggest that they don't exist. It feels a bit like erasure for those who don't struggle as much as others and probably need very different support to someone with severe ADHD.

Unfortunately people sometimes do want to label their kids though. I've seen parents bring their child in wanting multiple 2nd opinions because they've been told that their child's issues are down to adverse childhood experiences and inconsistent parenting. I've yet to meet a parent who isn't pissed off by this diagnosis even when it fits. The vast majority will plough on and on and seek private assessments until someone eventually gives them the diagnosis they're seeking. For private ADHD assessments in particular it's actually a very high proportion of people who receive the diagnosis if they go for assessment especially privately. It's this that trivialises these conditions imo and the answer isn't increasing diagnosis it's looking at the social factors that are making modern life so difficult to cope with.

I'm recently diagnosed ADHD - when I got my diagnosis in February, the scores on my screening test and the results from my assessment were so high, that even my clinician commented on it.

@Dairydebris and @slatinds you would both look at me and think that I was one of the middle-aged, well functioning people you describe.

I have been with my husband since we were 17, have a family, successful career, have done well educationally and financially.

You would also see that I was disorganised, struggle to meet deadlines, am messy, forget appointments, am usually late for things, waste money on impulsive purchases, and probably think I was a chaotic slob who just needed a diary.

I know you would see that because before my diagnosis, that's what I thought about myself and I used to beat myself up daily over it.

What you won't see is that despite my intelligence and awareness of my failings, none of the techniques I've tried over the years stick which leads to crippling anxiety, stress and guilt (which in my case eventually led to 9 months off work with burnout and very nearly saw me hospitalised).

When I started to consider that I may have ADHD and look into it more, before getting my diagnosis, it was literally like someone had switched a light on. Everything in my life made sense:

-- random purchases that I have to have delivered the next day, which then sit in boxes for months and an addiction to gambling that I very nearly developed (impulsiveness)

-- forgetting to cancel subscriptions, missing appointments, forgetting tasks (lack of object permanence),

-- being late and underestimating how long things take (time-blindness)

-- taking on too much and constantly being on edge thinking I'm in trouble for something and everyone hates me (rejection sensitivity)

-- short term hobby obsession and unfinished projects, leaving things to the last minute before getting a weeks worth of work done in a few days or hours (hyperfocus / lack of focus and needing the dopamine rush of an impending deadline)

-- Struggling to make decisions leading to procrastination (decision paralysis)

-- the constant noise in my head (internalised hyperactivity)

-- super calm in a crisis when everyone else is losing it (because adrenaline and dopamine trigger hyperfocus)

Taking the medication was life-changing - my brain was quiet for the first time ever - I had space to think and work through my issues and look for ADHD friendly solutions.

Because of being able to understand why I do the things I do, alongside meds and coaching, I have started to address my issues. I'm not there yet and my med combinations still aren't quite right, but I have made some changes.

I try not to use it as an excuse, but it is a genuine reason. I am open with people about my diagnosis which helps to ask for accommodations at work or to apologise to collegaues when I've not finished something or not met a deadline (whereas I would have previously just buried my head in the sand).

Talking to other late diagnosed women is also really helpful, because it helps me realise I'm not alone.

I'm happy to answer any questions if you still have doubts - I can only answer for me and ADHD is not the same for everyone - but I more than happy to be open about my experience.

You could be a friend! I think she'd describe herself exactly like this.

I"m also thinking of another friend who was diagnosed as part of the process of qualifying as a counselor, ( ie didn't seek the diagnosis) and didn't share the diagnosis with me for years. Not because she's ashamed, but because she says she doesn't wish to be 'defined' by her diagnosis. She certainly uses the word 'mild' to describe her condition- and she absolutely wouldn't call herself impaired.

I'm glad you've found the diagnosis helpful and I apologize if I came across as flippant.

We are all different and to some extent I think putting groups of behavior into a category and giving it a name is a very human thing to do.

People do seem to look at it that way, I agree. I personally think it's the wrong way to view neurodivergence.

@dairydebris - I would probably describe my ADHD as mild (and think I have on this thread actually), because I am aware that there are some people that are absolutely crippled by it.

