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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DHs little gambling habit is actually a massive problem

80 replies

Aaromroad · 18/09/2025 11:12

Hi all

We only moved a few weeks ago and I wanted a fresh start but I have just seen £200 gone from our account. DH says it was nothing to worry about and that it was just a bet on last nights football. He says everyone does it and I am making a fuss. I dont think I am. £200 is not nothing when we are trying to get settled and pay bills.

He calls it a hobby. I call it a problem. He has promised before that he would stop and here we are again. Im sick of feeling like I am the one who has to watch every penny while he shrugs it off. The worst bit is he acts like Im the one nagging when all I want is for us to have some stability.

Am I being unreasonable to think this is more than just a flutter and that I need to put my foot down before it gets worse

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 18/09/2025 11:14

For most 'normal' people, with 'normal' finances, that's a huge bet! A little flutter would be a couple of ££ a year on the Grand National or whatever.

So I'd say yes, it's a problem.

purplecorkheart · 18/09/2025 11:16

I have a few friends who gamble. That would be a large bet for them. The ones who don't think that are the ones who have a problem.

dairydebris · 18/09/2025 11:17

Can you easily afford £200?

Because if you can- possible problem, more info needed.

If you cannot easily afford £200- definite problem. And putting your foot down is unlikely to work, he'll just hide it more. Consider splitting up.

Outsideitsraining · 18/09/2025 11:17

Jeez. That’s massive. He’s minimising your very real concerns too. Not good OP.

GucciBear · 18/09/2025 11:17

First thing I would advise us to separate your monies. If he wants to lose his own funds, up to him but please safeguard yourself! Another thought if this turns out to be a serious habit, can you somehow safeguard yourself in order that you are not responsible for any debts of his?

HoskinsChoice · 18/09/2025 11:18

The thing is, he is perfectly within his rights to spend that kind of money in the same way you are perfectly within your rights to spend £200 on whatever you want. But, only if he can afford it. If it is having a detrimental impact on his ability to contribute his share of the running of the household then yep its a problem whether it's a hobby or not.

Teenagerantruns · 18/09/2025 11:19

That's a lot if you cant afford it. I like a gamble and take £50 out each payday, put in my gambling pot on monzo, we can afford it and after bills have separate spending money, so its only my money im gambling with. Do you have £200 to spend on what you like?

Ilovepastafortea · 18/09/2025 11:19

I'd say £200 is rather a lot of money to spend gambling in one evening.

If he wants to gamble, he should do it with his own money not money from a joint account as that's your money as well. I would say this about any hobby. My DH plays golf & has a season ticket for our local rugby club. I usually club together with DCs to buy the season ticket for his birthday as it's about £600pa, all his golf-related club fees etc he pays for out of his own personal account.

If your DH has a problem with gambling the £200 that he spent is likely to be the tip of the iceberg and he's spending more & probably in debt.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 18/09/2025 11:21

That sounds like a massive problem to me, can you separate finances so he only spends ‘his’ money.

Id also get advice on gamblers anonymous.

Netcurtainnelly · 18/09/2025 11:22

How selfish, blowing the family's bill money on gambling.
There's only one winner, and that's the bookie.

Shayisgreat · 18/09/2025 11:22

Yeah I'd have a problem with that!

Shoxfordian · 18/09/2025 11:23

It depends if he can afford to lose it or not really

Sassylovesbooks · 18/09/2025 11:23

£200 isn't an insignificant amount to most families. No, not 'everyone is doing it' either! That's a tale your husband is telling himself, to justify his actions. I would be extremely concerned that your husband could potentially have debt you are unaware about. You aren't responsible for any debt in his name, but if he were to take a loan out, and secure it against your home (assuming you have a mortgage), it would cause you issues. You have a joint account - is all money in a joint pot? Do you each have your own account, and then a joint one for bills? If your husband has a gambling problem, and it sounds as if he does, you simply telling him to stop, isn't going to work. It's an addiction, in the same way alcohol and drugs are. Your husband has to recognise he has an issue, and be willing to seek professional help. I'd say your husband hasn't reached this point, he's in denial. He will lie, hide the severity of his issues, and if he's desperate borrow money/take out loans/credit cards. My honest opinion is, if you have a house together, as in a mortgage - you need legal advice. Creditors can put a charge against the property, and this will screw you up financially. You need to separate your finances. Keep any eye on both your credit scores. Personally, I have seen the destruction gambling brings, and I'd advise you to think hard long-term of leaving. He will bring you down, and cause nothing but stress and misery.

