26 year old never done laundry

[ordinaryma]

Is this normal ?

I have a little boy, aged 3. I don’t want to judge but I would hope he would be able to do laundry at this age..

it’s just a friend of a friend who was talking about her 26 year old son who was not able to do laundry. The friend had gone on holiday and was worried about her son. The son is NT.

it got me thinking of my H and his mum used to talk about him like this when he was that age. My parents were nothing like this with us. At 26 I was living alone and making my own way in the world.

this man lives at home and is unable to do laundry and his mum is missing him after 4 days away on holiday and is worried about him.

Anyway, it got me thinking- is that normal ? Anyone who has 26 year olds, is this the same for you ? it just wasn’t in my case. Am I going to be like this with my son / daughter when they’re older? I always thought, absolutely not- but who knows. I can’t really judge it.

I know I would want them to be more independent. I think they should start learning how to do laundry in their teens. I don’t know. Am I going to be one of those moms that holds on like this or will I be as I imagine.

I guess the way the friend of a friend was talking, it sounded like she was talking about a teenager and I found it very cringey.

Ridiculous. Very poor parenting from both parents. Our sons were doing laundry and ironing from about 12.

My DS is 19, still lives at home and both my DDs accuse me of "babying " him.

You can bet anything you like though that this lad will be sent out in to the world a fully functioning human!

He always does his own laundry and just this evening, while I was on the phone to my mum,he was asking me questions about the likelihood of one of his coloured shirts running. I laughed and told mum it might be easier to just do it myself but that wasn't going to happen!

Yep, have come across a few. Always having help at home where the parents don't instill independence or see it as their job to make their kid's lives as easy as possible.
Even at Uni, there was a set that took their clothes to the dry cleaners or back home.
Never cooked either as daddy's Amex was always on hand.

My 8 year old autistic son with needs that prevent him from being able to attend school as they cannot keep him safe can do laundry! He will strip his bed if he wets it and put it in the machine. I do put the detergent in and turn it on because he eats non food and stuff like that is locked up. But he can help me hang washing and will put his clean clothes away. My 9 year old even folds hers!

As soon as my kids stopped wearing school uniform (which for them was 16), I stopped doing their laundry. They could use the washing machine before then. Occasionally I might put a load on for them but they need to deal with it. DD is at uni now so she gets on with doing that. She’s currently doing a load before she goes back and put some of our laundry in to make up a load.

DS (20) is better at ironing than me, thanks Air Cadets! The less said about his ability to put clothes away, the better. He was at home alone for two weeks in May and survived.

It can be for all sorts of reasons.

For example my MIL will wait on her adult sons like a bloody servant in-between telling me that my son "won't be interested in cooking - DH never was" etc. She babies my son too, even though he loves doing things for himself.

Well, in my house you don't get to be uninterested in basic skills in looking after yourself.

But I also went to university unable to do laundry, because my mum had this controlling fixation on some household tasks - laundry, cooking etc. On the other hand, she almost never cleans, that was all done by us kids. The place was filthy when I visited at the weekend.

My 2yo spilled his milk this morning and without prompting got some kitchen roll, wiped it up and put the tissue in the bin, and when potty training would help take his wet clothes to the wash. Everything's a game at that age!

YANBU. That is ridiculous. It is a basic life skill. From memory I think at sixth form I was generally taking on doing my own washing most of the time, I didn’t have to, but at a minimum at least knew how to and didn’t expect it to be done by others all the time. And people wonder why then they end up with partners in their 30s who do sweet FA. The mother enabling this is doing their adult child no favours at all.

No this is not normal, I did my own laundry from 13 year old because I found it embarrassing my mum washing my underwear 🤣. She ironed my school uniform etc. But I wouldn't let her do anything else.

We always did family laundry, but I think one of the first chores we helped with was helping separate clothes into colours. Then as we got older, (and git rid of the twin tub,) we graduates to things like putting the washing in, and detergent, and then which program to use. At some point, early teens i think, I learned how to decipher laundry symbols. But we often used to be left notes like, "when dark load finished, hang it out unless rain, then put white load on, back around 5pm." There was even a drawing of the dial and which setting occasionally. We never did our own washing, just everyone's, but from 16, had to do our own ironing.

Then at uni, it was laundrette and thst had tumble dryers, which I worked out by myself.

I would judge any adult who couldn't use a washing machine.

Start teaching him NOW. Teens is too late to start the habit - he'll have developed the attitude that laundry is what women / mums / wives do by then.

He can pick up his clothes, help you throw little things into the machine, watch it going round and understand it's making the clothes nice and clean, take bits out, roll his dry socks together and so on. Make it fun, normal, just a thing to do.

That family has failed their son.

it’s as much his mums fault as his,

Only on page 1 but it's "always the mum's fault"?? WTF?!

