Husband not been paying tax for years

[Shitsinthepost77]

I'm so worried and scared. Over a year ago two debt collectors came to our door and handed me a letter addressed to my husband. I opened it and it said we owed approx £500k to the taxman. I nearly collapsed.

When my husband came home I confronted him and he basically broke down saying he hadn't been paying tax on his Ltd company for about 5 years. He'd liquidised his company without my knowledge and taken me off as Company Secretary presumably so I wouldn't find out and to extricate me from any financial liability. We had to get a tax lawyer to negotiate on our behalf with the debt collectors and after many months of wrangling, my husband told me it was £64k we owed which we could put our savings towards and also set up a direct debit and pay the rest monthly.

Fast forward a year, I had two debt collectors standing at my front door. It turns out my husband has been lying about the amount owed...it's in actual fact £150k. I'm horrified, my heart's racing as I'm writing this. He told me over the phone he'd used £30k of our son's trust fund money towards it. He told me he's incapable of saying no to me (?!) and he knows he's got emotional problems.

I don't understand any of this...I'm in my 50s, yes, I like nice things (who doesn't) but never overspent in terms of the money that's in our account and was surplus after all bills are paid. He didn't come home last night, he's too ashamed and embarrassed and keeps telling me he's no good and I deserve better. I've been with this man for over 30 years and can't imagine life without him, although I massively resent him at this point.

I found out he'd taken his watch (a present for his 50th) to a pawnbroker to get a £1,500 per loan against the watch. He said it was to pay off the rest owed to the tax lawyer. I asked (shouted) why the hell did he not come to me as I'd managed to put some money aside. Again, he was too embarrassed and said he just wanted it sorted and out the way. I ended up giving him over £2k to get the watch back.

I'm worried sick. How on earth do I deal with this without knowing whether he's lying or not? I don't have access to his business account because I'm not company secretary. I have access to everything else (I think?).

I'm mostly disgusted at my son's trust fund. He's 21, and it was meant to be for a down payment on a flat at some point. Now there's nothing. My son's now aware of this and thinks I should leave his dad as he can't be trusted. What do you think? Any advice would be extremely welcome.

not for this amount. Hmrc usually tries to work with people for amounts less than 1m

You don't know for sure that they will take the house. My understanding is that HMRC can't take your house for a Tax Debt in most circumstances

Whilst the deceit sits wholly with your DH, you do bear some responsibility if you were listed as company secretary before the business was liquidated. If you knew his salary was £130k then you should have realised that would only go so far in terms of providing for this lifestyle you say you've become accustomed to especially as it was the sole household income, blissful ignorance perhaps?

You need proper legal advice because this is a big mess that won’t just go away – you need to start taking some responsibility and absolutely do not ever take your DH’s word when it comes to finances ever again.

A family member experienced a very similar scenario due to online gambling addiction. Again because of wilful ignorance and they ended up losing everything.

As long as no money is going towards prostitutes or a hidden gambling addiction, I think you need to sort this out together. Don't take his word for it going forward, always ask to see the paperwork. You've been living the life of riley at his expense and now that you've found out that your family is heading south financially , I don't think that you should split and run. I think that would make you the female equivalent of what mumsnet commonly calls a "cocklodger". Maybe try and get into work if you can to try and maintain some independence without trying to scrounge every last penny out of him if you're planning on leaving him. You need to take some responsibility for this as an adult. I mean, you're not working and you just ask "are we okay financially?"he says "Yes" and you carry on spending his money on the nice things you want?!

OP I'm sure you'd be able to get a job in your local supermarket.

Aldi pay very well I've heard.

I married a man who did this.

We met when I was 19 and got engaged. Split at 22 b/c of prostitution use and him keeping getting banks frozen due to not paying tax. He wanted kids and I said there was no way I was having kids with someone who could end up jailed for tax evasion.

We had an on/off thing until we finally got back together just before my 25th birthday off the back of me telling him he had sorted a payment plan for the back tax, iirc he claimed it was 100k.

