26 year old never done laundry

[ordinaryma]

Is this normal ?

I have a little boy, aged 3. I don’t want to judge but I would hope he would be able to do laundry at this age..

it’s just a friend of a friend who was talking about her 26 year old son who was not able to do laundry. The friend had gone on holiday and was worried about her son. The son is NT.

it got me thinking of my H and his mum used to talk about him like this when he was that age. My parents were nothing like this with us. At 26 I was living alone and making my own way in the world.

this man lives at home and is unable to do laundry and his mum is missing him after 4 days away on holiday and is worried about him.

Anyway, it got me thinking- is that normal ? Anyone who has 26 year olds, is this the same for you ? it just wasn’t in my case. Am I going to be like this with my son / daughter when they’re older? I always thought, absolutely not- but who knows. I can’t really judge it.

I know I would want them to be more independent. I think they should start learning how to do laundry in their teens. I don’t know. Am I going to be one of those moms that holds on like this or will I be as I imagine.

I guess the way the friend of a friend was talking, it sounded like she was talking about a teenager and I found it very cringey.

Omg my 2 year old would be ecstatic if I let him hoover I have to wrestle the hoover out of his hand when i get it out in front of him. One of his favourite phrases to use to excuse going to places he shouldn't be right that moment is "I'm just tidying up, OK?".

Meh -

I get what you're saying.

However I couldn't get so worked up about the son of a friend's friend. Basically - so what?

Did anyone else read this (at least initially) as if the OP was hoping that her 3 year old would be doing the laundry?

Wow

Are people like this why we have so many hopeless young men?

There’s probably lots of young men (and some women) living at home who have never used a washer or cooked a meal. I always did the family laundry when all kids still at home but DS had to learn to do laundry and cook when he went to uni. He graduated this year and lives with his gf now but I know he does cook and do laundry.

DD who is 17 has never worked the washing machine, but it’s hardly rocket science and she will also learn how to do this when she goes off to uni next Autumn. She has been cooking her own food for a couple of years at least now. She is very fussy and prefers to cook herself, but does need to learn to wash up. Again, she will need to learn at uni as there won’t be someone who will do it for her like I do. I don’t mind washing up as she cooks for herself and means I can just do my own cooking. After years of having to cook for the family (have a second older DS too) it’s such a luxury to come home from work and just sort out your own dinner.

How long do you think it would take to teach a young adult how to do the laundry? I honestly think that 10 minutes would cover everything, from reading labels, choice of detergents, colour separation, loading, choice of cycle, pegging out, tumble drying, folding. Ironing might take a bit longer, but I don’t iron and so YouTube would be a better bet.

I think whatever age they were taught, it is likely that their most powerful lessons will come from ruining a favourite light item by not noticing the red sock that made it into the drum or shrinking their favourite jumper.

I think a lot of people if they've never been expected to do it or made to do it then they won't. My own parents naively assumed I'd start to pick up household tasks as I got older, won't be making that same mistake with my kids.

I think it's tempting to protect your child and make their life as easy as possible, but ultimately parenting is about fostering an independent resilient adult who will be able to fly the nest successfully.

Well I never did laundry growing up. My mum is a bit of a clean freak and honestly a bit controlling with stuff like that. But I went to uni at 18, took my stuff to the laundrette and was absolutely fine because I could read the labels and the dosing instructions on the detergent. It’s not some military operation or something that you need to start training for as a toddler. The odd part about this man is not so much that he’s never done it because that would totally have been me if I still lived at home at 26, it’s the fact that he can’t look at a few labels and figure it out. Does he have a job because I would honestly wonder how he manages if he can’t follow basic written instructions…

Whilst a young adult living at home should be able to turn their hand at all household tasks, I think people doing their own laundry within a household is barmy. Put on a full load for heavens sake. And how many late teens and twenty agers are really unable to google instructions? I don’t see what’s wrong really with the mum in the OP missing her adult son and hoping he’s OK, I have the same thoughts about mine, similar age, and he’s been living with his partner since he was 19, doesn’t mean I don’t still hope all is OK when he’s away. Presumably it’s not the first time the young man mentioned has been away without his parents at 26. Maybe the situation was more that he’d gone away with only the tiny underseat bag and she was hoping he’d be able to find some way of getting his stuff clean without full laundry facilities.

My DN has his own hoover at 2. It actually ucks things! He LOVES it.
Like it's not strong at all, but he is very happy with it.

My younger DS used to moan and complain (and also call me various names) when I wouldn't do his washing when he was in Sixth form. I showed him how to use the machine and backed right off (did the same with cooking too, but not to the same extent). Oh, the arguments!

Then he went to University and rang me at the end of his first week to sheepishly tell me that he'd had to show a whole load of his cohort how to work the machines in the laundrette and how to cook a basic meal. I wouldn't say he was grateful, but he learned the lesson and I was Mrs Smuggo for quite a while after that.