Are fathers too incapable of turning on a washing machine, or dryer and teaching their kids to?!

I guess only if they are a widower/single parent.

Best thing you can teach your kids is house domestics. School and education will take care of itself in life.

Except there’s good evidence that chores make them happier, have better self-esteem, and become more successful.

Mine was balling socks at 4 and does all her laundry at 14, without reminding or any issues. And she’s a very happy child.

@MrsTerryPratchett

My children are also very happy, confident and successful, no chores ofc.

They may well just be outliers though 😄

I must say, as an adult, chores do make me ecstatic so I do take your point 😉

Start at 3. He can help out clothes in and take them out and press the button to start.

The mother of that overgrown boy needs to give her head a wobble.

Mine did their own laundry once they hit their teens.

If you find yourself tempted to keep your children child-like, go and get therapy before you do them some damage.

It seems to be alot more common amongst boys. My ex was 31 and couldn't do his own laundry, or most housework really. Anytime it came up in conversation or was "joked" about his mom used to giggle and say "oh bless him! 🥹" with a face full of admiration like it was an endearing quality.
And one time I went away for a couple of days to visit family and she was worried sick about how he would manage to feed himself and arranged family members to bring him his meals and check in on him.

Funnily enough the day we broke up was because he started having a go at me because he didn't have any clean underwear to wear because I didn't wash them and have them ready for him. That was the final straw for me after years of his incompetence

Speechless.... Wtaf??

This sound like something out of the 1950s??

Does she want to create her poor daughter as a drone, and her son as an entitled arse??

Youre all too late. Start at 2

Nope. Not the norm. As soon as my kids can walk we do the laundry together. When they were younger they found it to be a fun job. DD is 14 now and has been doing laundry by herself for 2yrs now.

I'd just expand this to all basic life skills. It also most definitely goes both ways. I've known plenty of men and women who basically go though these phases:

0-18: Mummy/Daddy does it
18-25: I'm a student/young adult sharing a house.. of course I'm messy/chaotic/unhealthy/can't do things
25+ I've got a husband/wife now, they will do it!

Boys who can't wash clothes, cook basic food, clean properly etc because their mummy always did it for them...

Girls who can't do basic garden/house jobs, DIY, Fixing things, tech stuff, car maintenance, because daddy always did it for them...

These days it should just be basic parenting that you need to prepare both your children to be rounded and functional in their skills, regardless of their sex.

A healthy adult without learning disabilities can independently learn how to use a washing machine, clean their home and cook simple meals very easily and independently. I really don’t see an issue with them needing to learn this from any particular age or from their parents.

Far more important, in my view, is inculcating the mindset that no one else is responsible for domestic chores relating to your own space and belongings, that these chores are not a big deal and simply need integrating into daily life, and it’s rewarding to help others.

I did not do my own laundry or cooking whilst at home. My parents suggested that as they were doing these things anyway, ‘adding a few extra items in the wash, or cooking an extra portion ’ was no bother. They knew that I would have a lifetime of these activities upon leaving home and were happy to do it. This modelled being thoughtful and giving - this is the way they still treat each other, and my siblings and I feel privileged to be able to do things for them as they age and lose capacity.

I notice lots of my friends are far more resentful about caring for their parents, and similarly, when instructing their children to do chores often accompany this with ‘why should I have to do X for you’. I am genuinely happy to help my parents, I don’t feel put upon, after everything they did for me, years after they needed to. I am bringing up my children in the same way.

You can ‘grow’ an entitled child who will be a selfish life partner/ housemate or ‘slob’, despite being able to wash, cook and clean from a young age, just as it is possible to ‘grow’ a child who is thoughtful and capable of independence despite not learning to wash, cook and clean at home. The opposite of this is also possible.

In short, ability to operate a washing machine or cook isn’t the important factor, attitudes and values - which are transmitted by experience, observation and interaction- are likely to be more influential.

I second that @bluebettyy Even earlier. Toddlers have an innate instinct to help. Mine started showing interest in the washing machine et al around 13-15 months. I went with their interests.

Now they argue amongst themselves about who’s turn it is to pour in the detergent and switch machine on.
They’re now nearly 5&3.
As parents, it is our responsibility to equip our children with practical skills.

@Brainwormi agree with you. My mum did my washing and cooking until I moved out at 18. I was perfectly capable of doing both when I moved out!

😒. When I say start at 8, I mean start teaching them how to sort clothes. I sort mine by white, darks and colours. Also heavier and lighter clothes. Also at that age start teaching them how to hang out clothes on the airer properly and fold clothes to put away. There's lot that goes into doing laundry, it's not just sticking clothes in a washing machine and pressing a button!

My 2 year old helps with his laundry (puts clothes in, closes detergent drawer and main drawer and presses the button to start the machine). A 26 year old who can't cope with it is insane.