5 months after the wedding he vanished for 6 days. Returned: I lied to you about sorting the tax because I knew you wouldn't get back with me.

Cue apparent mental health issues and alcoholism. Ultimately I left him for not sorting the tax issue and being untrustworthy. He was the sort of man who tried to get away with anything he thought he could. When I was 19 I was mortified when he forced us to do a runner from serviced accommodation we were renting on a weekly basis. That attitude was never going to change.

He died 8 years after I left him of an accidental overdose. Idk whether drugs or MH meds but my eyes once popped out of my head when he offered me some coke when he was out of his mind drunk. By then I had known him for 8 years.

Loved earning huge amounts of money (2k a week net in 2000), loved spending it, thought he was better than everyone and could just get away with being a bloody bandit.

What else does your DH think he can get away with?

I could never, ever get past a 300k lie.

Edit: the only way I could get him out in the end was to tell him I had photocopied his certificates of incorporation, bank statements and birth certificate and was going to send them to the tax man.

He got NASTY when he thought he was going to lose everything, and at that time he had almost nothing to lose because he owned almost nothing.

Be warned. Protect yourself.

Your son is right, and sever all financial connection with him so they don't come after you. Make sure your name is nowhere connected with his business, bank accounts etc.

How much tax does his company actually owe now, did he not have an accountant or submit earnings for this long. If the debt is in his companies name surely it's all his responsibility to pay off. Can you sell the house, split it two ways and you move out and divorce, let him pay off his debt from the house sale. Don't give him any more money. Has he declared himself bankrupt now.

How did your DH ever sleep all these years knowing that he paid no tax ?

When I set up a small business, I have always paid my taxes

It is not difficult to pay taxes

The question is why ?

There will be jobs out there - what about in local schools? What about doing a training course first as a mature student? Become a teaching assistant or work with young children - something like that? You need to become more independent in this situation because he sounds a bloody nightmare financially and you are reliant upon him. I wouldn't want to be with him.

Sell the house and start your own life.

So many stay-at-home women on MN who find themselves in a predicament like you OP say that they’re “lucky” or “fortunate” not to have needed to work.

Do you see how that is not the case at all? How your isolation, financial inactivity and almost child-like dependency on another adult are at the root of why you are now struggling to know what to do. Because you have very little in the way of options.

It would be a good idea to take the bull by the horns and find out what the full picture is, right now. Especially with regard to any tax liability on your part or any charge on your property.

Then get a job and assert your independence. Start making decisions from a position of a proper grown up!

Where is his accountant in all this?

Is it just income tax or did he take dividends and owe tax on that? What about VAT and corporation tax?

I couldn't stay with someone like this, he's a liar and.a thief.

Your relationship with your son is the most important thing to protect. Your husband has stolen from him. Probably breaking laws in the process given its a trust fund.

As company secretary were you also taking dividends? If so was full tax paid on these? If therr has been fraudulent activity in tbe business you may be held equally responsible - taking you off after this has happened won't protect you. You need a good lawyer.

He probably thought he could get away with it - lots of people do.

I have a friend who didn’t pay tax or VAT and he lost his house and was forced into bankruptcy. No I can’t guarantee that it will happen, of course not, but they won’t let it go and the money will need to be paid.

you haven’t helped the situation. Your son is 21 and you haven’t worked since he was a baby. I’m sorry but retail calls out for people always. Don’t use the whole I haven’t worked for ages excuse. It’s an excuse as loads of places look for people even if it’s summer job / seasonal job etc . You need to sell your house and pay the tax back. And your son. Your husband is a con man and you are right you’ve lived a pampered princess life. Now it’s time to sort it out.

Pay your tax - this country is on its arse because of people who don’t. In your position I would liquidate assets to pay the debt, then buy a flat with any remaining capital.

He hasn't really ruined the son's future. If he had been paying appropriate amounts of tax, in all likelihood they wouldn't have been able to have a trust fund for him. My adult kids didn't have trust funds and they have and are doing well for themselves. It was never real. He never should have had money in a trust fund.

