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Original poster

Why does sex seem to be just a commodity these days?

109 replies

PistachioTiramisu · 23/09/2025 09:56

This is a subject which I genuinely find mystifying and it isn't criticism! Could people please tell me why so many find it acceptable to jump into bed with a man on their first date these days, or why sex seems to be so cheap now? From reading posts on here, It seems to me that it is considered quite OK to have a 'friend with benefits', Don't people want to get to know a prospective sexual partner and develop a relationship with them before indulging in sex any more? It all seems a bit sad and soulless to me!

OP posts:
BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 23/09/2025 10:00

I guess it depends if you view sex as something divine and precious and almost sacred which is reserved for people you care about or you view it as only a bit of fun and hot and exciting with whoever you're around to enjoy it with

mbosnz · 23/09/2025 10:01

I guess, different people want different things.

Some people want hearts and flowers, others want the physical enjoyment and release of sex without an ongoing relationship.

As to being 'cheaper' - sex isn't a commodity. Unless you are selling it of course. In which case it is. I don't know whether the going rate is cheaper than it was or not though.

Lollypop267 · 23/09/2025 10:02

Because believe it or not, when you have sex, it does not have to be 'giving part of yourself' to someone. That is in fact a commodity and very outdated.

Viewing it as a very normal and fun part of adult relationships, in all their forms, is very different.

Women can in fact enjoy these adult things these days, it isn't something we 'submit' to men anymore. It's absolutely fine to just have fun with another person and that be that. No rings, no dowry, just fun.

Also speaks to your character that you claim it 'isn't a criticism' to label someone as cheap. That's very cheap judgemental behaviour in my opinion.

Tunacheesequesadilla · 23/09/2025 10:02

It's because women don't get menus with no prices anymore.

KimberleyClark · 23/09/2025 10:04

Sex is a big deal to some people (including myself) but not to others. Either view is perfectly ok.

Octavia64 · 23/09/2025 10:05

I mean… I wouldn’t have sex with someone on a first date but I don’t see what’s wrong with it.

why do you think it is wrong op?

AhBiscuits · 23/09/2025 10:08

Because they enjoy it and consenting adults can do what they want.

AutumnnotFall · 23/09/2025 10:08

I think that people just have to do what is 'right' for them, with no judgement either way.

Mischance · 23/09/2025 10:10

Each to their own I say.

Casual sex is not for me, but that does not mean it is not what someone else enjoys.

As long as no-one is hurt, emotionally or physically, and contraception is dealt with, then I do not think it is my place to judge. It may not be for me, but that is irrelevant really.

youalright · 23/09/2025 10:11

Im in a long term relationship now but use to sleep around its only sex its just fun nothing more then that i was always safe. It doesn't have to be this big deep thing. I loved having the independence of being single without missing out on sex.

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 23/09/2025 10:12

Other people's attitudes to their own sexuality and private lives are absolutely none of your business, OP. Focus on yourself and leave other consenting adults be.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 23/09/2025 10:14

It's OK to do these things and it's OK not to do these things.

I would argue that someone who enthusiastically jumps into bed with a new partner on the first date is treating sex as a fun recreational activity, whereas someone who holds it back in exchange for some sort of commitment is treating it as a commodity.

People who use expressions such as "why would he buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free?" are explicitly treating sex as a commodity to be exchanged for some sort of reward.

snughugs · 23/09/2025 10:14

Lollypop267 · 23/09/2025 10:02

Because believe it or not, when you have sex, it does not have to be 'giving part of yourself' to someone. That is in fact a commodity and very outdated.

Viewing it as a very normal and fun part of adult relationships, in all their forms, is very different.

Women can in fact enjoy these adult things these days, it isn't something we 'submit' to men anymore. It's absolutely fine to just have fun with another person and that be that. No rings, no dowry, just fun.

Also speaks to your character that you claim it 'isn't a criticism' to label someone as cheap. That's very cheap judgemental behaviour in my opinion.

The thing I like this view and would think along those lines myself. The problem is I’ve yet to meet a man that doesn’t act like he owns me as he has sex with me or complained he didn’t have to work for it or some rubbish along those lines. From the ages 18-50 I’ve had to listen to men whom I slept with lecture me on why I shouldn’t have sex with them so soon. I took no notice stopped have sex for 10 years thought it would be better after waiting it was just the same. I think this seems to be a male problem, not a female one. I’m rather pleased my sex drive has tapered off, in fact relieved if only I had this sex drive when I was young.

Lambington · 23/09/2025 10:14

I dont think there's anything new in this. Its been human nature (for some people) for 100s of years.
The Internet just means you hear all about it more these days.

Tink3rbell30 · 23/09/2025 10:16

I agree. It's gross. I would have to actually know someone well and have a connection with them. I wouldn't get anything out of shagging a randomer, very unappealing.

DarkPassenger1 · 23/09/2025 10:16

'These days'? lol

Sex for all of human history has been engaged in for a variety of reasons, ranging from within a loving relationship to pure procreation to simple fun between friends or strangers to forging links between different groups to financial security.

If you think that the majority of the world only engages in sex because they love a serious partner then you're incredibly naive and not very educated.

brunettemic · 23/09/2025 10:20

As with many MN posts that seem to stem from a very blinkered POV…because people are different and want/like different things. It’s really not rocket science.

I have great sex with DH and I’ve had great sex in the past on a one night stand or after a date. I’ve also had bad sex in those situations.

Original poster
PistachioTiramisu · 23/09/2025 10:23

OK, OK I was only asking! Of course it is up to individuals what they do sex-wise and if I sounded critical, I didn't mean it!

OP posts:
TheCurious0range · 23/09/2025 10:23

I think sex is a commodity when you withhold it/trade it in exchange for things, if it's just two consenting adults engaging with each other sexually I don't see how it's a commodity and I say that as someone who has been married/in a monogamous long term relationship for 16 years .

TheCurious0range · 23/09/2025 10:26

The these days element of the OP is very disingenuous, go back 60 years and sexual liberation was very much en vogue

PlumpAndDeliciousFatcat · 23/09/2025 10:27

PistachioTiramisu · 23/09/2025 10:23

OK, OK I was only asking! Of course it is up to individuals what they do sex-wise and if I sounded critical, I didn't mean it!

You didn't mean for the adjectives 'cheap', 'sad', and 'soulless' to sound critical?

OK.

AndSheDid · 23/09/2025 10:29

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 23/09/2025 10:00

I guess it depends if you view sex as something divine and precious and almost sacred which is reserved for people you care about or you view it as only a bit of fun and hot and exciting with whoever you're around to enjoy it with

Exactly. I’m 53, so not new to sex and sexual mores, and to me it’s a complete moral neutral, an enjoyable physical activity that has fortunately, since the advent of reliable contraception, been almost divorced from having children. It’s not some kind of privileged or elevated thing for me. I’ve had excellent sex with people I didn’t much like.

K0OLA1D · 23/09/2025 10:30

Its not a new thing

I've been with dp since I was 19. Who I slept with on the first date. I'm 35 and we're still going strong.

Lifepuzzle · 23/09/2025 10:31

@DarkPassenger1

If you think that the majority of the world only engages in sex because they love a serious partner then you're incredibly naive and not very educated.

This 💯

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/09/2025 10:34

These days? Since human life began.
Some era's were more discreet than others.