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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my dad to pay for my wedding dress?

125 replies

LoveMyGirls · 02/06/2008 17:56

I have found the cheapest/ most beautiful dress it's half price (£450 instead of £900) my dad wants me to find cheaper/ hire one.

I have tried everywhere I can think of, not many places hire and if they do it costs more to hire than to buy the one I want.

He hasn't said he won't pay for it but how unreasonable am I being if I insist I want this dress? Should I pay for it myself? (I'm far from rich, I've been with my dp for nearly 7 yrs and he has finally asked me!)

I even went to oxfam today and not only are some of them hideous but they aren't that cheap (£150 - £350) and would need alterations and cleaning.

AIBU?

OP posts:
cyteen · 03/06/2008 14:56

LoveMyGirls, have you considered using Dermablend to cover your tattoo? Apparently it's very effective, and it seems a shame to limit your choices so strictly when there might be a cheaper and more effective solution out there

www.dermablend.co.uk/info.html

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 03/06/2008 15:00

Thanks cyteen, I think i'll give it a try and see how it goes i think i'm imagining it to look awful and for it to hide the tattoo (which is black) it would have to be dark and I'm very light skinned although I will probably have a tan done for the wedding. I have got ages to think about it, not planning on getting married until late 2009.

OP posts:
cyteen · 03/06/2008 15:10

I think you would probably struggle to cover a black tattoo with ordinary make-up, but as far as I know Dermablend is a pro cover type of thing, made to cover up scars and such, so should do a better job. It's worth looking into, I'd say...thinking of you having to turn down beautiful dresses just cos of a mark on your skin makes me sad (damn pregnancy hormones).

cyteen · 03/06/2008 15:10

P.S. I don't work for Dermablend or anything

NotaRealGreenDressThatsCruel · 03/06/2008 15:27

This is lace up at the back and quite high at the front

If you see one you like in a shop and it fits then remember the designer and name and try and buy it cheaper online - do you know what the ones you've liked so far were?

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 03/06/2008 17:06

Aww don't feel sad cyteen - i'm the happiest i've ever been it's like I'm walking on air! The one i liked was a maggie sottero and I looked online but the one I wanted wasn't for sale anywhere and is discontinued.

I'm not as gutted as I thought I would be infact I'm thinking it will be nice to spend a few months trying on wedding dresses, it would have been more sad in a way if I'd got what I wanted first time because that would have been the end and I've got ages until we get married so at least it gives me something to do when I want to be doing wedding type stuff (everything else that needs doing needs other people involved whereas I can go to a wedding dress shop on my own when I have time.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 03/06/2008 17:09

Thansk for looking for me NRGDTC but it's quite fussy and i'm a plain traditional type i think.

this kind of thing but in white and with a higher front oh and loads cheaper

It's a challenge but I'll get something that's just right in the end hopefully cheaper than £450!

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 03/06/2008 17:10

I mentioned about getting one made as I've got quite specific needs/ wants but my mum said i'll regret it if i do, she had her's made and hated it once it was made but had to wear it anyway.

OP posts:
jamila169 · 03/06/2008 17:46

Depends who makes it LMG - if it's the dressmaker down the road, your mum is probably right, but if you can find someone who is either a fantastically good sewer and fitter or who specialises in bridal and evening, you could strike it lucky - I made mine and it was to couture standard, I drafted my own pattern because of bust/height/proportions and skimped on nothing (even made myself a silk corset for underneath) and I was very happy, on the other hand, my SIL had her bridesmaids dresses made by a dressmaker and they were really badly fitted

vwvic · 03/06/2008 18:06

I'm currently about to sell a sample dress that I made when I was running my own business. It's ivory dupion silk, high at the front, and the top is a flexi-boned corset so it has the adjustability you want. Pictures will (hopefully!) be on my profile in a minute.

