Waking up late with baby

[Sunnylily]

Our 3 month old baby usually falls asleep around 1–2 a.m, wakes once or twice to feed and then we both sleep again until about 11.

I’m exclusively breastfeeding and handle every night feed myself. My husband works from home and does the school run( for our 11 year-old who’s mostly independent) so I don’t ask him for help with baby at night. I handle the baby myself in the day as well except occasional help here and there as his work takes much of his time.

I pay for a cook who takes care of meals and cleaning (from my maternity pay and luckily it's affordable for us)

My husband hints that 11 a.m. “looks late,” but after nights like ours it feels like the only way to get enough rest as I don't nap. I am feeling guilty that I am not waking up earlier unlike other moms

AIBU to wake up at 11am ?

If it works for you then works. It wouldn’t work for me as I wouldn’t want to not see my other child before school every day, plus I liked to get out to stuff in the morning so would feel the day had got away from me a bit by getting up at that time, plus it would offset my schedule from the other people in house, but it’s your life!

I used to wake up at 6, feed and change baby and put him back down to sleep while I got the other kids up, fed and then do the school run. If you can sleep in with baby then you absolutely should! Get as much sleep as you can!

I think this is absolutely fine!
I have a new baby and my partner and I do shifts. I go to bed at 9pm and have a solid five hours uninterrupted sleep whilst he is downstairs with the baby napping/feeding/settling. Then he gets me around 2am and I go downstairs and he sleeps solidly before needing to get up for work whilst I do the napping/feeding/settling. It varies slightly each night but usually I’ll feed/settle from 2-3am, then me and baby sleep 3-6am, then 6-7am is another feed/settle then we sleep from 8-10.30/11am. And then we get up! Do what works for you ☺️

I think having a conversation with an 11 year old over breakfast can probably step aside for the sake of a few hours of precious precious sleep for the first few months of the new baby’s life. Let’s not create guilt when all parents of newborns are trying to do is survive day to day!

Babies are still nocturnal at that age, so it makes sense for you to be as well, in order to get enough sleep. Not many people can function when woken up in the early hours and then have to get up early as well!

If it works it works but how do you work it during school holidays and weekends?

Maybe your husband should stay up at night and breastfeed the baby whilst he recovers from growing and birthing an entire new person?

Of that's right he can't. So he should keep his shitty unsupportive comments to himself.

It’s not unreasonable getting up at 11am if you go to sleep at 1-2am. But that is an unusually late time to go to bed. It doesn’t seem sustainable in the long run, so I’d certainly start trying to adjust that.

Your baby is only 3 months. My first child started getting into a routine at 2 months but my second took until he was 10 months to start sleeping properly. You need to sleep when the baby does otherwise you won't get enough sleep. I did try to get up with my son at first (the baby that didn't sleep) but according to my Fitbit I was getting 1-3 hours sleep. 😴 I couldn't even count or function properly and wouldn't drive as I just wasn't fit enough to. Your 11 year old is old enough to understand plus your husband is up so it's not like he's not seeing anyone in the morning. I'd keep doing what your doing.

Me as well. I also had a big age gap and it was very important to see my child off in the morning. Also for them as well.

oh wow! 11 would be late for me but as everyone says do what works for your baby. You should get your rest whilst you can. How do you see your other child?

Nothing wrong with a lie in after a bad night, though I’d start breaking the very very late bedtime cycle. What is baby doing 7pm - 2am? If sleeping on and off then you should to, I know it’s hard but it will start impacting on your ability to get anywhere. You will find yourself needing to get up for various things like appointments and neither of you will be able to function

I couldn't have done this as we were at baby groups at 10am in the week. Each to their own though...

I used to wake up at 1pm at the beginning! I was up all night so would get my best sleep in the morning. My husband was always in a. Different room and I think he liked having the mornings to himself! If I was up early I would sometimes have a three hour nap in bed with my daughter after lunch, why feel guilty a happy baby is a happy family! Babies love sleeping on your boob in bed.

It wouldn’t work for me to be asleep for half of the day and miss my child every morning but each to their own. If it works for you then great. I have a baby too and we do 9pm
bed and she sleeps until 7 am. We are up and out at school runs, dog walks, baby classes and coffees lunches but like I said what works for one doesn’t work for another

WTF? You have a baby that sleeps 9pm - 7am???? How old is this wonder child? If you have a baby that sleeps through the night, you have no clue what the OP is going through.

Came on to say this.

Think its a bit sad that your daughter doesn’t get to see you before school.

@Worriedalltheday @andthat @StillweriseLH from the age of 9 until 18, I almost never saw my mum in the morning as she had to leave for work before I woke up. No damage was done, we are closer than many mums and daughters to this day and she was always very aware of what was going on in my life.

The situation with a newborn is temporary. By 4-5 months all babies go to bed earlier. As a fellow breastfeeding mother with a baby who didn't sleep much at that age, I know that OP is in pure survival mode.

I always slept when DD slept. Mind you we didn’t have WFH back in 1988 and no paternity leave, it was great 😄
This would drive me mad tbh. You’re doing great, sleep when you want, ignore DH.

The only thing, I agree that maybe you should be there a bit more for your 11 year old. They’re really not that independent at that age.

Absolutely ignore your DH - what’s he on about?? Do what you need to do.

Mine is 11mo, goes to bed around 10-11pm, gets up 8-9am. She’s slept as late as 11am in the past - fine by me! I breastfeed and bedshare at night - am never sleep deprived thank gawd.

When does your other child get to connect with you op?

They are typically in the morning to suit parents who have to collect older siblings from school in the afternoon.

Do what works for you.

I was you, we now have an 18m old and bedtime is generally 10pm on a good day, midnight on a bad, 1-2am still on a horrendous one. Thankfully not too many of those anymore.

for AGES. We went to bed between 2-4am. It’s just how it was, once she was down she slept for 10 hours. But our body clocks were backwards.

Dd woke up at 9am today, absolutely not a problem for us. We work two jobs each and don’t get home from the second one (alternate nights, we clearly don’t leave her alone!) until midnight so 5am wake ups are NOT for us.

DD gets up for nursery fine on the days she goes, we always wake her up but that’s fine! On other days it depends what we are doing, some mornings she gets me up, others I get her up! We’re all night owls in this house lol.

How about you start handing baby over to him for the night he can bring her to you for a feed/feeds and we’ll see how “late” he thinks 11am is then won’t we