To think working parents get more workplace sympathy than single, childfree staff who are expected to pick up the slack?

[PlainTealCrow]

Parents get flexibility and understanding when life is hard. Childfree staff? Expected to stay late and cover gaps. AIBU to think this double standard is rarely acknowledged?

The thing is when you have kids (and I don’t yet) there are certain things beyond your control and you do have a responsibility towards them.

You can’t leave a small child at home so they need childcare, but your childcare shuts at 6pm and hits you with a massive fine if you are late; maybe your child has thrown up at nursery, you obviously can’t leave them there so you have to leave work to go and get them. Childcare providers are varied in hours and flexibility and in some areas there are limited options so it’s not as simple as “just find something that is open longer”, it may simply not exist.

Being a parent, although most people do it because they WANT children and that’s it, is a social responsibility. We need people to have children to continue society. So therefore we need to make like easier for parents.

This doesn’t mean you can take the piss and at my work you are still expected to get your tasks done. But if you need a bit of flex to accommodate your family then that’s fine, and as a child free person I am happy to give it to you. This doesn’t mean I am doing more than my allotted share, it just means that sometimes we have to be kind to other people - and when I wanted to go with my husband to a hospital appointment in the middle of the day that he theoretically could have gone to alone, nobody minded that either.

Define "when life is hard".

When ds had chickenpox when he was 1 it would have been unreasonable for me to take him to his childminder and spread it. Ditto when he was vomiting, so yes, I had to take a day off and my colleagues had to cover my classes or supply had to be called in.

Same if my child free colleagues had to be off because of illness, so swings and roundabouts.

In fact, I have a childfree colleague now, who is often off for medical reasons, as well as two instances of bereavement, so all legitimate.

Her request for wfh once a week has been approved as well as taking annual leave during term time. If that isn't beimg sympathetic and offering her flexibility, then what is? She's excellent at her job and I know she puts the hours in, so no resentment from me or others at all.

The irony in my case is that I lost a pregnancy after being punched in the stomach by someone else's child. (I've told the story elsewhere on these boards.)

I was a teacher for 40 years, doing "the hard work" of educating other people's children whilst having none of my own.

I've been trying not to come back to this thread, but I'll add this. I've referred above to the accommodations given to parents when none were given to carers.

I've seen at least one poster commenting that being a parent is really difficult, so accommodations are warranted.

You never know what life is going to throw at you. There will likely be times in life when everyone needs a form of accommodation. Unless - God forbid - a child is born with or acquires a disability, the expectation is that children become more independent as they grow older.

If you find yourself becoming a carer, then life simply becomes harder as time progresses and you and the person[s] you care for become older.

I was 36 when my mother sustained her first spinal fractures courtesy of osteoporosis. She and my dad lived independently for a good while, but needed a lot of input from me. I was 49 when my husband needed his triple bypass and 51 when he had his stroke.

I've mentioned a case above where I was forbidden from giving a mother of 4 period 1 classes because she had to get her children up and to primary school in the morning. (Incredibly, there was also pressure put on me to do reports and parents' evenings for her. Looking back, I can scarcely believe it. I point blank refused to do the reports. I agreed to fit in some parental interviews in any spaces that I had on parents' evenings.)

This was at a time when I was helping my mum's carer to get her up each morning and then getting my husband up and fed before leaving for work.

My mum and my husband became weaker as time progressed. Mum died when I was 55. When I was 58, I finally gave up my job. I had cut to a 4 day week, but was getting the same amount of work for less money and found myself staying on to 7.30 one Thursday night to clear my admin work. Got home and DH had scalded himself making coffee.

I was refused a job share and quit completely. At that time in my LA, a parent had rights with regard to job shares. (That was one of the reasons that they were falling over themselves to accommodate the mother of 4 - she'd initially been refused the hours that she wanted and had complained.)

However, there were all the unwritten accommodations as well - the time off for nativity plays and so on.

I don't really begrudge those, but - as I've said - there are times in life where everyone needs a bit of help.

ETA As I think I mentioned previously, the father of the 4 children was on the SLT in another school. I find it bewildering that 2 adults with a very good income (based on the father's wage) had difficulty in organising wrap-around care for their children).