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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really sad at the way my 17 year old DD was treated when she broke down at a roundabout

131 replies

Greyhoundmad83 · 19/09/2025 10:57

My DD passed her driving test 2 weeks ago. She's driving my car around on the days I work from home.

Anyway, at rush hour after sixth form, she broke down on a busy roundabout in the middle of the city (the clutch had gone).

She put her emergency lights on and called me. It was very obvious she had broken down. Honestly I was so shocked to hear the beeping, people shouting at her and she said other were laughing as they went past too.

My daughter isn't excessively sensitive, but she was really shaken up.... not by the clutch going, but at the anger people had towards her for breaking down. There are several lanes of traffic, so people could get around her.

Thankfully an older man eventually stopped and managed to get the car into gear and down a side road until I got to her and Greenflag arrived to take it to a garage. I'm so grateful to this guy who had a daughter similar age.

AIBU to be disgusted at the way people treated her? I feel like society has got worse!

OP posts:

Bladderpool · 19/09/2025 11:00

Try and focus on the decent person who helped. On any given day, most people will have 100 pleasant interactions but they’ll focus on one negative one and go on about it for years. It’s human nature unfortunately but there are more good people than bad.

Owly11 · 19/09/2025 11:00

That is very depressing. I am so sorry your daughter went through that.

Allmarbleslost · 19/09/2025 11:01

I'm on the roads a lot and unfortunately the majority of drivers seem to get more selfish by the day. I hope it won't put your dd off driving in the future

ishimbob · 19/09/2025 11:01

I had exactly this experience at the same age. Right down to the nice older man who helped me.

It was horrid!

user1471538275 · 19/09/2025 11:03

Your poor daughter. On a roundabout is an awful place for it to happen and I think many of us would feel massively stressed and upset about the beeping etc.

Agree that focusing on the person who helped her and reinforcing that she did the right thing in the situation - put her hazards on etc, called for help.

Dramatic · 19/09/2025 11:05

A car once crashed in to me on a mini roundabout, both cars were totalled. We. Both of us drivers were in shock and sat staring at each other for about a minute before either of us even attempted to get out of the car. While this was happening the car behind me beeped, then pulled up alongside and shouted "are you just gonna sit in there all day?" Laughed and drove off. I just don't understand how anyone can be so cold towards someone else. I'm sorry your daughter went through that, there's just no need.

Oreosareawful · 19/09/2025 11:06

I had an accident at 18 years old and blocked one lane of traffic. The abuse I received made me more upset than the fact I bumped my car for the first time. People can be horrible and i've never forgotten it.
Tell your daughter to try not to take it to heart x

Tourmalines · 19/09/2025 11:07

Hard lesson for your DD unfortunately that the world has its share of arseholes .

MinnieBaldock · 19/09/2025 11:07

I know some drivers think they are the only ones who should be on the road. I've broken down on the motorway and that was horrible , it's enough to put you off driving.
That man was really nice and I hope your daughters confidence is OK.

Hyasinth · 19/09/2025 11:09

Concentrate on the man who helped her. And just remember that large sections of the population sometimes behave like idiots.

Get her signed up for a car maintenance course so she will be better able to help herself if anything similar occurs in the future: changing a tyre etc. She will probably never need to do it but it really boosts confidence if you are a woman driving on your own.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 19/09/2025 11:14

It’s horrible when people behave like that.

I remember hitting a pot hole and destroying my tyre not long after I’d passed - I managed to get my car into a passing place before ringing for help and I got so much grief for parking there even though I had my hazards on and had clearly broken down - I’m not sure where else they expected me to go?!

Salvadoridory · 19/09/2025 11:15

My clutch went in the early 90s on a hairpin bend and nobody stopped but traffic was crawling past as it always is there. My friend spotted a vicar passing us and walked alongside his slow moving vehicle singing cross over the road My friend, ask the lord his strength to lend (iykyk), it was brilliant. I find it depressing that people laugh and film. I hope shes ok, nice that the man stopped. X

searchinghere · 19/09/2025 11:15

YANBU people are horrible

Charel2 · 19/09/2025 11:16

Your poor daughter what an awful thing to happen. Some people are just absolute ignorant pigs. I hope she isn't too shook up and well done to the lovely gentleman who helped her.
I once was driving a car on a 4 lane road and the engine just conked out, thankfully I made it across the road to the hard shoulder. Two cars stopped behind me to check that I was alright so there are good people out there but so sorry your daughter had to put up with nasty idiots!

everythinghasgoneup · 19/09/2025 11:16

My DD was hit by a car on a roundabout. The driver subsequently stated he did not know that we give way to the right on roundabouts in the UK. He was a large, aggressive man, she was 17 and (still is) petite. Our car was written off. He got out of the car and tried to open the car doors, threatening to kill her. Only the fact that the doors were buckled stopped him.
The police should have arrested him but they did not.
Fortunately customers from the pub right next to the roundabout ran out and got him away from the car.
Ten years later she still has back pain from the whiplash.
No doubt the individual responsible is still driving around.
I have no doubt that things are much worse now than then.

