Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DHs little gambling habit is actually a massive problem

80 replies

Aaromroad · 18/09/2025 11:12

Hi all

We only moved a few weeks ago and I wanted a fresh start but I have just seen £200 gone from our account. DH says it was nothing to worry about and that it was just a bet on last nights football. He says everyone does it and I am making a fuss. I dont think I am. £200 is not nothing when we are trying to get settled and pay bills.

He calls it a hobby. I call it a problem. He has promised before that he would stop and here we are again. Im sick of feeling like I am the one who has to watch every penny while he shrugs it off. The worst bit is he acts like Im the one nagging when all I want is for us to have some stability.

Am I being unreasonable to think this is more than just a flutter and that I need to put my foot down before it gets worse

OP posts:
DierdreDaphne · 18/09/2025 12:17

Him denying it's an issue and trying to make you feel bad for your completely legitimate concerns is a really, really bad sign. Basically he cares more about his betting than either your comfort or your family's finances.

That is not a "hobby". That is an addiction. And addicts are always selfish. Their habit is their first and most important love.

He may well be in denial to himself about this, but the way he is behaving towards you, is making his priorities clear to those of us on the outside.

He might be able to get free. Once he accepts he has a problem, wgich may be a while if it ever happens.

But either way you have to protect yourself- at the very least financially. And stay protected , as there is always the risk of relapse.

Edited - typos

Skybluepinky · 18/09/2025 12:24

Of course it’s an issue.

NoSoupForU · 18/09/2025 12:27

I like a bet, and regularly have a flutter. That would be a big bet for anyone except proper hardened gamblers with a problem.

BauhausOfEliott · 18/09/2025 12:40

£200??!

My DP and I both bet on football occasionally and the absolute most we ever bet is a tenner! £200 isn’t a hobby bet unless you’re very wealthy.

Edit: Just seen that he’s got a track record of promising to stop gambling and then starting again. He’s got a serious problem and if he’s calling you controlling over this, he’s a gaslighting twat.

lessee167 · 18/09/2025 12:44

A hobby is £5 every now and again. £200 is a big bet.

ChaToilLeam · 18/09/2025 12:46

He's already shown you that he will never change. Cut your losses before he drags you down with him.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 18/09/2025 12:48

Bloody hell a bit of a gamble is the odd tenner not £200

BountifulPantry · 18/09/2025 12:53

Separate your finances immediately. Your wage goes into your account. His wage goes into his account. You pay a proportion of money for the bills into the joint account. The joint account is not used for anything except bills (you can cancel the card).

If you have combined finances because you have no job you need to get one. Like yesterday. You cannot rely on him for anything.

He will NOT change until he reaches rock bottom. You cannot change him. I repeat. You cannot change a grown man.

namechangedjustforthisthreadtoday · 18/09/2025 12:57

If he wants you to accept it as a hobby, he needs to treat it like one. Jointly agree a what is a reasonable amount of money to allocate to a personal hobby, based on affordability. Then automatically transfer this each week or month into a separate account for him to use for said "hobby".

The second he dips into family money to top it up, come down on him like a ton of bricks.

reversingdumptruckwithnotyreson · 18/09/2025 12:57

He has a gambling addiction and that’s why he’s trying to say that you’re making a big deal out of nothing and that “everyone does it”.

Even if you still want to stay with him, you need to separate finances asap. And of course you shouldn’t trust him. Keep an eye on everything.

Anycrispsleft · 18/09/2025 12:58

If you're married, you can't really split finances. You would have to divorce him. Really the only question is whether you are ready to divorce him now or whether you're going to wait until he runs through all your money.

Thortour · 18/09/2025 13:03

Sorry to say this but my brother in law was like this but when my sister was forced to dig deeper he was actually tens of thousands in debt. She applied for a loan with Apple because she could get it internet free to buy a new laptop. When it was turned down she investigated and her now ex had run up thousands and thousands in credit card debt, personnel loans and had taken money from his parents.
They're now divorced and he is back with his parents. His wages get paid to them and they give him money each week. It's tragic... He's a lovely man with an appalling addiction.

ithinkilikethislittlelife · 18/09/2025 13:05

The issue for me isn’t the gamble per se it’s the fact that you’ve had chats about it in the past and he knows how you feel about it and didnt think this not insignificant amount to gamble, was worth running past you first.

Topjoe19 · 18/09/2025 13:07

I would absolutely leave, I couldn't tolerate living with it.

TrustedTheWrongFart · 18/09/2025 13:20

A £200 bet screams at chasing losses - it sounds like he’s lost quite a bit and is escalating the amount he stakes to try and recover it.

I would ask to see his betting accounts and the profit and loss section of this. This shows the total spend and will show you the size of the problem.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 18/09/2025 13:29

That's far too much to be gambling without it being a joint agreement, particularly when you've spoken about this previously. I'd be furious.

It's good that you've got eyes on his spending though - assuming he doesn't have a sole bank account elsewhere that he's topping up.

Halfquarterbag · 18/09/2025 13:40

“Everyone does it,” as though there were somehow safety in numbers.

Did he win a lot (as if!)?

Zilla1 · 18/09/2025 13:46

Unfortunately, OP, many problems, the magnitude, the not telling you asnd risking bills being bounced then minimising it.

Don't use the budgeting argument lead to you telling him to pay the bills as they'll go unpaid.

From the little you've posted, I guess with little evidence you'll eventually end up with separate finances after lots of grief. You could try with him gambling from a separate bank account which would be interesting to review if he were honest to look at the average expenditure/losses but he'd need to not spend or have a debit card for the main account and then credit the gambling account monthly? and he'll hate doing that over time as in the long run he'll run out of money.

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 18/09/2025 13:48

£200 is a ‘trying to recoup earlier losses’ bet. I’d be going through all of your finances with a fine tooth comb tbh, searching for credit cards you don’t know he has…

Zilla1 · 18/09/2025 13:51

If everything's cool/no big deal then he should be happy to bring up every gambling account he's used in the last year (unless he's using a bricks and mrtar bookie' and show how much he's been winning and where the funds are deposited from. Expect more arguments and minimising, unfortunately.

BMW6 · 18/09/2025 14:00

I'm sorry OP but this is a huge problem. I strongly suspect he's addicted and your future is at risk financially.

Most people DONT gamble. His claims and downplaying are classic addiction behaviours.

If he won't (cant) stop you should reconsider your marriage.

PermanentTemporary · 18/09/2025 14:05

I think @Whenthetimeisright nailed it. Please talk to Gamcare. I know you don’t know what to do, but doing nothing is also a choice and not a good one - get some support and advice on next steps.

The fact that you’ve already talked about this and he hasn’t been able to stop is the reddest of red flags.

Zempy · 18/09/2025 14:08

I would leave him. He clearly isn’t going to stop.

MellowPinkDeer · 18/09/2025 14:11

My husband likes to bet on the football, usually about £2.50. Not £200.

ExtraOnions · 18/09/2025 14:11

I was a GA, not gambled since 2019 now. I know it sounds cliche, but, the first step is admitting you have a problem. You have to want to stop, and unfortunately that can often mean hitting rock bottom.

I would advise seperate finances, if possible get him off the house so he can’t take out any loans etc on the house, check his Experian account to check for debt.