Husband not been paying tax for years

[Shitsinthepost77]

I'm so worried and scared. Over a year ago two debt collectors came to our door and handed me a letter addressed to my husband. I opened it and it said we owed approx £500k to the taxman. I nearly collapsed.

When my husband came home I confronted him and he basically broke down saying he hadn't been paying tax on his Ltd company for about 5 years. He'd liquidised his company without my knowledge and taken me off as Company Secretary presumably so I wouldn't find out and to extricate me from any financial liability. We had to get a tax lawyer to negotiate on our behalf with the debt collectors and after many months of wrangling, my husband told me it was £64k we owed which we could put our savings towards and also set up a direct debit and pay the rest monthly.

Fast forward a year, I had two debt collectors standing at my front door. It turns out my husband has been lying about the amount owed...it's in actual fact £150k. I'm horrified, my heart's racing as I'm writing this. He told me over the phone he'd used £30k of our son's trust fund money towards it. He told me he's incapable of saying no to me (?!) and he knows he's got emotional problems.

I don't understand any of this...I'm in my 50s, yes, I like nice things (who doesn't) but never overspent in terms of the money that's in our account and was surplus after all bills are paid. He didn't come home last night, he's too ashamed and embarrassed and keeps telling me he's no good and I deserve better. I've been with this man for over 30 years and can't imagine life without him, although I massively resent him at this point.

I found out he'd taken his watch (a present for his 50th) to a pawnbroker to get a £1,500 per loan against the watch. He said it was to pay off the rest owed to the tax lawyer. I asked (shouted) why the hell did he not come to me as I'd managed to put some money aside. Again, he was too embarrassed and said he just wanted it sorted and out the way. I ended up giving him over £2k to get the watch back.

I'm worried sick. How on earth do I deal with this without knowing whether he's lying or not? I don't have access to his business account because I'm not company secretary. I have access to everything else (I think?).

I'm mostly disgusted at my son's trust fund. He's 21, and it was meant to be for a down payment on a flat at some point. Now there's nothing. My son's now aware of this and thinks I should leave his dad as he can't be trusted. What do you think? Any advice would be extremely welcome.

He won’t be able to go bankrupt with 300k of house equity while owing 150k.

He said if was dead I'd get half a million but I don't want him to kill himself.

There it is.

He has already put the thought of his suicide into your brain to keep you "on side". Dont fall for it. It is a controlling method men use to keep us fearful.

When actually for a lot of us, it would be a blessed relief

I'd also say he's a suicide high risk

That's exactly what I thought as I read the OP.

This is financial infidelity. Even when confronted, he lied and gave you fake numbers. He will never tell the truth, and will continue to put your assets up as collateral until he bleeds you dry. I’d be finding out if he has taken loans against your house/equity release, or additional/extended mortgages. LTB

You dont have to leave him, just divorce & sell the house so your protected. Let him pay off the debt with his half, and start again just dont remarry and dont bloody share finances. That is if you dont want to leave him.

This sort of thing makes my spidey senses tingle.

I think you should ask to see ALL the paperwork involved with this. I would be more concerned that it isn't really HMRC that he owes the money to.

Highly unlikely that they would come after him for much a small amount and it is a small amount compared to the levels of tax fraud and avoidance happening on a daily basis in this country that nobody is getting a grip on

Easy to say, much harder to do. Despite the problems he's caused, the op will still have enormous love, affection, and attachment to her husband. You can't simply switch off emotion.

Yet another reminder of why it's important for women to never give up their career or financial independence.

This is going to sound a bit harsh but you either:

a) Leave, start again, get a job (it IS possible, but it doesn't involve sending out a few applications and feeling sorry for yourself - you have to chase opportunities) and live an honest, hard, quiet, safe and good life. OR

b) Stay with him and accept that you are being bought - exchanging a life of lies, dishonesty, theft etc and being complicit in his horrible morals, including stealing from your son, so you can sit at home and have a comfy life.

There isn't a middle ground.

Ps) Why on earth would you pay for him to get his stupid watch back?! If you have any spare money, it goes to the money he STOLE from your CHILD!!!

oh - I thought it was £500k

I wouldn't be 100% sure that he isn't having an affair. He is spending 2 nights per month in Aberdeen for a 'client meeting'. How do you know that he is not lying about that as well?

If you are struggling to get a job, could you do some volunteer work in a charity shop or something to get some experience and then get a job in retail?

I agree with another poster that says you have all been living in a traditional fantasy marriage above his salary. I hate to say it but the tax on £130k will be a lot and life is expensive ..

