To be really sad at the way my 17 year old DD was treated when she broke down at a roundabout

[Greyhoundmad83]

My DD passed her driving test 2 weeks ago. She's driving my car around on the days I work from home.

Anyway, at rush hour after sixth form, she broke down on a busy roundabout in the middle of the city (the clutch had gone).

She put her emergency lights on and called me. It was very obvious she had broken down. Honestly I was so shocked to hear the beeping, people shouting at her and she said other were laughing as they went past too.

My daughter isn't excessively sensitive, but she was really shaken up.... not by the clutch going, but at the anger people had towards her for breaking down. There are several lanes of traffic, so people could get around her.

Thankfully an older man eventually stopped and managed to get the car into gear and down a side road until I got to her and Greenflag arrived to take it to a garage. I'm so grateful to this guy who had a daughter similar age.

AIBU to be disgusted at the way people treated her? I feel like society has got worse!

Society really is going to the dogs 😔

When did so many people lose their patience and empathy?

Oh dear, this is upsetting to read, I can’t imagine how it feels to actually be in the situation.

I wonder why people beep / laugh / call other names etc in these situations? Genuinely I don’t get it. Is it to do with feeling invincible because they are in a car?

It’s nothing new, people were horrible to me when I fell off my bike in the rush hour in Cambridge 30 years ago.

It does feel like people are becoming more selfish and impatient but it’s probably always been this way 😔

Why anyone would want to hurl abuse at someone who has had an accident or broken down I do not know.

I had a very serious accident about 15 years ago. My car skidded on ice, I lost control and the car flipped over a few times, thankfully no other cars were around.

People stopped to help me, a minibus driver gave me a blanket, a couple of men stopped and swept the road of glass. Someone must have called the emergency services, I was in shock.

Police were very kind too and drove me home.

Doesn't surprise me at all, when we broke down on the motorway a few months ago a man shouted c**t to DS 16 when I was dealing with the AA. Yes, we'd caused a bit of a delay, but it was clearly not intentional and absolutely not my sons fault.

So sorry that this has happened to your DD. 😞

Thank you SO much everyone and I'm so sorry that so many people have experienced similar.

I'm really hoping this doesn't blow her confidence. She's gone to sixth form on the train today but that's more to do with a lack of car!

I broke down on a corner of narrow road not ideal but my car wouldn't move at all.
Most people were patient and checked I was ok. The exception was one man who berated me for stopping on a corner -not my choice, "faffing on my phone" - I was on the phone with my breakdown company trying to get out to recover me and for having an electric car - I did not and the car was 12 years old so from an era where electric cars weren't mainstream

I'm sorry your daughter had such a crappy experience. Unfortunately, it seems to be common that many have less tolerance, and frankly, anger issues.
My DD is learning to drive, test due shortly. She is a good driver. Not hesitant, doesn't crawl along massively under the speed limit, stall (automatic car) or do anything warranting some of the behaviour she has encountered during lessons, both with her instructor and with me. Her instructor has chatted with me about this, and said she has shitty behaviour from other drivers towards her learners daily. The majority are obviously patient and understanding, but we've had tailgating, dangerous overtakes and someone actually gave her the finger once....because HE had to brake for a bicycle! Not anything remotely to do with DD who was in another lane entirely and driving perfectly. I often wonder if these people have kids who will be learning to drive one day, and how they would react if someone did that to their child.
I actually witnessed someone in a car park the other day making life deliberately difficult for a learner attempting a reverse park. So weird. Smirking away in his car while the instructor had to tell the driver to move off and try in another space.
I agree with concentrating on the one decent person who helped. There ARE good people out there.

Except virtually all the people giving her abuse would have been men

As a relatively inexperienced driver (decades ago) I had a minor accident - I bumped into the rear of the person in front in slow-moving traffic. No serious harm done, but enough to cause a bit of a dent. While we were sorting things out, swapping insurance details etc, cars had to pass us, and did so in a steady stream. A huge number of those drivers took the time to jeer, or make some vile comment, or sarcastically offer "advice" such as "drive safely in future" - it was a really horrible experience. I'm not sure the mean ones were a minority, when most of the cars passing had a driver willing to take the trouble to be actively nasty rather than just driving by with no comment. OP's daughter having a similar experience doesn't suggest there has been much change.

Agree that this isn’t new. I broke down on a busy roundabout years back. To make things worse, I was on my way to my husband who had collapsed at work. I put on blinkers etc but on my own could do nothing more as I was in the middle of several lanes of traffic. Then knights on a white charger tunred up. Well, 4 guys in a white van who piled out, advised all the drivers beeping at me to F off and got my car safely to the side of the road.
There are good people out there and your daughter found one.

Honestly, i'm with you here on that

a few months back there was a very elderly man trying to push a mini clubman down the road as it was his daughters car and he had run out of petrol, everyone was just driving passed, I was the only one that got out, he jumped in the car to steer and I pushed it for about 1/4 mile so he could get it off the road and not one person stopped to help - bearing in mind i'm 5ft 3, it was a heavy car, I thought I was going to pass out

there was another one where an elderly couple again had come up the slip road off the motorway and the had a large wooden wardrobe in the back of their berlingo and it had fell out on the road, not one person stopped, I seen it from the other side of the roundabout and made a point of driving round, parking up behind them with the hazards on and me and my son lifted it back into the car for them and secured it

I also stopped and helped an old guy who had stopped in the middle of a roundabout - turned out he was about to have a seizure and I couldn't move the car, not one person helped, i sat with him on the phone to the ambulance whilst he had a massive seizure still sat in the drivers seat and waited until the ambulance and his wife turned up - not one person stopped to help!

