Waking up late with baby

[Sunnylily]

Our 3 month old baby usually falls asleep around 1–2 a.m, wakes once or twice to feed and then we both sleep again until about 11.

I’m exclusively breastfeeding and handle every night feed myself. My husband works from home and does the school run( for our 11 year-old who’s mostly independent) so I don’t ask him for help with baby at night. I handle the baby myself in the day as well except occasional help here and there as his work takes much of his time.

I pay for a cook who takes care of meals and cleaning (from my maternity pay and luckily it's affordable for us)

My husband hints that 11 a.m. “looks late,” but after nights like ours it feels like the only way to get enough rest as I don't nap. I am feeling guilty that I am not waking up earlier unlike other moms

AIBU to wake up at 11am ?

This made me think of myself.... I go to bed late and sleep late.... I live alone, and when I've nothing to get up for I like to be lazy, but I do feel guilty! It's ridiculous....

Now with a small baby you definitely shouldn't feel guilty cos you definitely should sleep when the baby does so you have enough energy to look after them when they're awake!!

He’s welcome to do the nights with the baby to see when he gets up. Otherwise he can whistle.

With my first I stayed in bed as long as I could - sometimes till midday. Loved those lazy days.

I used to do that too. It was just a bit of a shock when my DD stopped sleeping until 11 at about three months old!

Hi op it might seem late but your not exactly going to bed at a reasonable time just go with it for now and when the baby goes to sleep earlier then you can get up earlier he’s probably just jealous thinking your getting a lie in but your not and your entitled to sleep as well.

I mean it's not going to be forever is it. You are doing the whole night and other child is sorted in the morning so fill your boots I say. You need to sleep sometime so why not have a lay in if you can!

Before I had a baby like that I'd have agreed with people saying to wake them up earlier. My daughter didn't go to sleep before one am till she was six months. Unfortunately with my husband's job I still had to be up for my son in the morning so none of us slept in.

It made no difference to what time she went to sleep she just never needed as much as your average baby. Id have taken the lie in

We did very similar to this as I needed to know I had a block of sleep. Although I was up and about for school run.

Your husband's an ass.

When he grows a baby in his uterus for 9 months, gives birth to it, goes through the recovery from said birth, then has a baby feeding from his tits several times per day every day for months, THEN he can have a fucking opinion on what "looks late" in terms of the time you and baby wake.

Until then he can fuck right off.

Thanks for all the lovely messages 💓

I spend time with my elder one in the evenings and most of the mornings I will be wake up after a feed so will get a chance to talk and help in the morning. But we have agreed that it's my husband's responsibility for the time being so they don't expect me.

I am trying to put little one to bed earlier every day but he stays awake and ends sleeping past midnight.

@Sunnylily just follow baby's lead with bed times, do not try to enforce a routine just because of your husband's out of order comment.

Lucky you - enjoy! And tell your husband to bugger off. Similar situation here - DC3 is a shit sleeper, I hand her over first thing so I can carry on sleeping for another hour or two, DH does school/nursery run. Don’t feel guilty - sleep when you can!!!

I was always told 'when the baby sleeps, you sleep'.......I still follow that rule although my 'baby' is nearly 10 😁 YANBU

Sleep as long as you can while baby sleeps!

Other child’s at school so no issue.

If you’re doing all the nights, and that’s how baby likes to sleep/ wake at the moment, you need all the rest you can get!

It’s a shame in a way not to see your 11 yo before school but I’m sure he’ll understand just for a few months, especially as he’s got his Dad there to see him off. This particular newborn routine won’t last that long, and sleep is so important for your mental health when you have a newborn.

When I was a baby, my Mum tells me I slept 10-10 (after the initial weeks). But I was the eldest so she could just go with that!

Honestly to me that sounds like a LOT of sleep - is your baby good to sleep at 2, and there are 2 might feeds taking an hour you are still getting 7 hours! But if your lifestyle can accommodate it, then enjoy it.

I can't imagine having that much sleep as a parent, but you don't have to live off fumes if you can find another way. I'm frankly quite jealous. I can't remember the last time I had that much sleep.

Sounds lovely.

I used to do this with DD, was SO upset when she started waking up earlier 🤣. You carry on & get the sleep that you need. DH can swivel.

My daughter is 18 months old and still sleeps until 11!!

Your baby is 3 months old! Loads of babies are up constantly waking for feeding during the night. It's so so tiring.

Your DH is being very unreasonable and unkind. I'd be having words! Especially if you would like any more children OP.

Express some milk and get hubby to do the last feed. Then you can get up earlier and he will be happy.

Apart from days when you might want to be up earlier for Baby Groups or similar, it's absolutely fine.

My eldest slept 10-10 from a young age - I’m naturally a night owl anyway so it suited me. Was gutted when I had to go back to work and get him in an earlier routine 😭

Dd and I went through a stint where we shifted our sleep like this. She would be incredibly alert and awake from 9-12. Have a huge feed. Absolutely fill her nappy. Then it was finally bedtime.
we would get up around 10:30 in the morning.

Yes, there were some night feeds in there so it was not uninterrupted sleep. it was still far better than both of us got when I tried to put her on an arbitrary schedule that society expected.

her need to be semi-nocturnal did not last forever.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with adapting to your babies needs. You will both be happier for it.

I really wish my babies had read the manuals that everyone else seems to quote. My son slept half an hour at a time day or night. After about 6 months he’d go 2 hours over night if I was really lucky. He ‘d do longer in the day if driving or pushing the pushchair. There was no “putting him down earlier” if you tried that he’d take longer to get to sleep. No-one believed me how bad his sleeping was until we went on holiday with friends. All this sleep when the baby sleeps didn’t work. It would take me longer than he napped for to get to sleep.

My daughter slept better but like the OP’s baby she’d go to sleep around 5am. A woman at a baby group once asked if I’d considered putting her down earlier…of course that thought had never crossed my mind!! It was such fun staying up until 5am. She gradually shifted her sleep forwards. Now 11yo she is still a night owl not a morning person.

OP get your sleep when you can. Only you know if you are getting enough sleep. It’s a short span of time in the scheme of things that you just have to get through. One of the sayings when my kids were little was that you do what you need to do to get through. If that’s sleeping until 11am just do it.