AIBU to think my American neighbour is taking this too far?

[MelaniaLovesLemon]

She’s already invited us to Thanksgiving (yes, in September) and has given me a little to-do list...
Bring a casserole, make miniature turkeys out of whole walnuts(?), and have something prepared to say about what we’re thankful for, and I need to bring my own chair. She’s quirky, loud and brash with a weird husband, and has a habit of turning up unannounced with crazy schemes.

Recently she came for an aperitif in our cute garden, and practically inhaled the entire tin of prawn cocktail Pringles that I was saving for my DS and then simply helped herself to another glass of wine without asking, apparently she wants that wine for the dinner?

Another time she invited me round at 9am to taste test three different types of stuffing, for the Thanksgiving. I could not possibly eat all that at 9am!

I don’t know if I’m being rude thinking this is all a bit much?

I should also say that anyone who feels the need to state they are being 'posh' are absolutely not ...

If I wanted to attend I’d just say I don’t have time for craft/ cooking but happy to bring something ready done from supermarket or drinks, ready made dessert etc,
if I didn’t want to attend I would say sorry I can’t make it.

not sure ref Pringles, need more context, were snacks on offer, was the pipe of Pringles earmarked for ds and other food available or was it just a drink?
also echo other poster, how is your garden cute and what’s the relevance?

Hahahaha

this is hilarious.
I love the fact one of the walnuts has a stern expression with biro.

Why on earth would you provide Pringles with your regular showy aperitif event and then complain that it’s ’off’ when someone ’hoovers’ them up?
are you Margo Leadbetter? Are your neighbours Tom and Barbara Good?

Thinking isn’t rude.
You may be rude depending on how you respond to her.
I think I’d suddenly be away that weekend meeting an old pal and her family, then politely decline next year, you could say you’re not creative or something re the BYO things.
You’re going to have to dial her down if you find her company a bit too much

This

I think she sounds quite fun 😂 and most people on this thread are miserable

Also this is a typical MN thread full of posters who actually refuse to answer their own front door and then start threads about how they're lonely and have no friends.

Start distancing yourself now. Say no and block their phone number. Tell them you don't celebrate thanksgiving so you won't be going.

Of course not if you don’t want to, but to complain about what she drank/ate when you invited her round into your garden seems a little mean spirited. I’m delighted if people feel relaxed enough to help themselves!

Yabu to moan about someone you invited over for eating pringles and 'helping themselves' to another glass of wine.

Inviting someone to share a meal is hardly ramming it down their throat.

Unclench, you might enjoy it 😉

There is no need to go to something you don’t want to or to spend time with people you don’t like. I do think she’s just being friendly though.

I am trying to picture the scene in your cute garden and unless she entered your house and started rifling through your cupboards I can only assume you put food on the table and expected her not to eat it? Same with the wine.

Actually I’d go as far as saying that I think putting food and wine on the table is providing it as a host and I’d expect people to refill and grab what they want. In fact, I would be pretty pissed off if someone went home complaining I hadn’t fed them or given them wine because I didn’t keep refilling their glass when it was right there in front of them. I think anything on the table at a social event like that is fair game for eating or drinking and as a host it’s your responsibility to keep the table topped up with stuff.

Although I’m more of a cocktail sausages and crisps kind of person so I suspect we run in different circles based on your posts.

Bringing the chair feels perfectly reasonable since you’re the neighbour. It’s surely normal not to have loads of extra chairs and you could even run it up there a bit earlier in the day if it’s easier?

I really dislike the pot luck style events personally but it does seem cultural and the done thing.

Soemthing to be thankful of - I feel she’s actually being very considerate here and understanding of the cultural difference. British people generally hate being put on the spot to “perform” unexpectedly especially in an earnest way. I think giving you a heads up about a tradition you’re likely unfamiliar with so you can think of something is actually very nice.

I will give you the turkey walnuts. This feels a bit much. I’d quite enjoy it myself but I think expecting guests to bring along crafts is a bit off, like asking them to bring some Christmas decorations.

What kind of a host leaves their guest's wine glass empty so they have to top themselves back up? And gets cross that they've eaten crisps you've provided?!

She’s incorrectly thinks you’re friends. She had this impression because you’ve invited her around, she’s invited you around (and you’ve accepted). Decline the invite and don’t invite her around anymore. Distance yourself from her and she will get the picture.

To explain the nuance as to why you were invited in September - it’s to confirm numbers. The Turkey has to be ordered in advance and it’s purchased by weight to allow a certain portion size per guest. Turkeys are expensive in November and are not readily available. It’s not until December you start seeing them at a lower cost. My Thanksgiving Turkey runs about £100+ and I usually make spiral ham or a beef standing rib roast alongside it - which is not cheap meats.

