To not allow any more nappies on my 3yo?

[rose88xx]

My DS is 3 but young for his year group (summer birthday) and is not yet potty trained. We had started to make some progress before my DD (8mo) came along, but I was advised by my health visitor not to push it in case he associated it with my daughter and it caused any resentment (she has nappies why can’t I etc). Anyway we waited for a few months and then continued, fairly softly approach with lots of offering the potty and encouragement. At this point he is entirely aware of what he is doing, capable of ‘holding it’ etc, and we have had periods where the potty or toilet was used almost exclusively for a day or two. But recently he has gone totally backward. I get the impression the novelty has worn off and he prefers the convenience of nappies. I think he is the last child in his nursery group and friends in nappies, and a lot of the others have been out of them for up to a year or more.
Anyway my AIBU is that tonight I totally lost my temper with him over this. We had gone to the park after nursery pick up and he had obviously done a no2 at some point without me noticing when he was playing. I realised when we were leaving due to smell and some leakage on his trousers. Also important to note he gets awful nappy rash, has very sensitive skin. I have told him over and over to tell me when he has a dirty nappy so I can change it quickly and he won’t get sore, and of course stressed that he won’t get a sore bum anymore if he uses the potty. We got home from the park and as soon as I started to change him he was screaming bloody murder over his sore bum. It gets so bad he can’t even wash because of the water. Anyway, I basically lost my temper and shouted ‘shut up, this is your fault for not telling me when you needed your nappy changed’ and I said ‘no more nappies after this!’ And I put pants on him. Of course i know I shouldn’t have lost my temper, it is the worse thing I have ever said or done to him and I feel awful. but it is so frustrating knowing he is capable but choosing not to use the potty and hurting himself as a result!. So my AIBU is- will it be damaging or cause negative associations if we take a cold turkey approach now and don’t allow any more nappies? I don’t want to risk him regressing if I’ve totally traumatised him, and create negative associations. All advice welcome thanks!

You might not understand poo withholding but it can quickly turn very serious, and cause further stress and anxiety on top of illness and can also lead to encopresis.

My DS withholds poo. It's one of the big challenges we are having. He's 6 and we have been trying to potty train since he was 18 months old. I've been on every webinar, had so many phone calls to ERIC, had the HV visit us every week, had the SCI team involved to work out ways to help DS communicate he needs to go, even speech and language have been involved because his speech has developed but he isnt communicating his needs.

The need to go can cause so much fear.

We've been in hospital before due to severe constipation from withholding and they thought he had perforated his bowel because of the presence of blood.

My DS is disabled, but you don't have to be disabled to be a poo withholder!

The advice from ERIC is that if they're withholding poo you put them back in their nappies because it stalls their progress when they're in pain and uncomfortable.

Try and use a bit of common sense here. Not all three year olds are capable and ready. Some walk and talk before others and some will be ready to potty train earlier too. You cannot generalise and say this should be the case for all three year olds, that’s ridiculous.

Anyone can start training at 2 or younger. Whether it’ll work is a different story. And choosing to wait a bit longer to make it easier on everyone involved do doesn’t make you a lesser parent.

That's not accurate at all and never was, the night training specifically. Being dry at night is down to a hormone different kids develop at different ages. Both mine were dry dat and night at 2.5, because they clearly had gotten to that point because once the day time training was set they properly recognized the urge to go it would wake them. That doesn't happen until older for some kids. Completely ordinary not to be dry at night until 7+. In the 80s my brother went the bed until end of primary school.of 6 cousins of my kids generation all but 2 were bed wetters until primary school age. Despite day training early.

3 year olds without additional needs are capable of learning to use the toilet during the day, pre disposal nappies. DC were trained much younger.
Very few 3 year olds in cloth nappies.
Because most parents leave it until they're 3, it's usually learned quicker.