JustMarriedBecca · 18/09/2025 11:26

It depends. Is he putting £200 into his online account for the whole season where he does match betting? That's what my DH does and comes out with a profit at the end of it and the cycle starts again.

Or is this £200 on a one off bet?

£200 as a transfer for the whole season, fine. It is a hobby (albeit a weird geeky maths one). £200 as a one off bet, not happy.

CelestialGazer · 18/09/2025 11:27

It’s a problem. Blowing £200 on one night’s football is ridiculous assuming that you are not exceptionally wealthy.

Gambling at that level is not a hobby, it’s well on its way to being an addiction that can tear a family apart and lead to poverty.

NoisyLittleOtter · 18/09/2025 11:29

My husband likes to gamble on sporting fixtures occasionally… he transfers £5 a week into his online account to fund it. He wouldn’t dream of gambling £200. That’s more than a ‘little flutter’.
I guess there’s an argument that it’s his hobby, and therefore he can spend money on it as anyone would spend money on their hobbies. But only if you can afford it as a family and it isn’t taking money away from necessities.

BlackRoseBlue · 18/09/2025 11:32

Please contact Gamcare https://www.gamcare.org.uk. They will advise you and support you.

Whenthetimeisright · 18/09/2025 11:39

You say there has been a problem with him gambling in the past and he promised he would stop. The fact that he hasn't indicates he has a gambling addiction.

And saying that " everyone does it", which is clearly false, is him trying to normalise his worrying behaviour.

I agree with pp who advises separating your finances and taking every precaution you can to prevent you being responsible for his debts.

And yes you should seek advice from one of the organisations that are there to support the families of problem gamblers - a quick Google shows there are a few of these.

neveradmit17 · 18/09/2025 11:44

I had to divorce a gambling addict who has never, to this day, admitted he has a problem.

You didn't cause it
You can't stop him doing it

This is the time you discovered him doing it. Are you sure that he doesn't gamble much more than you are aware of?

Unorganisedchaos2 · 18/09/2025 11:44

It is a big deal and not everyone does it.

DH gambles on the football and spends around £10 a week during the season, his Dad bets on the horses and spends £5-10 a week most weeks. £200 is a huge amount to gamble for most people.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 18/09/2025 11:45

I need to put my foot down before it gets worse

It has already 'got worse'. It will carry on getting even more worse.
Putting your foot down won't help.

Sorry.
You can try to make him change, have a big argument, threaten to leave, accept his promises to change, and keep your fingers crossed.
But you will spend your life in fear and suspicion.
And he will carry on gambling.
Rinse and repeat.
Then eventually you will have to get divorced anyway.

So would you consider taking the short-cut and going straight for divorce sooner rather than later?

Why did you need 'a fresh start' when you moved house? Were things already bad?

Tam285 · 18/09/2025 11:46

That is a huge amount to spend on betting, I don't know anyone who would think that was normal or fine. Addicts minimise, addicts say everything is fine, addicts turn it back on you and make you the problem - addicts also promise to stop but don't/can't, they'll promise you the whole world in fact.

He's already promised to stop and hasn't OP, why in the world would you think putting your foot down is going to make any difference? He's a gambling addict and that isn't going to change any time soon.

What you need to do is leave OP before you get completely dragged down by this as it's only going to get worse.

Cinaferna · 18/09/2025 11:49

It's not a 'little' gambling habit. Little is not a word that ever applies to gambling habit.

I would get some advice, legal, financial and on being the partner of a gambler. And maybe think about leaving him. Gambling has utterly ruined families I know. And the gambler shows remorse.

Original poster
Aaromroad · 18/09/2025 12:04

Thanks everyone.

I suppose I knew I wasn’t overreacting but it helps to hear it from others. £200 is a lot of money to us, we are not in a position where that sort of loss is nothing. We’ve just moved and everything feels so unsettled already.

I have tried talking to him calmly but he just brushes me off and makes me feel like I’m being controlling. I hate that I’m even posting about this but I feel really stuck.

Separating finances makes sense but it also feels like such a big step, like admitting we don’t trust each other. That makes me so sad but maybe it’s what I have to do.

I’m scared that this is just the tip of the iceberg. He promised before and here we are again. I don’t want to be the one holding everything together while he carries on like this.

I don’t know what to do next

OP posts:
Endofyear · 18/09/2025 12:05

My sons like the odd bet on the football - they usually put a tenner on an accumulator. 200 pounds is huge and yes I think that's a problem. Have you added up how much he is spending a month over the last 6 months? How often is he betting?

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