But the thing with mild ADHD is it still needs to be addressed, whether it is through meds, counselling, coaching or just self-awareness because it is only mild until it isn't (as I know realise).

I like analogies because it helps me to get my thoughts straight and explain things.

I've been thinking lately that late diagnosed 'mild' ADHD compared with debilitationg childhood diagnosed ADHD is a bit like comparing type 2 diabetes vs type 1 diabetes.

T2D is caused by a combination of genetic factors and lifestyle. People can live with it for years before diagnosis, but if, when recognised, the person with the diagnosis takes meds if needed and makes the appropriate lifestyle changes then it is relatively easy to live with, and in some cases can be managed to the point of being 'cured', although the lifestyle changes need to be maintained otherwise it will come back. Late diagnosed ADHD is similar in many respects.

However T1D is usually diagnosed in childhood and can be totally debilitating and has to be carefully managed with medication and support.

They are both called diabetes but are very different conditions - however, both can have the same devastating outcomes if not treated and managed appropriately.

Im diagnosed with adhd and autism and I do notice a lot of people around me are very similar but im also confident that we all gravitate towards each other (NT included) and I can definitely see a divide between the two (in terms of behaviour/needs etc)

hear hear. Exactly this. The arrogance and insensitivity inherent in all the 'it's just a personality trait/excuse for being rubbish' comments is unbelievable. I mean, just read the NHS page on autism if you don't have time to do any more, or do you not care about being ignorant and insensitive? It reminds me about how crappy I've been made feel over the years just for being myself because of other people's (and my own for that matter) ignorance on the nature of neurodiversity. It can be incredibly difficult having ADHD largely because you're being forced to go along with a system of doing things that works for most other people but not for you.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/neurodivergent-adhd-autism-diagnosis-psychologist-b2744665.html

Found this interesting article that aligns with the poll results.

This resonates so strongly with me, it could be a description of various aspects of my life.

The thing about knowing why is that it enables you to come up with solutions that work for your brain. I am very visual - out of sight means out of mind to me - so we now have hooks and shelves on the wall in the hall and kitchen for everything that we might need on the way out in the morning. The table next to the door has toothbrushes in a cup on it. I have cue cards to remind me what time we need to start doing stuff to get out for school and work on time. I do all small tasks immediately when the request comes in - answer work emails, order photos, buy tickets, organise school stuff - because I know "Oh, I'll do it later" doesn't work for me. I buy and wrap presents for children's parties and get my DS to write the card on the day we receive the invitation and then it just hangs in a bag on a hook in the hall until it's needed.

We used to have trouble getting out to places with the kids at weekends. We'd arrive at the trampoline park or soft play, for example, less than an hour before it was closing. Now I have a list on the fridge of all the places we like to take the kids, when they shut and the precise time that we need to start getting ready to leave the house highlighted and in bold.

Sometimes the system breaks down and I'm half an hour late. I used to get very upset and think I was just a failure at life, but now I apologise, put it behind me and start thinking of ways to improve the system.

@passonthat - absolutely - I've finally hit on a way to keep appointments sorted after years of buying calendars which either stayed on the month of February with nothing further filled into until it was time to get a new one, diaries and planners which end up getting discarded or electronic calendars which no-one ever bothered to look at.

I bought a magentic clear calendar for the fridge - it has 6 weeks worth of space so at the start of each month gets cleaned off and updated for the next month (but the extra ten days or so means there is not the pressure to do it exactly on the 1st)

I also have a plain one which sits underneath on the freezer and that future events get put on before being transferred when the relevant month comes around.

The idea came from an ADHD blog where the blogger was talking about keeping white boards round the house to remember things.

Works like a dream - the kids add their commitments and we all look at it most days.

So simple - but I'd never considered doing it that way before because only putting a month at a time up felt wrong, but the future events board sorts that, without having to wrestle planners and calendars!

I've also managed to make the habit stick of putting my keys on the shelf next to the door. DH helped with that one as he started putting them their when he spotted I'd discarded them somewhere and I gradually picked it up. It's very rare now that I have to start hunting for my keys in a panic when I am late!

I'm working on sleep patterns and housework habits at the minute.