People just don't seem to care

What a big, hard man, threatening a small, young female. 😡 Your poor daughter. So many aggressive arseholes in the world. ☹️

Your poor daughter. Hope she’s ok.

This kind of behaviour baffles me. I mean, what’s the point? Other than the opportunity to be a wanker.

We came across a driver broken down at some traffic lights a couple of weeks ago. Poor bloke was trying to push his massive truck out of the way. Us, and one other driver stopped. Everyone else drove past hooting, shouting and swearing out their windows,

The traffic lights had 2 lanes so it’s not like he was blocking a junction or anything.

Anyway, DH and the other driver helped push his truck out of the way of the traffic and it turned out he’d stalled and couldn’t get it started again. We had a jump pack in our car so got him started and off on his way. Whole thing took less than 15 minutes.

I’m not suggesting that everyone should stop and help, but why be a knob as you drive past?

Remind your daughter that those abusing her instead of helping say more about them than her. Cars break down it's just one of those things.

It's not her age though, I broke down at a right hand turn. Electronic handbrake stuck, I got through to the breakdown company, a policeman arrived and was giving me grief as was the other drivers. I got load of offers for it to be pushed out of the way but you can't push a car with it's handbrake stuck on

Many years ago when I broke down on Hyde park corner. Within minutes people were coming out of the offices with boiled kettles to help top up the radiator and push the car to a safer place.

Totally different responses 30 years apart.

I had similar around 30 years ago, aged 19. I broke down in the middle of a big junction, just after midnight. People were beeping and sticking their fingers up at me, the traffic lights cycled through a few times before someone finally helped me - and it was 2 ladies in their 60’s walking home from bingo who crossed over to me and offered to help as best as they could, then a young guy on a bike saw us and came over. We managed to get the car off the junction and then they kindly took me to one of their houses so I could phone my dad!

This happened to me when I was about 10, very late 80s and not a nice area of London., I fell off my bike at speed outside a pub frequented by many fans from a football club that was known to attract aggressive supporters and they just burst out laughing at a child- I was covered in blood and all they could do was laugh.

OP, I think that would definitely upset me as I have a DD and you'd like to think people on a whole were decent not just the one person but perhaps better to think the bottle was half full like others have said on this thread and at least one person did help in the end.

It's hard to tell if things have got worse as in the last I had differing experiences that were good and bad. In the very late 90s I was coming home from college in a car and broke down in a rural area with a flat tyre, this young man pulled over and changed it for me. Equally, I went to uni in Bristol broke down on an A road and a man pulled over to see if he could help as it was dark and very stormy but I'd called the AA so he stayed until they arrived and then went on his way.

In contrast, I was in a bad crash at 17 and the car spinned around and around, my door was completely destroyed and the right side of my body was injured by the door smashing into me. I was taken away in an ambulance but whilst I waited, an off duty Fire man came to help and to reassure me that I was going to be ok etc. However, whilst he said this to me, I saw him turn around and shout at some people for filming the whole thing. They had actually got a proper cam corder as late 90s and were filming it over their garden fence. So I'm not sure whether things have got worse or not. Chivalry is certainly dead and I think in my first two examples that was probably why they helped, I think it was more expected of some men then but the off duty fireman I assume would have been because he was trained in that kind of scenario. I have to say though, I think chivalry being dead is not really a bad thing as it broke down barriers for women but in my examples I think it was those societal expectations encouraging that help.

Yeah people are shit they really are

As if she's done it on purpose!

Some people turn into complete animals when they sit behind a wheel.
Disgraceful.

Ooh I'll tell you my story OP. This is back in the 90s when I was 17.

I was driving my mum's old car and it stalled on a busy uphill road and wouldn't restart.

A police car happened to come past and the young policeman got out and said to me "You can't stop here". I said "sorry, I know, but my car won't start". He said "well you can't stop here - if it won't start then maybe you can flag someone down to help you push it out of the way". Then he drove off 😮😮😮

I was too shocked to say anything else but I was thinking, thanks a million, young fit able bodied policeman! Surely if you wanted me to move that badly then YOU could have helped me push the car!!!

Anyway, glad your DD is okay and that one man helped her.

Obviously, no one should ever be shouting abuse etc. But with that one it probably was a more reasonable assumption that he had parked badly and inconsiderately than that he was covering a hidden pit!

I suspect people didn't realise that OP's daughter literally couldn't move the car at all - this is fairly unusual, most breakdowns you do either have some ability to move it to a safer place or a little warning to be able to get over to the side etc. The fact she was then on the phone probably added to the impression that she had somehow chosen to stop. Which, again, doesn't justify people screaming abuse etc - but the fact is that you DO get people who drive/park so badly that they obstruct other people and don't care (see 'if I've got my hazards on then no parking restrictions apply to me' drivers), and people then jump to assumptions. I'm sure there was also an element of ageism/sexism (particularly if she had P plates on?) - that drivers thought it was more likely that she was doing something stupid than that she had no choice because she's a young women who is fairly obvious a new driver.

I’ve seen plenty of road rage from women.

I think people who lack kindness, courtesy and concern are what I'd term spiritual juveniles, infants even. They're a long, long way from attaining the empathy that a well rounded human being has. They're pitiable, really. The people and their daughters/relatives etc. on this thread are so much better than them.

She passed her test 2 weeks ago, so she should not have been displaying L plates.