You do need to take some responsibility for this mess and bury your head in the sand too.

You really do need to secure your own position. If you've not been working, have you checked your state pension forecast? Have you bought back empty years?

Being scared of the future is no excuse for not taking action. Sure, it's scary as hell, but ignoring it would be utterly foolhardy.

You cannot rely on your DH for anything. He's been lying to you for years and that's never going to change.

I don't agree with this tbh. If I found out a man did this to me and my child, there would be no more feelings. Because the man I thought he was, he wasn't. That was also a lie.

As they’re in their mid fifties and OP doesn’t work, it’s unlikely they’ll be able to remortgage - especially now he owes over 100k to the taxman!

It’s a bit unclear to be honest as the 500k seemed to go down to 150k - but it’s not clear why. OP probably isn’t sure what he owes at this point either.

Well, assuming you don't want to leave him I think you have to have full disclosure.

Get yourselves a financial advisor and lay it all out and then come up with a strategy, ensure you have visibility of all financials (logins to all the accounts for mortgage, his business, tax etc)

Each month sit down and review where you are. Everything - credit cards, bank accounts, mortgage etc. Do a proper budget with incomings and outgoings, you be in charge of this obv as your dh can't be trusted.

You should be able to get a mortgage at your age, these days it isn't nearly as strict on age as it used to be. That would likely be your best bet to consolidate the debt at the lowest rate. Once it's all restructured then get a job, any job, to help pay the mortgage off.

Another option would be downsizing or moving to a cheaper area which would give you a clean slate.

And I would be saying if this happens again, that is it. He sounds very juvenile and like he has his fingers in his ears lalala it won't catch up with me sort of thing. He needs to grow up and you need to grow a pair!

Eh, I could switch off my emotions if my husband stole 30k from our child, lied for years and didn’t pay his taxes, totally screwing us both over for life.

@Shitsinthepost77I am so sorry this is happening, I’ve been in almost exactly the same situation and it is horrific, terrifying and just unbelievable.

There are a couple of options - he uses savings to pay the debt OR he pre-packs the Ltd company and starts again. He’d need to see an insolvency practitioner to do this and there are some costs involved but it wipes out the HMRC debt. I fully understand the moral implications of this, but it’s an option.

With regards to your relationship, he’s lied and then lied and then lied some more. Then tried to blame you for his dishonesty. He spent money that wasn’t his. It is too easy with a Ltd company - for example, you charge the client VAT, they pay you and then each quarter you pay that money to HMRC. Unfortunately too many people use the money to keep the business afloat during this time and then don’t have it to pay HMRC and on and on it goes.

When this happened in my life we ended up divorced because I just couldn’t stand the deceit and then the blaming me (“I didn’t want to worry you” and “I wanted us to have nice things/holidays etc” and “you bought too many things/spent too much”)

I think it would be good to sort the financials of the Ltd company first and maybe he should quit and get a PAYE job if he can’t run the business properly. Not a criticism, it’s a tough environment.

Once that HUGE worry and stress is dealt with you need to decide what you want going forward. He’s lied about things that could have seen your house repossessed and will eat in to your savings. Only you know if you can continue with the relationship knowing it could happen - very easily - again and again.

Look after yourself and try not to imagine the worst case re the tax bill. HMRC can play nicely but their letters are terrifying as are debt collectors. Debt collectors coming to the house suggest a different problem because a Ltd company is its own entity and your personal assets can’t be seized. My guess is he has unpaid debts in his own name too (and if you’re married you’re ’jointly and severally liable’ so you can also be chased).

This is true. Banks will want to see the applicants tax statement. I had to produce these last time I remortgaged.

He didn't remove you as company secretary to protect you, he removed you to hide everything.

He sounds utterly incapable of telling the truth and I bet the real debt is much much higher. Time to get back into the company, and see what is actually going on.

Someone has to be the adult here and it's clearly not him. I'd also seriously think about leaving him as quite honestly the trust is gone

I agree but it does happen in some cases
Some people seem to think that having a LTD company means the Directors have no liability but its not always the case. I thought so too until it happeened to someone close to me

It’s a LTD company so the liability is limited to whatever has been agreed when he set it up. But if you want what he owes on the company to be taken from his share of any divorce settlement you should divorce him asap.

You realise if he doesn’t pay they’ll take the house and he could go to prison.

And he’s a total liar who jeopardised you and your son’s future to piss half a million quid up the wall (if this is what he owed this is how much he spent on other stuff…