AIBU for taking being dumped like a champ?

[Cantgetausername87]

Posted here for traffic and maybe to get some support/ have a laugh and a bit of a chat.
Been seeing this guy for 6months ... seemed to be going well and then he hit me with "I'm just not emotionally invested anymore." It was a weekend thing but I was actually quite happy.
All I said back was OK you've made your mind up and it was nice to meet you, see you around!
Pretty gutted to be honest. AIBU to front it the fuck out, and avoid blocking him to just have an air of indifference, so as to not inflate his ego.
Seeing as it's literally outta the blue I can only imagine he's seeing someone else.
Wise mumsnetters what to do?!

Because by telling her “I'm just not emotionally invested anymore” he’s inviting her to do the pick me dance and get him invested again and inflate his ego.

OP’s response was perfect.

I'm glad you decided to block him, OP. I think men always see 'not-blocked' as an invitation to come back whenever they feel like an ego-stroke or a shag, and mentally, as you say, it is so much better for you too.

I just LOVE your comment!

Especially your husband’s reaction when you wished him and his affair partner well! You took back the power so well done you.

I once told my partner that if he ever had an affair that would be an immediate end to our relationship. He got sulky because he thought I should be prepared to fight for him! No way on God’s earth was that ever going to happen and I told him so.

My ex, after dating for a year, travelled across the city without telling me on a weekend morning, knocked on my door at 9am, to declare that he wasn't in love with me and was breaking up with me.

I made him stay the whole day, talk it out, and eventually drink a bottle of wine with me in the afternoon. Cringe. What I wish I'd done is said OK thanks and shut the door.

I then went out with friends to further drown sorrows and spend the evening looking at other people thinking but a) what is wrong with me and b) how are these people happily single.

About a week later he regretted his decision (aka probably fancied some sex) and said it was like a spaceship (?!) coming across the sky that he had realised maybe it was a rash decision.

I won't go into the rest but we have been blocked to each other on social media for fifteen years, bar about three contacts which have never gone well, and this way it shall stay!

It's brutal being dumped but (cringe) also something to learn a lot from - I'd always be friends with someone first now.

Exactly.

That’s exactly how you should take a dumping. Unfazed and unbothered would have been my approach too.

It’s because men pop back up every single time. Best to close the door so that they can’t treat you like a revolving door.

Exactly! 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

Maybe he was just relieved that she responded like a mature adult and didn't come at him with tears and a need for closure? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I mean, no one is beholden to stay with someone forever. Yes, we were married, but he found someone who evidently made him happier.

He kept saying, “so you won’t even try to fight for me and our marriage” which was very confusing as he was the one who found someone else! I said no, why would I? If you loved me, you wouldn’t have wanted to be with her. There must be something you find better with her, so go and be happy! I felt bad for her that he would say that to me as well.

Life is too short to be miserable. And actually, they have been married for 12 years now and they are a far better match than we ever were. She’s a fantastic step mother to our son who is now in his early 20s, so it all worked out well. We all get on now and we all get together from time to time with my now dh and our children.

Everyone expected me to hate them, but why? I’m not wasting a second of my life making myself miserable and he met someone who made him happier.

This so rings true - and its any guy who is baffled by this.

I once saw a guy three times, I had decided it was a no because he had bad breath and drank too much at the weekends so was a depressive on a Monday morning (no time or sympathy for that as I don't drink). We were arranging to meet - it was his turn if you like to come my way but getting him to do that was like blood from a stone. He just wouldn't do it. I stood my ground and he did. I knew it was 'the chat' as I sensed that from him too. Was really awkward, in a busy pub, pretending to chat normally, then he kissed me and I just must have shown a degree of flinch. He then said I don't want children, and I said I definitely do.

So that was the reason we ended it, but he kept saying how disappointed he was, and I had to sort of go along with it. I tried not to but he wouldn't let it go, so eventually I just had to agree with him and let him think he was dumping me. Not my finest moment.

Younger me would go on a Rebound or revenge shag. Best revenge is your success for you.

But, they don't.

They really, really don't.

It was perfect. But hardly noteworthy.

Her response was surely not unusual?

