To think men don’t actually want equality in relationships, they just want women to do both roles?

[OneTipsyLeader]

So much talk about “wanting an equal partner” but in practice it looks like men expect women to juggle career, housework and childcare and still do the emotional heavy lifting. AIBU to think a lot of men don’t want equality, they want women to do it all?

I watched my DM do it all so decided I was going to do a lot less.

I think it depends very much on what is modelled at home and how empathetic they are. It is also why it is important what WE model to our children - the sons and daughters. If you’re a domestic doormat then that’s what they’ll expect to be/marry.

Mostly I think you’re right. Not in my case I am happy to say and lots of my close friends have genuinely good partners who do want an equal and fair relationship. But it does seem to be the experience of many of my friends and family and it often doesn’t become clear until the children arrive.

Choose carefully and go slowly is my advice.

Don't accept it; I certainly wouldn't of my husband. We both work, we both share the housework and childcare. My ex-husband is still of the opinion there is "man work" and "woman work" - a big reason as to why I left him.

Thing is if women didn't push for kids most men wouldn't bother. They probably assume looking after the kids is something you want to do.

And yet some of them seem to hate child free by choice women going by some of the comments ive had

YANBU.

Weird that given how negative so many men are about childfree / childless women.

The amount of men I have seen who think an “equal” relationship is just about shared finances is bonkers to me.

I hear it all the time. But they mean finances.

100%

My DH is not like that at all and is early 40s, tbh he's a bit old fashioned and definitely has a sense of what a man should be doing. He loves cooking but he's definitely a 'provider' he doesn't realise it but he looks visibly worried about not being that.

I should add, I'm FT on a professional position.

Yeah well I'll never understand men!

They're the same about any woman who has had a child by donor too.
I suspect most men wonder why women have kids with men who aren't them a lot of the time, after all they usually have hugely competitive egos when it comes to their sperm IME. A woman who made a choice? Hmmm, not sure I agree with THAT.

I run far far away the minute a man says he wants to be a provider and protector I'm in my 20s and women have strived ahead but men have not and it's on more parents to teach their boys to be domesticated and not leave it to a woman

Absolutely.

I also think it's hilarious how many men are obsessed with women being gold diggers and having to make sure that whoever they're dating is not after their money. Now if a man is a billionaire with luxury homes around the world and a yacht, I can see their point. But an average Joe living in a rented one bed flat with a standard office job and a ford fiesta on finance....give me a break 😂

The men I've encountered who were negative about me being child-free were not the same men who were happily child-free themselves. 100% of the judgmentalism for being child-free has come from parents (and frankly way more women than men).

It wasn't a declaration in my DH's case, he isn't that vulgar, it is nothing to do with the modern day take on this. It has always been there but it is subtle and it is a nervousness, a social expectation due to his background probably. My brother is similar and I have friends with husbands that are the same, the women like me are not beholden to them and they wouldn't dare declare it, it is just a thing. But I have grown a life from my twenties with my DH now both of us early to mid 40s, it is therefore not a dating tactic or some such bollox!

I’m glad I married a provider and protector. My DH is perfectly domesticated but there’s plenty of women out there who value traditional roles.

Oh and my DH is domesticated, his Mum taught him to be so plus he loves cooking way more than me so when he's around he likes to cook the dinner! In my experience they are not mutually exclusive, i.e. he is worried about not earning and providing enough for the kids but doesn't assume some power with that.

I literally can’t imagine how someone could look at themselves in the mirror and bleat ‘I’m glad a married a provider and protector’ without dying of mortification.

Men have got so much worse since the 70s
can’t see what good it’s really done all the women working and doing everything at home
just put up the houses prices to insane levels and women are just run ragged now doing it all rather than having it all

Also don’t forget men are so much more visual, so they are all about a woman’s looks

yet they are not that visual when they fail to see so many jobs that need doing

weaponised incompetence is not hot

Yeah, poor didfums. 🙄