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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my dad to pay for my wedding dress?

125 replies

LoveMyGirls · 02/06/2008 17:56

I have found the cheapest/ most beautiful dress it's half price (£450 instead of £900) my dad wants me to find cheaper/ hire one.

I have tried everywhere I can think of, not many places hire and if they do it costs more to hire than to buy the one I want.

He hasn't said he won't pay for it but how unreasonable am I being if I insist I want this dress? Should I pay for it myself? (I'm far from rich, I've been with my dp for nearly 7 yrs and he has finally asked me!)

I even went to oxfam today and not only are some of them hideous but they aren't that cheap (£150 - £350) and would need alterations and cleaning.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 02/06/2008 19:38

Qb - cheap but pretty and cover the tattoo is what I've been searching for.

I'm size 12 and the tattoo is on my chest I'm still losing weight so would be good to get a dress that ties up rather than zip.

OP posts:
NotaRealGreenDressThatsCruel · 02/06/2008 20:03

Have you got a link to the one you want? - Glad you've cleared things up with your Dad!

cheeset · 02/06/2008 20:17

nametaken has nailed it.

squilly · 02/06/2008 20:24

I paid for my own and that way, I controlled what dress I bought.

If you ask your dad to pay and he doesn't want to give you as much money as you need you might piss him off and you might not get the dress you really want. If he insists on a small amount of money and you stick with it, you won't get just what you want, and that is not what the wedding dress is all about.

Expecting dad to pay is a tad unreasonable in this day and age. Especially if there's no budget figure on the table.

Personally, I'd like to start married life as I mean to go on...not compromising on the things I hold dear to me and paying my own way in the world...but that's just me!

MsHighwater · 02/06/2008 22:59

I paid for my own wedding dress (which cost a little, but not much, more than £450) but my parents paid for the reception - about £3k (they offered).

When my dsd got married, my dh and I contributed a sum of money towards the costs but left it to the bride and groom to spend it as they saw fit.

Perhaps I should point out that the two weddings were both within the last few years.

I think its awfully judgemental to assume its inappropriate for a bride to ask her father to pay for her dress without knowing anything else about those involved - but, hey, that's just me .

Glad its sorted out. Hope the rest of the wedding goes well.

madmuggle · 03/06/2008 00:25

Apologies for earlier narkiness. I was having beltingly foul day

One thing though, and it's nothing to do with the original post:

Mine you said that "Every woman deserves to feel like a princess on her wedding day, the single most important part of that is the bloomin dress!!"

Wrong. The single most important thing about any wedding should be the marriage vows. If more people remembered that there would be far fewer instances of divorce. I can't get the hang of this foul and pervasive culture of 'must have bigger and better and more sparkly than has ever been before!' that surrounds weddings these days. It's rather pathetic to be quite truthful.

jamila169 · 03/06/2008 00:41

Agree with you MM - the only thing I was not prepared to compromise on in our very low budget wedding was the standing in church in front of everyone important to you , actually saying the vows

madmuggle · 03/06/2008 00:47

Thanks jamila, it really does irk me that some people can't see past the fripperies. It's good to know that there are some people who do understand what a wedding is supposed to be about

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 03/06/2008 08:27

MM the church is very important and I was considering writing our own vows, the dress and the church will probably cost as much as everything else put together. Would be nice to get to feel like a princess for one day though

Theres a link further up to one very similar to the one i want.

OP posts:
madmuggle · 03/06/2008 11:40

Sorry LMG, I was pootling off at a tangent after reading the post by Mine. The brain cell refuses to stick to one topic at a time these days. Too many years spent with kids

Mine · 03/06/2008 14:16

of course the vows are important, but since when was it wrong or pathetic to think the brides dress was not equally as important. I've never met a bride that didn;t put her wedding dress at the top of her most wanted list when planning her wedding, whether it cost £50 or £450 is irrelevant!!!

All i'm saying is that i think LMG should get the dress she's always wanted because its important to her... and if i'm not wrong to most women on this planet!!

edam · 03/06/2008 14:23

Glad it's sorted, LMG. Your dad does sound nice.

FWIW I strong-armed my father into paying for my wedding reception by taking him round the venue and showing him the excellent stock of malt whiskies in the bar but dh and I paid for pretty much everything else. Used my dad's car to get to the registry office. Had a friend doing the photos (which I would NOT recommend). Had my dress made by my mum/a local dressmaker so it was 'cheap' (well, silk dupion is not cheap but a hell of a lot cheaper than buying it off the rail). Etc. etc. etc.

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 03/06/2008 14:25

I'm not getting that dress now as it happens, when I went again to look today it looked dirty (ok it can be cleaned for an extra cost of course) but bits of it were tatty and the total would have been £625 so I've decided to keep looking to try and find something that ticks all the boxes and isn't too expensive - I did try on a nice dress today, wasn't quite right but it was £825 so out of my price range anyway.

Anyone know where I can get a dress which is white, lace up back, high neck line, pulls in at the waist, big skirt and under £500? I've a feeling this is going to be a big search!

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 03/06/2008 14:26

Thanks Edam - my dad is fab, he doesn't say much but he is always there when i need him and does what he can

OP posts:
edam · 03/06/2008 14:29

Actually, have just remembered the first dress I fell in love with was £2k (more than 10 years ago) and NO-ONE would buy it for me even when I looked at them with puppy dog eyes.

morningpaper · 03/06/2008 14:31

Ebay is FABBIE - my wedding dress was 32 quid including postage and it was perfect

They go CHEAP especially ones which haven't been cleaned - and bear in mind that LOTS will wash up fine in a washign maching on a low wash.

You could buy 10 off ebay and chose your favourite

Mine · 03/06/2008 14:32

LMG have you tried M&S, Debenhams and BHS.... they have dress from £75 upwards to about £300.....

lulumama · 03/06/2008 14:33

this bring back fond memories of taking my dad to see the wedding dress i had picked out. me and mum had been dress shopping and dad met me after work to see it.. he stood clutching his briefcase to his chest saying faintly,' i thought it would be about £50 or so.....' and going pale

but he bought it !

i think £450 is quite reasonable but depends on the costs of the wedding etc and if your dad can do this for you without having to really go without

Shoshe · 03/06/2008 14:36

what about this one LMgs

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 03/06/2008 14:40

I need one that covers my tattoo so without trying them on I can't tell tbh they need to be higher than evening dress cut iyswim?

OP posts:
salsmum · 03/06/2008 14:41

Just a thought but could'nt you go to a big cosmetics counter and ask/try a 'consealer [sp] for your tattoo that way you could have more choice as far as dresses are concerned?

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 03/06/2008 14:45

How much was the dress lulu?

OP posts:
NomDePlume · 03/06/2008 14:46

Can't you wear a wrap thing over the dress, or a little jacket ?

Original poster
LoveMyGirls · 03/06/2008 14:49

Make up will really be the last resort if i can get a dress to cover it that will be my choice because then I can forget about it for the day.

I don't think I'd buy a wedding dress without trying it on anyway even without the tattoo.

I have tried a couple of dresses from debenhams and though it was nice it didnt cover the tattoo and was basically a white evening dress.

My mum came with me today and said she wants me to look perfect on the day because i deserve it - awwwwwwwwww! (she said the dress we saw today wasn't good enough)

OP posts:
Heffagooday · 03/06/2008 14:51

I don't know how much time you have, but have you looked into getting one made? I've met quite a few local seamstresses that made wedding dresses, and they often came in a lot cheaper than buying a dress. Plus it's custom made There are a lot of patterns out there, often by well known dress designers.

My mum made mine (and all 6 bridesmaid dresses!) and it cost about £100.

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