To hate sentimentality about the early years going fast?

[higlandcoo]

Everyone has a different perspective but for me they didn’t go fast at all. The year I had a three year old and a one year old was awful. I worked part time and absolutely dreaded my days ‘off.’

I hate being told I’ll miss it one day. No, I won’t. Life is already infinitely calmer and easier, although we’re not out of the woods yet.

I often feel like I’m the only one!

All newborns do is sleep!

PMSL laughing at all newborns do is sleep
tell that to my refluxy colicky eldest who could scream for 6 hours straight and barely slept for more than 90 minutes unbroken til he was five months old
ye gods are people so utterly devoid of brain power that they can imagine not everyone has the same experience as them

Anyway
no idea why I'm responding to a goady twat
seems that the PND and angst although 30 years old still comes back in waves when I'm reminded of that time and also I can imagine there are plenty of people out there right now in the trenches who really don't need that sort of smug bollocks thrown at them

Hahaha! My newborn clearly didn't get the memo then.

I agree op. I hate that twee shite about maybe this is the last time they will hold you hand and such bollocks. It all seems purely designed to make mothers feel guilty for not devoting 100% of themselves to the raising of small children.

I joke with my teenager that he’ll always be my baby but I don’t mean I want those days back or that I look at now with sadness because those days have passed. I found having small children who relied on me 100% for everything overwhelming and I felt much better when they got older and I wasn’t needed as much in that way.

@Zanatdy i am rather enjoying it now, my youngest is two, I only have one at home for most of the day, they are both sleeping most of the time. Life is more predictable.

When they were both with me, woken multiple times a night, both clamouring and needing my attention constantly … no, I didn’t enjoy that. And I don’t like being told I’ll miss it.

I completely could agree with this before however now my son has started secondary and my daughter is 7 and her own little person really (and bloody hard work) I’m sad that they won’t be my children forever and live with me forever 😂 my husband can’t wait till they all leave but I’m so sad. He keeps saying my son is going to be leaving in 6 years and Im devastated.

Someone once really upset me saying something like this. I was having a really rough time with my 18 month old, who had gone down for a nap and my husband had stayed in the house so I could go on a little walk to clear my head. Our neighbours who lived down the road, who had two teenagers, and regularly go on a two hour dog walk without the children, told me that it only gets harder, and that I was really lucky and should cherish this age.

I nearly cried on the way home, They regularly went out for two hour walks and I couldn’t even have a cup of tea, or sit down at that stage with my teething 18 month old.

I wanted to punch them in the face. But instead, I smiled sweetly and walked on. Sometimes I found it a bit gaslighting if you’re having a difficult time and people just basically tell you to shut up and enjoy it. Child currently age 4 and I look back and thing god that was hard!

Cant wait u til he’s at an age when I can leave him in the house and pop to the shops. Or have a conversation that doesn’t end in a tantrum.

Yes I do think it’s thoughtless to tell someone that it gets harder and to cherish it, it’s like telling someone who is wound up to ‘relax’.

mine haven't been harder as they’ve gotten older at all and my teen is mostly brilliant.

I’m with you, my children are now 15 and 16 years. I would NOT go back, I don’t wish too! I’ve done that and I don’t miss it now! People said it me ALL THE TIME, they were wrong! Of course I remember the good times and look at photos and have happy memories, but, I also remember how hard it all was. I have my independence now, they don’t need me in the same way and I do not wish to go back to the time I had to argue about a bloody cup colour or who gets to sit nearest to me while I’m on the loo! I do not miss it! Someone once told me I would miss the mess and washing 🤣

its a lonely tedious time, I do not look back and miss or wish I could go back!

Neither did mine.

I think this sums up how I’ve felt for most of the past four years!

I found it so tough first time round. I longed and longed for him to be older and less dependant. There's a big age gap between him and younger child. It was tough again but also easier as I knew it would pass and that I'd never have another baby so I sort of mired myself in it. But it was still hard work and I rejoiced when we could stay doing stuff like days out with no one running off and long haul holidays etc.

Even so youngest has just started secondary (and suddenly seems very grown up) and older one us last year of uni and I am having unexpected surges of how cute they were as babies and a bit overwhelmed and enotional that that time is gone forever.

Youngest has been a bit of a weekend sidekick for me the last few years and I've loved us going out and having adventures together. I suggested some things today as H is taking son back to uni but she's already arranged to go cycling with friends. I'm really happy and proud that she has friends and interests outside the home and family, absolutely as it should be, but it seems to have happened all of a sudden and I wasn't quite ready for it!

