26 year old never done laundry

[ordinaryma]

Is this normal ?

I have a little boy, aged 3. I don’t want to judge but I would hope he would be able to do laundry at this age..

it’s just a friend of a friend who was talking about her 26 year old son who was not able to do laundry. The friend had gone on holiday and was worried about her son. The son is NT.

it got me thinking of my H and his mum used to talk about him like this when he was that age. My parents were nothing like this with us. At 26 I was living alone and making my own way in the world.

this man lives at home and is unable to do laundry and his mum is missing him after 4 days away on holiday and is worried about him.

Anyway, it got me thinking- is that normal ? Anyone who has 26 year olds, is this the same for you ? it just wasn’t in my case. Am I going to be like this with my son / daughter when they’re older? I always thought, absolutely not- but who knows. I can’t really judge it.

I know I would want them to be more independent. I think they should start learning how to do laundry in their teens. I don’t know. Am I going to be one of those moms that holds on like this or will I be as I imagine.

I guess the way the friend of a friend was talking, it sounded like she was talking about a teenager and I found it very cringey.

Of course that isn’t normal.
As parents our job is to bring up independent adults. I’m sure that man will appear in here at some point as someone’s useless DP who expects a mummy for a wife rather than a partner.

DS has been doing his own laundry since he was about 14

I also had to do my laundry from about that age and that was in a twin tub so was a real faf

Does he play games on a computor / online etc, if so he can learn the simple buttons to press on a w/machine surley.

But its the parent that needs to enable him as either he really doesn't know how to or he is just happy for parent to do it.

Mine did their own laundry from 15/16 it was slightly annoying when they would put a load on at 10:30/11pm.

No it's not.
I do the laundry in the house, but only because it's just easier that way as I'm working from home. Both DS and DD have been able to use the washing machine/dishwasher/cook from early teens.

My ds21 can do laundry. He does put it on at annoying times and sometimes leaves it in the machine. He also spent a while washing his clothes in fabric conditioner until I pointed out the detergent. He gets points for effort though!

Teens is too late. They won't want to do it. Start from at least 8 years

I think this says more about the mum than the son. She has obviously always done it for him so he hasn't been arsed to learn, what is weirder though is the fact that she is missing him and is worried about him.

There was a poster here a couple of weeks ago whose 24 year old son does nothing around the house except take the bins out.
Turns out he has never done anything or been expected to do anything as a child or teenager..

I’d feel id failed as a parent if my child couldn’t do laundry by that age.
Both of my boys (16 and 21) do their own, occasionally I’ll chuck some of theirs in with mine if there’s space, but generally speaking if they haven’t got clean clothes, it’s their loss 😁

Of course a grown adult man should be able to do laundry....and clean and run a house and cook, pathetic and ridiculous if he can't. Actually it won't be that he can't( because pushing a few buttons on a machine and separating whites isn't complicated), it'll be because he doesn't want to and his very silly enabling mother is treating him like a child.

She's holding him back from being a normal functioning adult. It seems very strange that she would worry about him while she was away for a few days.

At 26 my husband had lived independently since he was 18 as had I and we did our own laundry.

I never made my own son do his laundry while he was at school, but in that summer before university I taught him how to clean, clean a bathroom, do laundry, cook 14 main meals, so that he could function. By 26 he was living with his now wife, buying a house, and as part of their division of chores he was doing all the washing ie living as an adult.

I do most of the laundry and I’ll admit only taught them because at 15 my now 17yo asked which was the washing machine and which was the tumble drier. So now I sporadically get my eldest three 13, 15 and 17 to put a wash on. I also regularly ask for help to hang stuff out so I can teach them that clothing folded in half or put at odd angles won’t dry!!

I’ll be honest and I say that I do do all the washing in the house - it’s easier to chuck it all in together.

However, my 23 year does know how to do it, and will wash his clothes if needed urgently.

However, I agree with the above poster that it’s as much his mums fault as his, and if he’s never had to do it, it’s not probably occurred to him to start learning now.

I've got a friend like this. Does all her adult DSs laundry, ironing, cooking, packing to go on hols etc ... but expects her DD to help out with everything.

Teens isn't too late at all. I never expected my children to do anything round the house apart from put things in the dishwasher, make their bed( I washed the sheets) and occasionally tidy their room all the time until they left school at 18. In my view, their main job was to do well at school, not cleaning or doing washing.

In the summer before university I taught them how to clean, including bathroom, cook basic main meals, do laundry etc so that they could live independently. Let's face it, it's not hard to learn and doesn't take years of practice so it's fine to leave till later as long as you send them off in the world knowing how to do it.

I'll bet she is the kind of woman who only talks of herself in terms of her son and then complains when he doesn't do enough. The kind of woman who her answer to 'how are you' is telling you what her son has been up to. It's an awful way to be. No it is absolutely not normal.

I have a friend who genuinely told me her husband (40s) cannot operate a washing machine. I was disgusted at first and thought what a lazy prick, I was shocked too because I had always liked him. When pushed on why she did his laundry she said 'oh I couldn't trust him. He'd do it all wrong. He'd ruin my bras/delicates etc. ' It turns out she never 'let' him, there are many other things he isn't allowed do. He isn't allowed choose his own outfit as she lays it out the night before. The thing is I actually lived with him as a flatmate when he was young and he was certainly able to cook and do laundry and dress himself then. I get he isn't exactly fighting back either but this is an issue of her making.

DD is 11 and does a lot of her own laundry.

By the time I was 26, I'd been living independently for 8 years and had a 7 year old child. Barring additional needs, there's zero excuse for not knowing how to do household tasks at 26.

Perfect time for him to learn from google

Absolutely shocking and borderline abusive imo.

I know a couple of women who baby their adult sons like this. They can’t bear not to be needed. Sadly there are so many women who have little or no domestic expectations of men that they’ll find a partner who’ll be willing to take up the slack no problem.

I mean, his mum should have cut the apron stings years ago. The reason he cant is because she does. Cant even blame him for it because if hes getting it done for him why not? When my partner and i moved in together (me-27 him 29) i had been living on my own since uni-so around 7 years- and he had lived at home with his mum doing majority of things for him-and it showed!!

@ordinaryma quite a catch then, isnt he>>>

@ordinaryma

"I don’t want to judge but"..... yes, you are judging.

What does it matter in the grand scheme, household tasks are not exactly brain surgery, they are just monotonous chores and easily learned when necessary.

Obviously, many take pride in that their children are making their own beds at 3 yrs old or doing their washing at 7 yrs, perhaps even cooking a family by age 9, all perfectly acceptable if that's what you choose for your family.

Monotony should be spared until absolutely necessary, purely imo, obviously. 🙂

I never did any laundry until I moved out and got a place of my own. I'd tell DM I'd do my own, but she insisted on doing it all anyway. Mind you, we did have a twin tub washing machine, so I guess she thought she might as well do all of it while it was there, and full of hot water.

Being a reasonably capable sort however, when dp and I moved into our new flat, we read the washing machine instructions and the labels on clothes and took it from there. It's not exactly rocket science, is it?

My nine year old knows how to work the washing machine and puts his own clothes in (with a bit of prompting). I’d be embarrassed to have produced an adult who couldn’t wash their own clothes, but also, the internet is a thing and if this man wanted to google how to use the washing machine, he could. He won’t because his mother enjoys his infantilised state and encourages it.

No that's not normal. I was married with a child by 26 and did laundry for the family from a teenager. My DH the same.