No pressure, if it's not for you! I used to be a wedding dress designer/maker, so my work is of a high standard, but I've decided to re-train as a secondary teacher, and so I have a little stock left over. Email me on [email protected] if you're interested.

stitch · 03/06/2008 18:12

to the op,
if you have been ith your dp for seven years, then quite frankly i think it is incredibly unreasonable of you to think that your father should contribute even a single penny towards your wedding dress.
the father of the bride paying for the wedding is part of a tradition that you have completly opted out of. iegetting married before you move in , have kids, get a mortgage, etc etc. should your father want to give something to his dd, that is his prerogative. but for youto expect it is unreasonable.

vwvic · 03/06/2008 18:15

I'm struggling to upload a photo to my profile. Look at here for pictures. It's the ivory one with green velvet lacing.

joash · 03/06/2008 18:17

Totally, absolutely unreasonable and childish to expect 'daddy' to bail you out. You're supposed to be an adult. You have a family of your own. Have a bit of bloody pride and pay for it yourself. If you can't afford it, then get a cheaper one.

nkf · 03/06/2008 18:21

Why do you want him to pay for it? Did he offer? I don't really understand the etiquette. Did he say "whatever you want, it's on me." or did he offer a certain amount and you want to spend more?

bubblagirl · 03/06/2008 18:22

i think if he has offered its only fair to say how much were you thinking of contributing and either find a dress at that price or pay the difference but dont be dissapointed if he cant afford to pay for it in full

in all honesty i wouldnt expect my parents to pay as times have changed but if they wanted to contribute something that would be fine

i dont think it makes your dad tight for not paying 450 pound on a dress most people look at money as a big picture 450 is alot that alot can be done with and for those of us who dont have that money to spare would feel they would try to find cheaper ways of doing it

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 03/06/2008 18:22

Respectfully suggest you read at least half the thread.

pookamoo · 03/06/2008 18:24

You can get really brilliant makeup to cover tattoos these days...
just a suggestion!

pookamoo · 03/06/2008 18:27

I'm such a wally I didn't see the next page of posts... dermablend mentioned above sounds like just what you need!

(BTW my mum made my wedding dress and the material wass about £80)

bubblagirl · 03/06/2008 18:27

sorry if that was aimed at me ds not been well didnt have time to read if all sorted my apologies at least i was nice anyway

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 04/06/2008 08:54

vwvic - the dress looks lovely but not right for what I want (i think i'll know when i see it) Thank you anyway.

Stitch - I got pg by accident when i was 16 (too young to get married and if i'd have married the "father" it would have been the biggest mistake of my life) I met dp when dd1 was 2 so unfortunatly getting married and then having children wasn't really an option, sorry we don't all live perfect lives and do things in the right order. Would it have been better for me to have an abortion so I could be married before having my first child I think not, I took responsibility for my actions and have done the best I can with my life. I've made mistakes, I got a stupid tattoo, I'm in debt etc.
I didn't expect my dad to help me I just wondered if I was unreasonable to ask for help as it turns out I went to see my dad last night and he is happy to pay for my wedding dress as he is religious and thinks I have chosen the right person to marry, he wants what any parent wants for their child - to be happy, I haven't done things the "right" way round but I am happy and once we are married we are going to work on being debt free.

OP posts:
olivo · 04/06/2008 09:09

I havent read the whole thread but personally, i think YABU. my dress - 4 years ago- was £100 off the rail in debenhams, had it altered for £20 by a local seamstress and a decorative thing sewn on by a friend.

has your dad offered to pay for it? did you tell him how much about it might be? Maybe see what he'd like to give you and add the rest yourself, if you really want that one.

We paid for our wedding ourselves, despite offers from both sets of parents; regading the dress, i always kept in mind that, while of course i wanted to look gorgeous() I would only wear the dress once.

good luck and have a fantastic wedding.

olivo · 04/06/2008 09:11

Just seen your last post; glad you have sorted this with your dad.
Now, ENJOY

madmuggle · 04/06/2008 19:21

vwvic

Those dresses are fabulous. You are one hell of a dressmaker

bratnav · 04/06/2008 19:35

Lovemygirls-if you can get to a wedding show then you may be able to get a bargain. If you go on the last day they sell the dresses off much more cheaply than usual. Maybe you can look it up and see if there is one near you soon?

givemeabreak · 04/06/2008 22:51

have you tried www.almostnewweddingdresses.com they have some lovely dresses. If you want new perhaps you could spend more and sell dress on website after or you could buy 2nd hand and sell on again. Friend went well over budget spending 2000 on wedding dress. She got 950 for it when selling it after wedding and has told by person she sold it to that they are reselling it bhaicin. Which means they will have had lovely dresss for next to nothing.

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