I sometimes miss my children being little. I really enjoyed the baby and toddler stages. I love who they are as adults now though. They are just really great people 😍 A few bumps in the middle but all turned out well in the end!

Not factual in the slightest. Just because yours did, doesn’t mean all newborns do.

My first did not nor did my third. The second slept longer but he didn’t just sleep. All three of mine were alert from birth. I’m still waiting for DC3 to sleep through the night, but none of mine did until after they turned 2.

I hate it too OP. Absolutely hate the newborn stage. There’s not a single aspect to it I enjoy. DD1 just turned 3 and everything is so much easier and nicer… and what have we done? Immediately gone and had another newborn 🫠

Just gotta get through this year and then hopefully things will be better again.

Definitely, I agree with you. My sons are now 10 and 12 and I love it. They both walk to and from school independently, they can make food for themselves - just a sandwich or something simple, but they don’t need me to do everything little thing for them now. They entertain themselves, being two boys they’re company for each other. They wash the dishes, take out the rubbish, bring in the washing etc. I’m recovering from breast cancer and they are so good and helpful. There’s no way I could have coped with my illness when they were little. I have a good husband and my parents are also here to help. So yes, when they were little it was very stressful, definitely enjoying them at this age now. Plus my 12 year old is nearly 6ft tall! And strong, so he helps my husband with the DIY and heavy lifting.

My second hardly slept, one particularly bad day saw only 30 minutes in 24 hours. She would do between two and four 20 minute stints of an evening and has never napped during the day in her whole 9 years of life. She also refused bottles and screamed bloody murder if anyone other than me held her and this was all for a good six months. She was five years old before she slept through the night.

Obviously this led to me having quite severe PND and to top of all off my three year old at the time was very ill and going through loads and loads of tests to find out what was wrong with him so it was a very stressful time. I certainly dont look back on those days with any kind of nostalgia.

There's definitely a tendency to romanticise the early years. At one point, we had a threenager and a teenager at once, and when I expressed frustration with my 3 yo parents of teens were always quick to tell me that teens were harder, forgetting that we had one.

Teenage SD is/was a bit moody, sometimes slams a door, rolls her eyes a lot, has wild expectations of the rich and exciting lifestyle she believes will be handed to her, reacts with fury to any suggestion she might participate in cleaning up after herself, and is more interested in her phone that people actually in front of her. All quite frustrating (she also has many excellent qualities but those are the challenging ones).

She does not fling herself down in the aisle of a supermarket and refuse to move, scream for entire car journeys because she didn't get the toy she wanted, pee/poo herself from time to time for no particular reason, claim to be hungry every 30 second all afternoon but then refuse to even taste her dinner, routinely get up demanding breakfast at 4am, refuse to walk but also fight being in a pushchair and end up diving headfirst out of it, or get into a battle of wills about whether a tutu, one sock, and a pyjama top is appropriate to wear to the park in winter. THAT was hard, and I am very, very grateful that we've now passed that stage and have a sassy 5 yo.

I occasionally look at baby photos and feel nostalgic but then I look at pictures of SD at 7/8/9 and remember how actually lovely those years were and all the things we could do together, the full nights of sleep and occasional hours where she occupied herself, and look forward to DD shedding the last of her toddler phase.

Yes, at least when my teen is being a bit petulant or entitled, I’ve had more sleep than I had when she was a toddler screaming face down on the floor in the street, supermarket etc!

I don’t like babies, much preferred toddlers and would rather have root canal work than spend time in the company of girls aged 8 to 12.

i loved my own children, obvs.

Come back in 15 years and tell us if you feel differently.

My step mum is sooooo sentimental about the early years, and also primary years, which is where my kids are now. I am infuriated by it. She had one child 50% of the time, a child a decade younger than me. I can remember my step mum being absolutely sick of her life when my step-sister was around 8 and an major, hyper pain-in-the arse. Yet now I have these two kids (8 and 5) she's cloyingly romantic about every detail, every 'special moment', and she goes crazy with the tat buying and activities. She can't understand why I wouldn't want to drive 45 minutes for an hour-long llama walk, for example, on a Saturday after spending all week at work... driving 45 minutes each way to get there... I love my step-mum and I DO appreciate her interest in my kids, but sometimes she has a very selective memory.

Quite a few people on here have confirmed they don’t feel differently and don’t miss the early years. Are they just really stupid as well?

I agree op. The early years was a ball ache for me. I loved being a mother more as they were teenagers onwards. They’re young adults now and we have such good times together.