Waking up late with baby

[Sunnylily]

Our 3 month old baby usually falls asleep around 1–2 a.m, wakes once or twice to feed and then we both sleep again until about 11.

I’m exclusively breastfeeding and handle every night feed myself. My husband works from home and does the school run( for our 11 year-old who’s mostly independent) so I don’t ask him for help with baby at night. I handle the baby myself in the day as well except occasional help here and there as his work takes much of his time.

I pay for a cook who takes care of meals and cleaning (from my maternity pay and luckily it's affordable for us)

My husband hints that 11 a.m. “looks late,” but after nights like ours it feels like the only way to get enough rest as I don't nap. I am feeling guilty that I am not waking up earlier unlike other moms

AIBU to wake up at 11am ?

You're perfectly fine. My granddaughter is 10 months. She was breast feed too. Up until 5-6 months they were the same. Baby adjusted and was going down earlier. Now 10 months, shes crawling everywhere, a bundle of pure joy and up about 7.30am and down around 8. Seems you should enjoy it while you can 😍 meant to say she created her own routine almost as well.

Nope I used to do this with my son when he was a baby. What’ve you got to get up for? Wouldn’t he rather you rest and wake up in a good mood instead of being irritated all day due to lack of sleep?

YANBU do whatever works for you best. My baby used to happily go back to sleep until around 10am and I happily took advantage of it while it lasted! Always used to annoy me that most baby groups/ activities were on early in the morning, I was quite happy occupying me and baby in the morning it was the afternoon I desperately needed something for my sanity!

it makes perfect sense op, when he’s in charge of every night wake he can decide what time he gets up with the baby in the morning!

Sleep when baby sleeps! It doesn’t matter at all when that is and sounds like you have a little routine going.

It will obviously become a different and more “average” routine as the baby gets bigger because you’ll put them down in their own room at 7-8pm or whatever and they’ll (hopefully!) start sleeping through until 7am or so.

But at 3 months old you need to take any opportunity for rest you can get!

The only thing that I would see an issue with here is that you don’t see your other child at all in the morning. I have a DC the same age who is likewise pretty independent but with whom I still like to see in the morning for a chat or breakfast.

Your partner is inconsiderate and uncaring. You’re the one up at night and feeding and you’re the one who’s tired from it. If the baby is sleeping until 11, it’s perfectly fine for you to as well.

Sleep is essential for your recovery from the birth and your overall health. You’re getting your sleep when the baby sleeps, which is exactly how it should be.

If your DH really doesn’t get, explain it to him in those terms, that it’s important for your health. Chronic sleep deprivation is very damaging.

I also did all the night feeds for my babies and. DH was just grateful, he never questioned my sleep pattern.

Can you shift the timings slightly every day so that you are going down earlier with the baby and then getting up a bit earlier so you have some more overlap with your elder child and your husband? I dont think you should have less sleep overall.

If you can wake up at 11, then you wake up at 11!!

I wasn’t this fortunate as mine used to wake up at 5am for about a year, but if I could’ve slept until 11 then I absolutely would have!!

Mine used to be up at 5 so I'm so jealous 😅 he still wakes at 5 now at 3 years old😭 tell DH that when he's doing the nights you are, then he can have a say

'Looks late'? So what? Who's looking?!

Your DH looks like a bit of an arsehole.

Sleep till 11am. Do what you need to do.

If you keep letting your LO sleep until 11am you are never going to get their rhythms matching daytime and nighttime. Why not try waking quarter of an hour earlier each morning?

I had 2 under 3 and was devastated to not be able to do this with second baby.
Politely... unless he is doing the night shift he can piss off...
I assuming you see / spend time with your older chold at weekends and when home from school

I'd opt to see my other child on weekdays before school and then go back to bed 😊

No it sounds great and well done for getting such a good routine going so that you can hopefully enjoy this stage. I absolutely loved it.

I used to do this with DD1, she would always sleep better early morning so usually feed every couple of hours until about 5am, then sleep until 8am then go back down again until about 10-11am. I used to be so exhausted after the disturbed night I would go back to sleep at 8am, saved my sanity in those early days

He has a bit of a cheek to comment on when you get up when he's after a full nights normal sleep

Whatever works for you, I guess. 🤷🏼‍♀️ If you can happily sleep 'til 11, then sleep 'til 11.
Bit of a shame that you don't get up to see your other child before school, but again, whatever works for you and your household.

YANBU, but equally if you want to support your baby into a helpful sleeping pattern there's nothing wrong with setting a designated wake time, even this young, and a bed time. This might be hard to get out of as they get older if you stick to this pattern.

At 3m our designated wake time was 8am, regardless of how bad the night had been. We got up, dressed, went downstairs, whatever to signal it's now morning/the day.

Sleep when baby sleeps. 100%

Until the 4 month sleep "regression" when their sleep cycles mature (and there is loads of research about this), there's no point worrying about routines.

Once their brain goes into a more mature sleep cycle, similar to an adult, he'll be more sleepy between 7-9 pm.

My baby was the same at 3 months. He would treat any sleep before midnight like a nap i.e. sleep for an hour then be awake for 1-2 hours. Around 4.5 months he suddenly wanted to go to sleep around 8 and was staying asleep. Game changer. It's when you need to start having a consistent bedtime routine etc.

You just need to go with the babies routine at that age as long as it fits with other commitments. There's nothing wrong with getting up at 11, I'm sure the routine will change after baby is on solids.

Do whatever works for you obviously as he gets older the times will need to change but that will likely happen naturally.