Of course he is a fraud and an idiot.

You need a shit hot lawyer to get to the bottom of this and extricate you as well as possible from this mess. You have to stop being so passive, this dishonest, selfish man has fucked you and your son over royally. As Company Secretary you should have been on the ball, but you were too trusting and now it's come back to bite you.

You will need to get a job and make the best of it. It's better than spending the rest of your life wondering what your idiot of a husband has messed up now. Don't ever allow yourself to become so dependent again.

Well, she can leave him if she wants but it’s not as if she can live for a day on her own really. She has never really worked and has been living a sort of lifestyle which she’s used to and can’t afford:
It’s not on that he’s been lying to you and it’ll be hard for you to trust him. However, at this point, all you can do is have a reset and see how you can sort this out. You need to get a job too cos burying your head in the sand is not going to work. Ask how he’s planning to sort this, if he has to take a high paying job abroad to do this then so be it. You can’t also keep living beyond your means. If you have to sell the house to pay the tax man and your son and buy a smaller house in a less desirable place one then so be it. You just can’t fold your hands here and watch.

As company secretary you had a responsibility to get involved in the company accounts, removing you now might not make a difference,yearly accounts should have been prepared, maybe look at companies house to see if they publish the accounts

Oh OP what a horrible situation to wake up and find yourself in, I cannot imagine how you must be feeling.

How on earth do I deal with this without knowing whether he's lying or not?

The problem is, that's how you're going to feel about everything from now on. I'm so sorry. This is such a mind-blowing betrayal of trust, and what is a relationship without trust?

@Shitsinthepost77 I am in absolutely no way dismissing or excusing what he has done but I have been the person hiding debts from my DH. It came out a couple of times where I promised I had told him everything and did my best to fix things. Each time it would spiral again. Honestly I am surprised he didn't leave me.

It was an awful awful time, I felt sick constantly, I was always looking over my shoulder, stalking the post man etc. No idea how I didn't have a break down. I have never lied about anything else and this was the worst part. It started out as protected my DH from the stress, then once it esculated I just didn't know how to / couldn't bring myself to start explaining.

None of this reflected on my love for my DH, in fact it was because I felt like I had let him down so much that I couldn't get myself out of the situation.

All that said, we have only been able to move forward when I was 100% honest with him, all the finances became 100% joint (they were always on paper, but he didnt have log ons or check etc because he thought I was in control of it all). We regularly review all accounts, and incomings / outgoings together. We are about fours years down the line now from the day we moved to the system and have just about sorted out our debts and hoping to rebuy a house in the next 12 months or so.

These are my thoughts too. My DH earns 130k but no way could I afford to not work for decades and have a trust fund for DC. It's a good wage but not megabucks, not unless you're living carefully in a cheap part of the country, which very much sounds like it's not been the case.

Obviously it's more take home money if there's no tax being paid on it, but still, feels like OP has buried her head in the sand too and enjoyed the lifestyle which didn't stack up with the income. Vital thing now is to get head fully out the sand and realise this isn't just about tax debt, the DH is a massive serial liar who's continued to lie despite having the chance to come clean a year ago and has stolen from his child. I wouldn't be so sure he's not got another woman (or whole family) in Aberdeen - happens a lot more than you'd think to the people you'd least suspect - especially as the marriage hasn't been physical in years and he's not blowing all this money on nothing. You have to face the fact, OP, that you do not know who he really is. He is not the man you think he is. He's a proven liar and that means you can't trust anything he tells you from now. Tough, but true. Listen to your DS, see your own lawyer and start wising up and prioritising your own security and future. Don't give up on getting a job either. You need one.

yes. Its a difficult time emotionally but before Get immediate professional advice on how to safeguard what you do have left for yourself and your son so it can't all go towards his company debts.

Also I think I'd be asking him to show you accounts... so that you have the full picture.