I'd imagine that is how the vast majority of people would respond?

And he might actually have been relieved she didn't cry and wail and beg him...

Well done OP! Beware though, he might be puzzled by your seeming indifference and at some time come back knocking. That’s been my experience anyway.

I was in a long term relationship and in the last few months could feel him subtly pulling away. He denied anything was wrong but when you know, you know. I decided that if he did pull the plug (I didn’t have the courage to do it myself) then I’d do the same as you. Sure enough about a month later we went out for breakfast and out it came, he wasn’t sure he was ‘feeling the connection, it’s not you, it’s me’ blah blah. I’m so glad I was prepared and said something like, ‘yes, I’ve felt that drifting too so I’m glad you’ve pulled the plaster off’. There was no bargaining or emotion and even when he walked me to my car and asked for a goodbye hug, I said ‘I’m ok, thank you. Best to just leave it’.

It turned out he had met someone else (hence the ‘drifting’) and I think he was expecting I’d fight for him but I was never going to play ‘pick me’.

It actually took me a long time to get over it and about 6 months later, up he pops with the old ‘I made a terrible mistake’ thing. By that point I was just about strong enough to not be lured back in and it’s been years now - years which would have been miserable if we’d stayed together.

Well done you. You bossed it.

WRT to blocking, surely the contact details can just be deleted ?

Well done OP. I think you handled it perfectly.
If neither of you had declared love or exclusivity and it was a weekend thing as you put it. Then probably in reality, you weren't that invested either.
I have a couple of exes, like that, we dated for a bit, weren't ultimately going to get married and have kids together as neither of us were that invested, so the relationahip ended. And we still occassionally say Hi if we cross paths or like the same post on social or post a big life event, like having a baby and congratulate the other person. No animosity, all good.
Getting dumped stings and hurts your ego, but if you aren't going to run off into the sunset together then it's better that someone has the courage to say it out loud and you can both move on.

I dropped someone once who wasn't right for me, I had absolutely no intention of contacting him again. As soon as I sent the last (polite) text he responded basically saying fine no problem then his profile photo instantly disappeared aka he'd blocked me. I burst out laughing and just thought he was a twat! Unless someone is harassing you blocking is so pathetic. On the other hand when someone decided I wasn't for him I just said no problem and didn't block him. And guess what? There was no harassment or second thoughts. He never felt the need to contact me again.

Yes!!

Apparently the best/worst thing you can do is act neutral with a break up.

I’ve heard men say that when women act sad or angry it’s because they care (which I agree with) and that means they haven’t lost them for good. But when a woman doesn’t act like this, then it almost makes them panic and want to save the relationship - and then you get to turn around and be like hell no.

There was a thread about a month relationship but he was already controlling.
He texted her saying it was over, and she replied that it was a good idea - which he hated because he was hoping she would beg for him back etc.

Handled perfectly 👌 him for being direct and honest and you for being dignified and mature.

I think blocking and deleting is absolutely fine at the end of a short relationship when you have no need / wish to stay in touch. It stops them looking at your social media to see what you're up to and removes the temptation to check and see what they are up to. It's not dramatic or a big flounce (like it would be with someone you have been friends with for years or have mutual friends or family) just an online shrug that says you no longer want to be in the loop.

Blocking closes all door and is better for moving on.

I'm confident he would try and get back so want to close all avenues. I think he's a fan of a "u up?" Message and I really don't need that in my life.
I've decided that blocking isn't some loud dramatic protest - and if he thinks I'm a twat for that, I'm OK with that, I'm sure he'd think I was more of a twat with a drunken text/ call 😂😂😂

I think you’ve done the right thing. Blocking ensures someone doesn’t have access to you anymore. It’s over so why should they?

Block him. He might try to get you back when the woman he's currently seeing dumps him.

My rule of thumb in these situations is to do what suits or serves me. Whether you block him or don’t, what he thinks about it is immaterial. Just do what works for you.

I'm really impressed with your attitude to be honest. No beating yourself up, no trying to understand what you "did wrong"or figure out how you are somehow "lacking" (you can tell i took my own breakups hard, can't you). 😮‍💨
All power to you. His loss.