It’s also 24 hours of cooking and prep. People need to plan in advance and buy ingredients in. If she’s in the U.K. - this takes time as things are bought in advanced and potentially shipped in from the US.

So yes, you would be invited now. Just to give you a ball park - my family of 9 cost roughly £40 per person to cater for, for Thanksgiving.

Hopefully that gives you some perspective on your pack of prawn crisps and your glass of wine.

Stop being a fake friend.

American here, the tinned cranberry sauce is an iconic thing, and a joke to those who hate cranberry sauce. Its just how its done, as you Brits have plenty things that you do that Americans find odd but we understand its just how it is done so we smile and nod and join in. Thanksgiving in the US is about sharing a meal with people, the more the merrier. So I am not sure why someone feels like it is"rammed down your throat" any more than one of your drinks parties would be. You are invited to share a meal. It isnt that hard.

No, if anything is becoming more popular but the menu is shifting as people decide it can still be Thanksgiving with different foods. "Friendsgiving" has also become popular as people either choose to celebrate with friends ("chosen family") rather than gun-loving Maga Uncle Frank.

Yes, I would be embarassed I hadn't refilled her glass!

That's costly-do spend the same on Christmas dinner or is it instead of?

OP, why did the Pringles that were meant for your DS appear with the aperitif ?

In case nobody else has asked yet...

Why would she give you something you have to give her back?

Ah I used to live and work in Texas and had my first child there.

Back in uk now. I’d quite like to be invited to Thanksgiving. Or a pot supper!

I just enquired (inquired?) today at my butcher about getting a Thanksgiving turkey as I’m planning to rerun the dinner I did last year in a new neighbourhood to a totally British crowd (besides me, an American who was grieving a disastrous election). My pumpkin pie was so well received I had one of the guests ask me for the recipe so she could make it for her family’s Christmas as an alternative to Christmas pudding, which she did to rave reviews. She was thrilled when I told her this weekend we’d be doing it again.

Thanksgiving in my family in the US is very much a communal affair - the host makes the turkey but everyone else is assigned a dish and drinks and folding chairs and tables - there can easily be upwards of 30 people or more and no one has that kind of capacity. My British family here would be mortified at my asking people to bring dishes (and not topping up wine, though they can be peculiarly mean about crisps/snacks with drinks, as a few “posh” drinks dos I have attended are) so I do it all myself but our gatherings are much smaller and I’m happy to do it. I’m actually really excited looking up recipes.

Walnut turkeys do seem a bit OTT as every single American who has commented has noted, but everything else seems quite normal and part of the festivities. You’re perfectly within your rights to decline to do walnut turkeys (and of course to decline it all) but unless you tell us more about the weird husband I am not seeing how she is really taking it too far.

I would also inhale prawn pringles and do your son the world of good by him not eating them! You sound like a snob about your apertif (can’t even spell it…it’s a drink).

Your neighbour sounds fun. I don’t even get invited anywhere to eat Pringles so I’m jealous. At least you don’t need to worry about what to bring…she’s made it easy and told you. She’s provided the walnuts it can’t be that hard!

Of COURSE you should go! (assuming you are in UK. You are likely to have a wider range of invitations if you are in US). Embrace the differences.

It sounds perfectly reasonable to me to ask a nearby neighbour to bring a chair, if they are going to be short. The walturks sound fun, and you sound a bit mean with the wine and Pringles. If they weren't for eating, why weren't they hidden in a cupboard?

I'm feeling a tad envious as I've never actually Wallturkthanksgiven! I've loved passovers, segregated Muslim weddings, a Hindu wedding in India where we were the only Europeans - in fact the only people in the whole hotel who weren't existing wedding guests, various French, Italian and Cypriot feast days..... Go for it!

Of course she's weird! She's American! It's a different culture! (And despite being a Trump electing nation, there are lots of good qualities for you to discover).

She sounds interesting and funny. Perhaps try to change your perspective and see her as a positive part of life’s rich tapestry. The wine and crisps isn’t really a big deal is it🤷🏼‍♀️

I know!! Different worlds eh?!

Going on the Pringles Scoffing and the wine intake... I bet it's all Martha Stewart until the 3rd gin... and then it would get quite entertaining, so I'd go.

I'm imagining that the thanksgiving speeches would be a bit like an art film script, turning into quite bitter monologues with the couple ending up throwing the Walnut Turkeys at each other.

Bring a couple of packs of Prawn Cocktail Pringles as a hostess gift, and prepare a great thanksgiving monologue. Mine would be that "I'm thankful Trump gave such an "entertaining" speech to the UN recently. Discuss." a bit cheeky but might get a conversation going.