It's not about the time it takes to teach them , it's about time getting used to doing it!. If they have grown up doing no chores, they are going to find it extremely hard to all of a sudden have all these chores to do. It's been a battle getting my 14 year old to do chores because I didn't start making her do them young enough .

My ds has SEN, and incontinence issues. He's been cleaning up after himself since he was about 10, as the paediatric gastroenterology nurses thought that this might help him to stay clean. It hasn't, but he does know how to use a washing machine with my help.

My other DS can put on a wash as well. He's 17.

Teach your ds everything he needs to know, and there's no need for him to get to 26 years old and you worrying about him after 4 days home alone

I didn’t have any chores to do as a child. Both my parents managed the home in a shared way and were happy to do household tasks as a ‘job lot’ (chucking in my washing with theirs and cooking a extra portion etc) with what they were doing anyway.

When I left home I did not have a problem recognising when household tasks needed doing and when. It’s pretty obvious. My life was so different to when I had been at home, that any habits or patterns regarding when I did ‘my chores’ would have changed significantly anyway.

I think my parents approach, in addition to teaching me thoughtfulness, taught me that household tasks are no big deal, they are not a burdensome chore, just something to weave into life to help you tick along smoothly. A little bit each day, whilst listening to an audiobook or podcast, isn’t a big deal. I have 3 children (all adults now) and worked full time after maternity leave. The early years were brutal in terms of exhaustion and no time to myself, but once they were school age, it was fine.

Well, I'm a single mum so I can't do it all. My kids have to do chores and take part in the running of the household. I don't know how you make kids realise that chores are a normal part of life without them actually doing the chores as a normal part of their lives

Yeah, I'm always puzzled by that. We live in an age where you can find instructions on how to do just about anything without even having to go to a library to get a book out. I don't understand these stories of the 'helpless' generation when they have so many resources.

I think you are right. 'Can't is won't'.

I disagree, these people don’t have the initiative to do that.

It’s quite simple. When they move out, the fridge doesn’t stoke itself, the clothes don’t wash themselves, and the bathroom isn’t self cleaning. They do the tasks that need doing because they need to do them. I guess the proviso for this is that they are used and want order, cleanliness and tidyness.

I accept that a parent may need the help and require/expect help from children, but this is different to assuming that this is the only way they will learn to be independent.

I wouldn’t dream of telling any parent that they should not give ‘chores’ to their children. I do push back on claims that not requiring children to do chores means they will be inept or shellfish adults. I am my adult children evidence this isn’t the case.

I think that a few generations ago this probably was normal. For sons. Those same mothers would bring up their daughters knowing how to do everything for themselves but would expect to run around after their sons until they got a wife to do it for them!

DH and I are in our 60s and when I met him, nearly 40 years ago, he had been looking after himself for years- since he went to Uni at 18- so definitely at 26 he was perfectly capable of laundry and everything else. I assumed then that the old fashioned notions of men doing nothing about the house would die out with our generation, but clearly there are still some parents who live in the past.

I had a cousin like that, he was the same age as me. Lived at home with his parents until, well until they both died actually. Mum did everything for him. I remember when we were both 24 it looked like he was going to be relocated with his work and he might have to get digs in a different town. His mum was desperately worried as to how he would manage and whether he would be able to get home every weekend to get his washing done!

I don't know about that. My best mate at school never did any chores. Her mum even cleaned her room. Oh, how I envied her. We both left home in our late teens. She was much more houseproud than me because the minute I rented my own little flat and didn't have anyone to tell me off if I didn't have a tidy room, etc, I didn't bother until I had to.
I grew out of it, though I'll still never be as clean and tidy as my mother's house was (and still is) but I swear having chores as a child made me less inclined as an adult, partly because I didn't see the need for it at my mum's level. I found out the world didn't end if I didn't do the dishes immediately after dinner and nobody dies if you don't hoover every day.

For the whole household or for her own clothes?

I don't see how people doing individual washing works, isn't it wasteful on time and energy?

I've always thought we are raising adults. My two could cook, wash up and do laundry as young teenagers. It's just life skills. Whilst I worry about them I don't have to worry that they won't feed themselves or have clean clothes and a home environment.

I was doing my own laundry at 11 because my DM ruined stuff when she did it.

I have always done the laundry for my dc, my DS went to uni with zero knowledge about it, I merely told him to pick his favourite 2 programs and just use whichever suits at the time, he managed. I have told my dd the same and she’s figured it out for herself too. What utter nonsense it is when people make it seem like they need to learn some complicated formula.

My 26 yo son is home for a bit before going travelling (was meant to be in 2020 but well…you know!). He’s entirely capable of running the household.
He came home and held the fort for my 16 yo last year when I was travelling for work.
I have raised my boys to understand that household tasks are everyone’s responsibility.