PashaMinaMio · 19/09/2025 11:17

My daughter broke down on a toll bridge in the rush hour.
It was character building stuff. A learning experience to shut out the abuse from other drivers, concentrate on the job in hand and always, always pay for an annual breakdown service.

I broke down in the fast lane a traffic queue on the M3. Had to be pushed onto the stony central reservation next to the barriers. Traffic queue dispersed, traffic going past me at a zillion miles per hour in a rainstorm in the dark. Eventually Highways closed the M3, pushed me across 3 lanes to the hard shoulder and my breakdown service arrived. That really taught me to drive beside the hard shoulder in traffic queues just in case. Like I say, it’s part of becoming an adult. All character building experiences.

floraldreamer · 19/09/2025 11:20

That's awful OP. I guess concentrate on the man who helped her-maybe everyone else was in a mad rush and a lot of people are so self-centered. I don't think this is a new thing contrary to popular belief, my Mum will tell stories of arseholes as did my grandparents.

I broke down in a dodgy town centre recently (something to do with a faulty petrol feed) at night, right on a junction. For several minutes a bus driver was 'beep, BEEEEP' behind me, as if he thought I'd just stopped to put my lipstick on or something?!

I tried signalling to him but it would have been dangerous to exit the car-eventually a very much worse for wear woman came up and said 'he wants you to move' and I told her I'd broken down, and she went to the bus driver and told him and he reversed slightly into a different lane and went on his merry way. I appreciate his job is stressful and he was held up, but I had my hazards on! Why he couldn't do that in the first place I have no idea.

A bunch of very drunk blokes eventually turned up and pushed me into a car parking spot is that legal . I see that as a positive experience rather than focusing on the twatty bus driver (I have a lot of respect for bus drivers, not a job I could ever do, but) surely it was obvious that if I could have got out of his damn way I wouldn't be sitting there with my hazards on not moving at all!

DurinsBane · 19/09/2025 11:24

Greyhoundmad83 · 19/09/2025 10:57

My DD passed her driving test 2 weeks ago. She's driving my car around on the days I work from home.

Anyway, at rush hour after sixth form, she broke down on a busy roundabout in the middle of the city (the clutch had gone).

AIBU to be disgusted at the way people treated her? I feel like society has got worse!

It is because of the ‘warnings’ that went round a few years ago saying that young women are pretending to brake down, and then when someone stops a guy comes out from where he was hiding and robs the good samaritan. I assume that is quite rare though…..
I did stop to offer an elderly couple help a year or so ago, they looked at me like I was trying to scam them or something. They did thank me and say they are ok though once they they realised I wasn’t!

SybTheGeek · 19/09/2025 11:35

So sorry for your daughter. At least she has learned that not everyone is a jerk.

Advice I was given for that sort of situation is to put the bonnet up, even if not required. It makes it clear to other drivers that the blockage is due to a breakdown rather than anything else.

ColdSalads · 19/09/2025 11:37

You can't park there mate.

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 19/09/2025 11:39

The same thing happened to me over 10yrs ago, I was early 30s, obviously broken down, people could get round me but the amount of beeping and abuse I got was shocking and added to an already stressful situation.

vivainsomnia · 19/09/2025 11:45

Your poir daughter. The stress and frustration that comes from being stuck in traffic never justifies taking out on people who have not deliberately caused the problem.

I guess this is the occasion for feminists MNers who see all older men as sexist predators to realise that these horrible men are sometimes the only ones that will show some sympathy and goodwill.

FlumpUp · 19/09/2025 11:45

YANBU. Our car broke down in the middle of a 4 way intersection. Automatic and gears went completely. It was absolutely obvious we couldn't move it. Everything seized.

Family stood by side of road whilst DH and some kind passers by tried to get it in at least neutral to roll it and people were beeping, shouting' calling DH a dickhead and a moron

🥴

MyDeftHedgehog · 19/09/2025 11:46

In the 30 years I have been driving i have observed the standards of driving/road etiquette have fallen to shocking levels. It seems like a free-for-all on the roads now, and dont get me started on traffic lights 😡
Stopping on a red-light seems to be optional these days, I often witness up to 3 cars going through on full red.
Driving on motorways? Forget it !!
I hope your daughter hasnt lost her confidence OP, thank god for the kindness of the guy who helped her x

ParanoidGynodroid · 19/09/2025 11:48

Had the exact same situation last year. Broke down middle of three lanes going onto roundabout. Hazards on.
Most people went around without a glance, some asked if we were OK, some peeped.
Had DD and her boyfriend in the back so we just laughed about it, and boyfriend shouted and made various hand gestures towards the angriest peepers 😏

It was fine, but had I been alone I'd have felt a lot less comfortable, and it was surprising how many (always men, surprise surprise!) looked genuinely angry rather than just irked at the tiny inconvenience.

I hope your DD wasn't too upset by this experience.

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