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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my dad to pay for my wedding dress?

125 replies

LoveMyGirls · 02/06/2008 17:56

I have found the cheapest/ most beautiful dress it's half price (£450 instead of £900) my dad wants me to find cheaper/ hire one.

I have tried everywhere I can think of, not many places hire and if they do it costs more to hire than to buy the one I want.

He hasn't said he won't pay for it but how unreasonable am I being if I insist I want this dress? Should I pay for it myself? (I'm far from rich, I've been with my dp for nearly 7 yrs and he has finally asked me!)

I even went to oxfam today and not only are some of them hideous but they aren't that cheap (£150 - £350) and would need alterations and cleaning.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Flashman · 02/06/2008 18:25

I don't think that you can ask him to put a sum in - just in case he really can't afford it imagine how rotton he would feel. I would make an escuse and find something else that he can help you with and buy the dress yourself if it means so much too you.

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 02/06/2008 18:26

jammi - i've tried ebay but can't get one without trying it on because of the tattoo (yes I'm stupid I know!)

OP posts:

Saturn74 · 02/06/2008 18:26

Ah well, if he didn't offer, I think you should just pay for it yourself, tbh.

I can understand you hoping he would pay, but as he's asked you to find a cheaper one, or hire one, I think I'd just remove him from the equation, and do my own thing.

You must be disappointed though - it would have been nice if he would have been a little more enthusiastic.

The money isn't really the issue as much as the fact that what should have been an exciting time (choosing a dress) has been rather marred by this awkward financial stand-off.

I hope you find the dress of your dreams.

IllegallyBrunette · 02/06/2008 18:28

Well sorry but i am shocked, can't help that.

I am not loaded, couldn't be further from it, but I think it is rude to ask other people, family or not, to pay for things.

milknosugar · 02/06/2008 18:29

my whole wedding cost less than the dress you want. you dont have to be loaded to get married, you just have to be loaded to do it the way you want to do it. yabu, he does not have to pay for anything so be grateful for what he is willing to give you. 'if they say no thats fine' - you you have been told no, so it should be fine but the whole point of this thread is that you dont think it is.

donnie · 02/06/2008 18:30

you are being unreasonable.

BrownSuga · 02/06/2008 18:31

Only read the OP, but if you're old enough to get married you're old enough to at least pay for your own dress.

mutt · 02/06/2008 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flashman · 02/06/2008 18:33

where is the tattoo?

NotaRealGreenDressThatsCruel · 02/06/2008 18:34

I'm totally not loaded, I got married 12 years ago at 20 and we paid for the whole thing ourselves - registry office, Wedding dress £50 monsoon sale, sandwiches at my Mum's, Gran made the cake, down the pub after and a break on a mini cruise to Spain(£59 each!).

I didn't want to wait to get married, If I'd waited until we had enough money for a big do, we still wouldn't be married!

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 02/06/2008 18:35

I think HC has hit the nail on the head tbh

I'm disapointed at his reaction but I'm old enough to get over it.

If he couldn't afford it I'd be less disapointed, he offered to lend me my SM's dress from when they got married about 20yrs ago I guess some of you will think I'm ungrateful for turning it down

OP posts:

ReallyTired · 02/06/2008 18:36

I think you are acting like a spoilt toddler. If you want an expensive dress then its up to you to pay for it!

I got married in a dress from a charity shop and my dress is beautiful. I paid for the dress and my parents paid for the alternations. I looked absolutely stunning.

A wedding is only one day in your life. It is possible to a fun wedding on a budget. My wedding which was six years ago cost less than £2000 including everything!

Aren't there more important things to spend the money on now if you have children?

LIZS · 02/06/2008 18:37

Sounds like you'll have to downgrade your expectations if you can't afford your dream and are already in debt, sorry. Let relatives and friends contribute voluntarily by all means , perhaps in lieu of a present, and give it a more personal touch. If you just want to be married then the trappings would n't really matter so much but it sounds as if the wedding itself is in danger of becoming more important to you.

madmuggle · 02/06/2008 18:38

Why should he?

He is your father, not a bank account. If he had offered it would have been a lovely gesture, but seeing as he didn't I find your behaviour to be despicable.

If you cannot afford the wedding of your dreams, perhaps you ought to come back to reality and concentrate on planning a marriage ceremony, not a bloody pantomime.

Harsh? Yes. But you do sound like an utter bridezilla.

ComeOVeneer · 02/06/2008 18:42

It isn't shocking to ask for ypur parents' help. It is shocking to expect it and be peeved when they don't contribute what you want. We had a pretty expensive wedding, but dh and I (actually mostly I) financed the whole thing. My parents and dh's parents contributed a sum of money each to be used as we wanted. and my parents bought my dress. I never would have dreamed of asking either of them for anything. They paid enough raising the two of us!

LambethLil · 02/06/2008 18:48

What size are you and what sort of dress are you looking for? I tried mine on the other day- its lovely and I felt really sad I won't wear it again. Post a link to it and I'm sure another MNetter will offer you one- you can have mine if its right!

LambethLil · 02/06/2008 18:50

YANBU by the way. My parents were very generous. My dress was one of the cheaper parts of my wedding, a friend made it and I am eternally grateful they were able to give us such a wonderful day.

nametaken · 02/06/2008 18:59

Since when was it rude to ask your father for help? Am I missing something?

Mine · 02/06/2008 19:03

LMG you should have the dress you want, just ask him what he would think is a fair contribution and you top up the rest.

Every woman deserves to feel like a princess on her wedding day, the single most important part of that is the bloomin dress!!

I agree with namesake, most parents contribute to the dc weddings in some shape or form, so no you are not being unreasonable.
Just talk to your dad, show him a pic of the dress... maybe he;ll dig a bit deeper when he see's how much it means to you!!

lazarou · 02/06/2008 19:03

I agree nametaken.

beansmum · 02/06/2008 19:06

I don't think it is rude to ask for help for something you really need, my parents help me with food and stuff for ds sometimes. But it is rude to expect money for something non essential and to want to insist someone helps you when they don't really want to.

TheFallenMadonna · 02/06/2008 19:07

There's no problem in asking. When we were planning our wedding, money wasn't mentioned. My mum was coming up with all sorts of ideas that I thought might be a bit pricey, so I asked her if she would be willing to pay for some of them. Turned out she assumed she was paying for the whole thing. Int he end we divided it all up between us and everyone was happy.

My mum made my wedding dress though, and the material cost a whopping £84, so I have no idea how much is reasonable.

QueenBhannae · 02/06/2008 19:09

I think £450 is a ridiculous amount for a dress you wear one day and if you are already in debt why not tone down the whole day to fit in with a cheaper but still beautiful dress?

TheFallenMadonna · 02/06/2008 19:23

Well, I do. What is reasonable is what he is prepared to pay plus what you can afford to pay. And no more really.

Original poster

LoveMyGirls · 02/06/2008 19:34

My dad just phoned turns out it wasn't the price of the dress (as i had wrongly assumed) or even the fact I had asked him to pay for it, it was just that he wanted me to look around and make sure this really was the right dress plus he was a bit worried that the front is so plain as that is what will be on most of the photo's.

The bottom line is he is willing to pay for it he just wants me to get the best possible price (ask them what they'll do for cash were his words) and make sure it's definitely THE DRESS

Just for the record I'm not a bridezilla, I said i'd be happy to go to the church in my dad's car/ get married in a reg office etc

OP posts:

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